Mateo Quote #170

Quote from Mateo in Safety Training

Jeff: Mateo, I'm not stupid. I know why you're doing this.
Mateo: You do?
Jeff: Yeah, why waste an opportunity to make me look incompetent in front of my bosses, right?
Mateo: Oh. I mean no, that's not what...
Jeff: Okay, well, you may hate me, but I still care about you. So there. 10 grand. You're welcome.
Mateo: $10,000? I thought it was $50,000. Doesn't matter. Okay... Jeff, I don't want this.
Jeff: Well, you're taking it. I'm faxing the paperwork to legal right now.
Mateo: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you can't... you can't do that.
Jeff: Why not?
Mateo: It's complicated.
Jeff: I was in love with you. And you dumped me out of the blue, so unless there's some reason I just can't get my...
Mateo: I'm undocumented! That's why I couldn't transfer stores. That's why I can't take the money. And that's why I couldn't go on a Carnival cruise with your family. But also, like... cruises are gross.
Jeff: So wait.
Mateo: I never hated you.

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 ‘Safety Training’ Quotes

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.
Amy: Uh, no. I don't think that's true.
Garrett: It is. It is, Amy. It's in a PowerPoint.
Marcus: Now, we all know the standard cheeses. American cheese, cheddar cheese, pizza cheese. But what if I told you there's one more out there?
Garrett: Pepper jack?
Marcus: No.
Jonah: Gouda?
Mateo: Swiss!
Glenn: Kraft Singles.
Dina: Goat, Parm, blue, ricotta. I could name at least ten more.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: No, guys, stop just yelling out random words. You're throwing me off. But what if I told you there's one more out there? Human cheese! [all retch]
Jonah: Oh, my God, is that what this is?
Glenn: I've had five samples already.
Marcus: No, no, this is just cut-up string cheese. I don't have enough money for a prototype. But it'll basically be exactly like that, I think. So who's ready to invest in the breast? It'll be udder-ly amazing!
Sandra: That's cows.
Marcus: Damn it, Sandra! You're messing with my flow. Ugh. [exhales, shudders] Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.

 Mateo Fernando Aquino Liwanang Quotes

Quote from Magazine Profile

Mateo: Why would anybody be attracted to Jonah? He looks like a villain on the CW.

Quote from Ground Rules

Mateo: Another floor supervisor tip: We direct. Don't use words like "maybe" or "I think" with these peons.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Mateo: Before you speak, think, "How would an evil queen decree this?"
Cheyenne: Ooh, yeah.
Mateo: And just a couple other things I thought of.
Cheyenne: Oh.
Mateo: No more campfire games with employees and no sparkly makeup. Oh, and don't put unicorn stickers on your clipboard. They're unprofessional.
Cheyenne: Uh, okay.
Mateo: But otherwise, you are killing it, girl.
Cheyenne: Thanks.
Mateo: Oh, you should probably change your shoes. I mean, they're fun but, it looks like you skinned a Care Bear.