Mateo Quote #170
Quote from Mateo in Safety Training
Jeff: Mateo, I'm not stupid. I know why you're doing this.
Mateo: You do?
Jeff: Yeah, why waste an opportunity to make me look incompetent in front of my bosses, right?
Mateo: Oh. I mean no, that's not what...
Jeff: Okay, well, you may hate me, but I still care about you. So there. 10 grand. You're welcome.
Mateo: $10,000? I thought it was $50,000. Doesn't matter. Okay... Jeff, I don't want this.
Jeff: Well, you're taking it. I'm faxing the paperwork to legal right now.
Mateo: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you can't... you can't do that.
Jeff: Why not?
Mateo: It's complicated.
Jeff: I was in love with you. And you dumped me out of the blue, so unless there's some reason I just can't get my...
Mateo: I'm undocumented! That's why I couldn't transfer stores. That's why I can't take the money. And that's why I couldn't go on a Carnival cruise with your family. But also, like... cruises are gross.
Jeff: So wait.
Mateo: I never hated you.
Superstore Quotes
‘Safety Training’ Quotes
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.
Amy: Uh, no. I don't think that's true.
Garrett: It is. It is, Amy. It's in a PowerPoint.
Marcus: Now, we all know the standard cheeses. American cheese, cheddar cheese, pizza cheese. But what if I told you there's one more out there?
Garrett: Pepper jack?
Marcus: No.
Jonah: Gouda?
Mateo: Swiss!
Glenn: Kraft Singles.
Dina: Goat, Parm, blue, ricotta. I could name at least ten more.
Quote from Sandra
Dina: But just so you know, Kelly's gonna start suspecting something if you keep lashing out at her.
Amy: What are you talking about? I don't lash out at Kelly.
Dina: [scoffs] Hey, Sandra, do you remember any time that Amy was lashing out at Kelly?
Sandra: January 4th, you said, "Kelly, I assume you've been to a monster truck rally." January 12th, you said, "Two people saying you look like Reese Witherspoon is not a lot of people."
Amy: Okay, we got it. Thanks, Sandra.
Sandra: January 20th, you said, "Wow, did they teach you that at pageant school?" January 21st, you said, "Wow, did they teach you that at pageant school?"
Amy: Okay, we got it, Sandra. Thank you.
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: No, guys, stop just yelling out random words. You're throwing me off. But what if I told you there's one more out there? Human cheese! [all retch]
Jonah: Oh, my God, is that what this is?
Glenn: I've had five samples already.
Marcus: No, no, this is just cut-up string cheese. I don't have enough money for a prototype. But it'll basically be exactly like that, I think. So who's ready to invest in the breast? It'll be udder-ly amazing!
Sandra: That's cows.
Marcus: Damn it, Sandra! You're messing with my flow. Ugh. [exhales, shudders] Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.