Dina: Mateo. You seem like someone who's gotten dumped a lot.
Mateo: Because of the shirt? You heard him tell me to wear it.
Dina: No, it's more your whole thing feels it would be a lot. So what's the nicest way you've been broken up with?
Garrett: I told you, there's no nice way to do it. You just gotta rip off the Band-Aid.
Mateo: He's right. Just don't use any of those insulting clichés, you know? "It's not you, it's me."
Nicki: Yeah, or "I think we'd be better as friends."
Earl: "When I look at you, all I see is Shrek."
Tony: When Sophia broke up with me, she said, "I don't think I'm ready to date someone as great as you." [all groan]
Dina: Wow.
Nia: You want them to know that the breakup is hard for you, so try to look sad, but not too sad. I aim to be as sad as possible while still looking hot.
Mateo: It'd be easier to just let him break up with you. Be mean. Start pointless arguments. It's actually super fun.

Mateo: I'm actually okay with the fit. It's just, I don't really like beer. Or twins, honestly. It's like, again with this person? [laughs]
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Cheyenne, are you even listening? This shirt is ruining my life. It is crazy soft, though. But again, the fit.

Mateo: You guys are missing the headline here. The store closing could ruin my life.
Garrett: It's not really a Powerball jackpot for any of us.
Mateo: Yeah, but you guys are citizens. You can get any job you want. I need to start thinking of a backup plan.
Sandra: Tony's looking for someone to feed his sharks. The trick is you have to wiggle the food in the water to make it look alive.
Mateo: Okay, so "food wiggler" is the job to beat.
Garrett: Maybe we should just all ask Carol for money.
Mateo: I mean, I guess it's possible she might need a personal assistant.
Sandra: Maybe. You think she'd be cool with paying you cash under the table?
Mateo: Of course. That's how all rich people pay their immigrants. I bet Dianne Wiest hasn't paid a payroll tax in her entire life.

Mateo: Smart time to buy a new washer.
Cheyenne: Oh, actually, Bo wants to buy them all.
Mateo: Oh.
Bo: Yeah, get 'em for mad cheap, then resell them to the suckers, make that scrilla.
Mateo: What if you can't sell 'em?
Bo: Then I open up a laundromat. Come on, man, think. Use those glasses.
Mateo: Well, I guess you have more of a plan than I do since I'm basically unhirable now.
Bo: Mm, plight of the undocumented, man, and yet the 1% and whatnots.
Mateo: You always know what to say.

Mateo: [on video] I don't know if I should say anything, but there's a Scott Baio wannabe waiting outside, and I heard him tell his meth dealer that he just wants to rob the place.

Glenn: [on video] Tell me more about you.
Mateo: [on video] I just want to say that if you give me the chance, I will work harder than anyone you know. I will literally dig through concrete with my bare hands until they're bloody stumps and I have to do stuff with my feet.
Glenn: You know, I could use a hard worker like that at Sturgis & Sons.
Mateo: [gasps] Really? [Glenn nods] Thank you. Should we do, like, denim or leather aprons? Denim, right, like, a raw denim? Okay. I love it. I love it. It's more my color.