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‘Angst-Giving’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Angst-Giving

708. Angst-Giving

Aired November 20, 2019

Beverly wants to keep Murray in a good mood after inviting his cranky father, Pop-Pop (guest star Judd Hirsch), to Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Marvin (Dan Fogler) takes on the task of driving Barry and Erica home from college.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I'm gonna give your dad the best day ever so that when he finally does see Pop-Pop, he won't even mind.
Adam: Sure, 'cause people rarely hold onto the memory of the person who hurt them most as a child.
Beverly: First, I'll let Steve Martin and John Candy work their thin guy/fat guy chemistry, then I'll invite his dingbat friends over.
Adam: Don't Bill and Vic have to be with their own miserable families on Thanksgiving?
Beverly: Lucky for us, Bill is totally alone. He has no one.
Adam: That is lucky.
Beverly: And Vic is Canadian. And those moose kissers celebrate Thanksgiving in October for hockey or maple syrup reasons.
Adam: Yeah, I guess Vic and Bill do calm Dad down, like that blanket you throw on Lucky when it thunders.
Beverly: And then comes my masterstroke... Your dad is gonna watch his beloved Eagles beat the Cowboys.
Adam: How are you gonna guarantee the Eagles win?
Beverly: Easy. I told him the game starts at 2:00. They already played, and those bumbling green doofuses somehow won.
Adam: So, you recorded it and you're gonna play it back for him. I admit, it's brilliant.

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Quote from Murray

Pop-Pop: After your mother left, I was stuck with two dumb boys and didn't know how to be a parent, bonehead.
Murray: How is that my fault, you jerk?
Pop-Pop: It isn't. I was just scared and lonely and overwhelmed... And I got angry and took it out on the wrong people, dumbass.
Murray: Well, I didn't know that, moron.
Beverly: I know you're yelling and it all sounds hateful, but this is really good.
Murray: I had to raise myself and my brother because you wouldn't, you piece of crap.
Pop-Pop: And that is my greatest regret, you fathead idiot.
Murray: That is the nicest thing that you have ever said to me, you old sack of bones!
Beverly: It's working. It sounds so terrible, but it's beautiful.
Pop-Pop: That's why I crap on everything you have, because I'm jealous. I mean, look at your life. Look at this big, dumb house and your beautiful moron family.
Murray: It is nice! And I'm proud of myself.
Pop-Pop: You should be, you ass.
Murray: I'm glad I could share it with you, you son of a bitch.
Pop-Pop: Me, too! I'd like to make up for lost time, putz.
Murray: I'd very much like that, you broken old bastard!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: This is what I'm talking about! It's finally Thanks-[bleep]-giving!

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, Thanksgiving meant football, the Macy's Day Parade, and my dad's favorite movie... "Planes, Trains and Automobiles."
Steve Martin: [on TV] Those aren't pillows!
Murray: Ooh! Ooh-hoo! He thought his buns were his pillows, but they were his buns! [laughs]
Pops: I liked when he was going the wrong way on the highway. [laughs] I've done that.
Adam: It's like John Hughes made this just for me.
Murray: Well, he didn't, Gene Shalit. So, why don't you pipe down and go help your mom with the giblets?
Adam: I will. But only 'cause I don't know what giblets are, and I like to learn.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Plus, he makes Dad absolutely miserable. It's gonna be another Angst-giving.
Beverly: Angst-giving?
Adam: It's clever wordplay. I'm super proud of it, even though it's gonna be a living nightmare for everyone.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Ben?
Pop-Pop: I know you told me to come over at 4:00, but I have no heat, and you people like to burn money, so here I am.
Beverly: You brought a little something? Thank you. It's empty.
Pop-Pop: It's for leftovers. I'm on a fixed income. Oh, where's your can? I took a hit off the garden hose and my bladder is the size of a cashew.
Beverly: There's one upstairs.
Pop-Pop: Ooh-la-la. Second floor. Oh, look at this one with the fancy head glasses.
Adam: They're for seeing. Also, hello, Granddad.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Dad! The hell are you doing here?
Pop-Pop: Came through the back because I got lost wandering through this landed estate which is Murray Acres.
Murray: It's just a simple suburban home.
Pop-Pop: Whatever helps you sleep at night, sellout. Eh. Wait, but come here. Ooh. Look at this. I thought you had to be dead to have skin that gray, but turns out you just look like crap. Anyway, so, kid, here. Hang this up for me, will ya?

Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was Thanksgiving Day, 1980-something, and Barry and Erica were ready to be picked up for the short ride home.
Barry: [sighs] I'm dying. I haven't eaten in 17 hours.
Erica: I'm gonna regret asking. Why?
Barry: Just like the Pilgrims, I'm starving myself to maximize stomach space for the turkey bounty that lies ahead. Crack a history book.
Erica: If you were in Pilgrim times, you'd die immediately. Probably of some shoe-buckle mishap.
Barry: Or I'd win over the Indians by introducing them to the ultimate weapon... Nunchucks. Boom. Big Tasty's face on every totem pole.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I know, but the perfect Thanksgiving plan is still intact, and it all starts with a slice of delicious... Oh, spiced ass! Oh!
Pops: Murray won't even blink.
Beverly: It's okay. The day can still be salvaged. Bill and Vic will be here any minute.
Adam: Bill and Vic aren't coming.
Beverly: The hell you say to me? [throws a yam]
Adam: [winded] Ooh! Did you just chuck a yam at me?
Beverly: Oh, butch it up. It was cooked.
Adam: It's not my fault Bill's appendix exploded three days ago. They just found him. His side is super infected.
Beverly: Oh, that selfish bastard.
Adam: He sends his love. And as for Vic, he's serving turkey dinners at a homeless shelter.
Beverly: Of all the days to do that.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Excuse me... Panam. Such an exotic name. Are you from the Orient?
Stewardess: Pan Am is the airline. I'm Elaine from here.
Barry: Please don't correct me, Elaine from here. It's an ugly color on you. Now, when can I expect meal service, huh?
Stewardess: I'm sorry, it's a 40-minute flight, so we won't even be coming by with the beverage cart.
Barry: What about peanuts?
Stewardess: This gentleman right here took the last bag.
Marvin: If you don't want me taking them, don't leave them in the back of the bottom drawer in the galley.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Damn it, we should be home right now. Geoff isn't equipped to handle our family's holiday bullcrap.
Marvin: Listen, I got your back. Why don't we use this handy-dandy air phone and we'll inform them that we're running a little bit behind.
Barry: Great idea. I'm starving. Let's order a pizza first.
Erica: These phones cost like $11 a minute.
Marvin: Money's no object. Give me your credit card.
Erica: Me? Use yours.
Marvin: Mine were all cut up in nine unrelated misunderstandings. [sighs]
Erica: Dad did give me a credit card to use during an emergency.
Barry: What? Why would he give you one and not me? At the airport, we could've bought food and important Pittsburgh trinkets and baubles.

Quote from Geoff

Lou: So, Mr. Goldberg Senior, are you retired?
Pop-Pop: You know, 14 years ago, these sons of bitches gave me a Timex watch and shoved me out the door. They got the best years of my life. [grunts] So, screw them.
Geoff: What are you up to these days?
Pop-Pop: Well, most recently, uh, I'm being grilled by this grinning schnook who thinks he's Donahue.
Geoff: I'm sorry.
Pop-Pop: For what?
Geoff: Engaging you.

Quote from Geoff

Pop-Pop: When are we eating, Murray? I don't like these people.
Murray: These people can hear you.
Pop-Pop: They know how they are.
Beverly: Okay, well, I just got off the phone with Erica. Everything's fine, but they're a... a bit delayed somewhere over Pittsburgh.
Geoff: Oh, no, the Steel City! They have so many rivers!

Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Uncle Marvin's 15-minute drive had turned into a 12-hour layover in Nashville.
Marvin: Man! Music City's got it all. I mean, I know it's Thanksgiving and we're stuck in an airport hotel, but ( Scoffs ) who wants to go honky-tonkin'?
Erica: I want you to shut up. I'm calling home.
Barry: Oh, God. They're probably eating already. Tell Mom to pour gravy into the phone so I can taste it with my ears.
Marvin: Good thing I nabbed a little something from the maid's cart in the hallway to tide you over.
Barry: Oh! Oh, sweet, minty sustenance!

Quote from Murray

Adam: Him? What about me? Pop-Pop cartwheeling down the stairs messed me up bad. Give me one of those.
Pops: Oh, no. Did he crash into you with his stumbly-crumbly body?
Adam: I might be sharing too much, but I briefly lost consciousness.
Geoff: Did one of his beige orthopedic sneakers clock you in the noggin?
Pop-Pop: No, he fainted, like a lady. Nice work with this one, Mur.
Murray: Oh, so now you're giving me parenting advice? Hey, remember Thanksgiving in our house? I don't, because we never had one!
Pop-Pop: Yeah, well, you had something else. It was called dinner, and it was almost every night.

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Great news, everyone. Thanksgiving dinner is...
Pops: Please say served.
Beverly: ...tomorrow.
Murray: [groans] How is a Friday Thanksgiving great news?
Beverly: Someone pulled a Marvin, and the kids are stuck in Nashville.
Geoff: Music City? Oh, no! So much hot chicken and angry fiddlin'!

Quote from Beverly

Pop-Pop: Well, I'm out of here. I would like to say it was fun, but it was literally a pain in my ass, teeth, and bones.
Beverly: Ben, you're going nowhere. You're injured, and we have plenty of room.
Pop-Pop: Are the rest of the Kennedys okay with a guest in their compound? Mm?

Quote from Barry

Erica: Well, I've never been robbed before.
Barry: I'm sorry I screamed so much.
Marvin: I can't believe he even took the Cobra matchstick from my lips. Now I just look like a fool.
Erica: Yeah, that's what did it.
Marvin: Hey, look on the bright side... He didn't want our turkey, okay? He only wanted our money and our watches and our IDs.
Barry: A warm ham is not gonna replace my go-kart license!

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Erica and Barry quit my Uncle Marvin cold turkey, my mom was excited to have a Thanksgiving Day redo.
Beverly: Morning, Ben. Oh, I'm so glad to see you up and feeling better, and I promise, we are gonna have a great... The [bleep] are you eating?
Pop-Pop: Gobble gobble. [chuckles] It's cold, but it's tasty.
Beverly: Did you carve my bird?
Pop-Pop: No, I just yanked the leg off. [grunts] It fought me, but I won.
Beverly: Damn it, Ben, I worked my ass off preparing this.
Pop-Pop: I'm enjoying it. [chuckles] What more do you want?
Beverly: To eat it together as a family.
Pop-Pop: There's plenty more. Besides, eh, the big guy hasn't even been at it.
Beverly: The big guy? You mean your son? Your child?
Pop-Pop: Like he needs anything more from me, huh? What? He's got the big house, got the tables full of food, the fancy doodads. Not to mention you, Blondie, and those annoying rugrats of yours.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, you know what? I think it's time you left.
Pop-Pop: What? What are you talking about?
Beverly: I have tried to be on your side, but you know what? Murray was right. [door opens] You are just awful.
Pop-Pop: Whatever happened to all that "family takes care of family" baloney?
Beverly: Yeah, I don't think you really want to be part of this family 'cause family doesn't treat people like that.
Pop-Pop: [mumbling] Please don't make me go.
Beverly: Did you say something?
Pop-Pop: I want to... stay.
Beverly: Ben, just say whatever awful thing it is you're gonna say.
Pop-Pop: [normal voice] Well, what if... I want to be part of the family? I, uh, want to get along with my son, but I don't know how. [door closes]
Beverly: If that's really what you want, I can help you. Oh, I knew I could get my perfect Thanksgiving.
Pop-Pop: Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean, it's Friday, and I ate all the corn.

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