Adam: Fine. Tell me how bad you wanna hurt him.
Andy: Well, he's rude, inconsiderate, and destructive.
Naked Rob: He did unspeakable things in my BVDs.
Adam: Say no more.
Matt: He soggied my cotton bottoms.
Adam: What part of "no more" don't you understand?
Matt: He freckled my Fruit of the Looms.
Adam: I get it.
Matt: He skidded my scanties!
Adam: I have a full picture!

Beverly: Everyone, shut your nog holes! Look at the Kremps' Christmas card.
Pops: They're literally glowing. They look like the Kennedys... But with no Teds.

Adam: Except you're forgetting one thing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep. We had our own crazy holiday cards. But the matching outfits and stupid poses hid the fact that every single session was torture.
Adam: It looks like a yearbook for an insane asylum.
Murray: Ha! He got you good, Bevy. Hey, kid, I like having you around.
Adam: Thanks, I guess. I'm your son who lives here, so it's a little weird.

Naked Rob: I love It's a Wonderful Life. It reminds me it is a wonderful life.

Matt: Uh, we've been talking and feel you could be a little more... Respectful of our stuff.
Barry: When am I disrespectful, stupid Matt Bradley?
Naked Rob: For instance, you constantly use my toothbrush.
Barry: To clean the shower, so you're welcome.
Matt: And every time I get home from work, you "ninja surprise" me with a bo staff to the belly.
Barry: I thought you were a burglar.
Matt: Six times?
Andy: And you ate my allergy medicine.
Barry: I regret that one. Tasted real bad.

Erica: Dude, my mom's down there trying to talk Pops into being the top of our human pyramid. Is this really what you want to be a part of?
Geoff: I'm not married to a pyramid, but some sort of people-stacking with your family is what I want. I mean, we've been dating for years now, and I'm with your family all the time, and now we're living together.
Erica: That last thing being our very carefully guarded secret.
Geoff: I know. And it might be corny, but it's what I want.
Erica: Geoff, you're such a sweet and sensitive boy, which is why I say this in the gentlest way possible. Don't be a [bleep] idiot.
Geoff: [gasps] Not in front of Bear-rah Fawcett!

Erica: Okay. You need to accept it's not gonna happen.
Geoff: Why not?
Erica: It's my parents. They're just old-fashioned that way.
Geoff: Well, then I guess I'll just have to get your family to see what they're missing out on. My Geoffer-vescence.
Erica: Super bubbly. But it's best to just sit this one out.
Geoff: But that photo pyramid sounds so fun. I just want so badly to be under your dad or on top of your grandpa.
Erica: [gags] I- I know you don't know why, but we are not gonna kiss for a while.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so, the next day, the JTP played the meanest prank ever... They pretended Barry didn't exist.
Barry: Morning, JTP. Who wants to start this day by tossing this bowling ball I found off the roof?
Matt: Can we help you, stranger? You seem to have wandered into the wrong house.
Barry: Don't be stupid, stupid Matt Bradley. It's me.
Naked Rob: And you are...
Barry: What? It's me. Big Tasty. Your charismatic and angry leader who doesn't like to be questioned before his morning Hawaiian Punch.
Andy: Take it easy, okay? W- We just don't know you.
Barry: Of course you do, you ship-in-a-bottle captain, Andy. Look at the photo of us inside the... What? Where's my gorgeous face and rugged features?
Naked Rob: Not in that picture of the J.A.G... The Jenkintown Association of Guys.

Johnny: [enters] J.A.G.
All: J.A.G.!
Johnny: Hello, male peers and roommates. I live here. This is my beloved home.
Barry: Johnny Atkins isn't a part of our friend group.
Matt: He's more than just a part of it. He's our emotionally in-control leader.
Johnny: This is my beloved home. I live here.
Barry: I demand you explain what is happening right now, JTP.
Naked Rob: What's happening is, we don't know who you are, and you're not demonstrating the calm and cool the J.A.G. is known for.

Johnny: Johnny Atkins is second-guessing his role in this hateful prank.
Barry: Prank? What's he talking about?
Johnny: I'm talking about how your closest friends bought me tacos to question your existential value in the world.
Barry: I don't know what that means, but... JTP?
All: [downbeat] JTP.
Matt: Bud, it was a prank, like how you sullied my under-khakis. Uh, now we're even.
Barry: I merely wore your most intimate apparel. You stole my place in this world.
Naked Rob: The important thing is, we can resume our lives and put this to rest.
Barry: Opposite. I'm coming for you guys. It may not be today or tomorrow, 'cause I got some stuff to do, but it'll be sometime convenient for me, probably Wednesday, and it will ruin your lives forever.