Garrett: Oh, hey, Glenn. Getting ready for the ceremony?
Glenn: Yeah. You bet. I know this backwards and forwards. Though I would not recommend it backwards. I sound like a lunatic.

Glenn: Jerry and Sandra have requested a non-religious ceremony, so I'd just like say that the following is from a book I highly recommend, written by the greatest and most powerful author in history of the world, so... "Love is patient, love is kind." "Love does not envy."

Dina: Go, Glenn, go.
Glenn: Yeah, well...
Dina: Get back in.
Glenn: [stammers] Ah, okay, um... Jesus Christ... [stammers] is not welcome here. So, um... [guests whispering] So, something fun about Jerry and Sandra is that they have this little tradition. When one of them gets crabby, they have to wear a T-shirt with a crab on it. But the only time that Jerry ever put it on was when Sandra left town.
All: Aww.
Glenn: I know, it's cute, isn't it? It's a little insight into who they are as people. [laughs]
Garrett: [whispers] What the [bleep], man?

Amy: Good morning, Store 1217. We have a very exciting surprise today. Zephra has sent us a little break room upgrade just to say "Welcome to the Z-Fam." They asked me to say it that way, and I'm happy to.
Glenn: Okay, let me guess. Ah... It's a pipe organ. Oh, my gosh, I can call Judy from the church and she'll give us lessons, though you have to practice 'cause otherwise you're just wasting her time.
Amy: Don't need Judy. Not a pipe organ.

Garrett: [knocks laundry pods off shelf] [to himself] Oh, Garrett, you're so stupid. [to Glenn] Oh, man. That's embarrassing. I'm sorry you had to see that, Glenn.
Glenn: Oh, no. Come on, this is nothing. I once drove a pallet of Mentos into a stack of colas. I thought it was the Rapture.

Glenn: Okay, so shouting didn't do the trick, but how about I take you on a fishing trip, huh? Just you and me and a gentle breeze. It'll be relaxing.
Garrett: I would not like that.
Glenn: Oh, yes, you would. [blows]
Garrett: What are you doing... No, no, don't do that!
Glenn: I'm picking you up at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow, come rain or shine, and unfortunately, it is supposed to rain.

Dina: It also uses your location data to automatically clock you in when you enter the store, so no need to swipe in in the mornings anymore.
Glenn: Really? [gasps] Hello, extra half-hour of sleep!
Amy: Extra half-hour? Glenn, what is your clock-in process?
Glenn: Oh, it's very involved.

Garrett: So you think you're so fascinating that Zephra's dying to learn which Beach House album you just preordered?
Jonah: Ah, the "I've got nothing to hide" argument. Where have I heard that before?
Glenn: Bible camp. "In Christ I have nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to fear, nothing to lose."
Garrett: Hmm, is that where you heard it, Jonah? Bible camp?
Jonah: Maybe.

Glenn: [o.s.] [sings] ♪ The wicked little children went down to the beach ♪ ♪ Learning all the naughty lessons ♪ ♪ The people there do teach ♪ We'll learn about murder ♪ While playing in the sand ♪ And we'll learn about the lying ♪ ♪ While skipping across the land ♪

Amy: Look, it doesn't really matter. My hands are tied. This is what corporate wants, and we're not gonna make waves right now. Carol already threatened to call C.J. DiBono on us.
Glenn: Oh, C.J. DiBono.
Dina: Oh, you don't want that.
Glenn: No thank you.
Dina: Mm-mm.
Amy: So you guys know who that is?
Both: No.
Glenn: But sounds important... scary.
Dina: Yeah.