Mateo: You really think Dina knows?
Cheyenne: Maybe. She asked me a lot of weird questions.
Mateo: The stupid poll worker lady is guarding those stickers like it's her last tub of Activia.

Mateo: [on video] What am I gonna miss the most? Uh, the people? They're salt of the Earth. Simple, basic. Just sort of harmless. Am I scared? Of course I'm scared.
Amy: Wait, so, um, who's asking you these questions?
Mateo: Uh...
Glenn: Whoa.
Garrett: That is not your chest.
Mateo: Yes it is.
Garrett: Then take off your shirt.
Mateo: I had a big breakfast.
Mateo: [on video] My advice? I guess it would be leaving every place you work at a little bit better than when you found it. Did I do that here? Who can say? Yes. I think I did.
Dina: Well, that was a massive waste of time.
Glenn: Okay, moving on. We have not had a tornado drill in eight years, so we really should...
Mateo: [on video] I started this journey as a small child in the Philippines... [all groan]

Cheyenne: This is where you'll be working? It looks so different.
Mateo: It's a Cloud 9 Signature. They have a beauty concierge, their produce is all organic, and their cafe has never given anyone diarrhea.
Amy: That is impressive.

Mateo: Come on, just hit me.
Cheyenne: I'm trying, okay? Say something mean.
Mateo: Like what?
Cheyenne: Um, I don't know. Oh, say something mean about Beyoncé.
Mateo: [scoffs] I'd rather be deported.

Mateo: What is his game? He just shows up out of nowhere, flashing those legs, carrying a baby around. I get it... you're father material. I mean, I hate kids, but I love dads.

Mateo: I finally get to catch up on Kylie Jenner's Insta.
Cheyenne: Man, she does sponsored posts in a way that make you really believe that she loves the product.
Mateo: I know. It's beautiful.

Glenn: Well, you know, I'm still holding out hope that Brett's alive.
Cheyenne: Even with the foot?
Glenn: I don't wanna re-litigate the foot, but... I did wanna write a Brett tribute for the newsletter... you know, just in case. And you guys knew him so well I thought maybe you could help.
Mateo: Of course. I mean, we would love to honor him.
Glenn: So what was his wife's name?
Mateo: Um...
Cheyenne: Cinnamon.
Mateo: Margaret.
Glenn: Cinnamon Margaret?
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Yeah. Uh-huh. That is... what we said.

Jonah: You know, there's no shame in admitting you're having a tough time dealing with something, okay? In college, I discovered that my dad was having an affair on Parents Weekend. Try enjoying Stomp after that.
Mateo: Ugh, that's your trauma? I watched my brother drown in the South China Sea.
Jonah: Well, it's not a contest.
Mateo: Well, if it was, you'd lose.

Mateo: I wonder how much I could get. I mean, I'm not a very good negotiator. I just always want people to like me.
Jonah: Is that... true?
Mateo: Yes! I'm nice.
Jonah: Well, if you want, I could help you with the negotiation.
Mateo: Actually, that's not a bad idea. I mean, you are relentless and annoying.
Jonah: I was going to say because I took a year of business school, but I will take that as a compliment.
Mateo: It's not, but, you know, you hear what you want to hear.
Jonah: You are nice.

Jeff: Mateo, I'm not stupid. I know why you're doing this.
Mateo: You do?
Jeff: Yeah, why waste an opportunity to make me look incompetent in front of my bosses, right?
Mateo: Oh. I mean no, that's not what...
Jeff: Okay, well, you may hate me, but I still care about you. So there. 10 grand. You're welcome.
Mateo: $10,000? I thought it was $50,000. Doesn't matter. Okay... Jeff, I don't want this.
Jeff: Well, you're taking it. I'm faxing the paperwork to legal right now.
Mateo: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you can't... you can't do that.
Jeff: Why not?
Mateo: It's complicated.
Jeff: I was in love with you. And you dumped me out of the blue, so unless there's some reason I just can't get my...
Mateo: I'm undocumented! That's why I couldn't transfer stores. That's why I can't take the money. And that's why I couldn't go on a Carnival cruise with your family. But also, like... cruises are gross.
Jeff: So wait.
Mateo: I never hated you.