‘Playdate’
Season 5, Episode 18 - Aired March 19, 2020
When Amy is forced to bring her son Parker to the store, she grows tired of Glenn's constant digs at her parenting style. Meanwhile, Mateo helps Dina to plan an over-the-top date, while Sandra and Cheyenne hatch a conspiracy theory about Jonah and Amy.
Quote from Dina
Garrett: Okay, just keep it simple. Take him out to a nice dinner.
Dina: I don't even know what a nice dinner is. Is it a hot soup followed by a cold soup? Is it a place that gives you bread? Is it a place that wants you to bring your own bread?
Garrett: What are you talking about? You've had dinner before.
Dina: Not as a girlfriend!
Garrett: It's very similar!
Quote from Justine
Justine: Oh, my God, he's so cute. My ovaries are exploding. It's like, scrambled eggs, anyone?
Garrett: Oh, gross.
Corey: Disgusting.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: Like, I get the concept of babies. I'm not even saying don't have babies. Like, have babies. But do I have to see the babies?
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: The glitter was my idea. Makes it look more magical, right?
Sandra: Is that edible glitter?
Cheyenne: I mean, technically all glitter is edible. It's really small.
Sandra: Oh, okay.
Quote from Cheyenne
Sandra: Oh, my God. Wouldn't it be crazy if Jonah actually was Parker's dad?
Cheyenne: Yeah, that'd be wild. But Amy was already pregnant when she and Jonah had sex.
Sandra: Unless she just thought she was pregnant. It could've been a false positive.
Cheyenne: Oh, yeah. There was this girl in my class who thought she was pregnant, and then she went away for a few months. And when she came back, it turned out that her mom had a miracle baby, like, way late in life.
Sandra: Uh-huh.
Quote from Sandra
Sandra: So I got it.
Cheyenne: What?
Sandra: Jonah's DNA.
Cheyenne: You took that from Jonah?
Sandra: Yeah. And I found one of Parker's pacifiers. So now we just send them to the lab with $200 and then wait for the results.
Cheyenne: Oh. Yeah, you know, I don't wanna do that, no offense. It just crosses so many lines and is, like, super crazy.
Sandra: Oh. Yeah. I hadn't thought about the lines. So, um... Could you, like, not tell Jonah and Amy about this?
Cheyenne: Oh, sorry, but I kind of just think I'm gonna.
Sandra: Of course. Yeah, totally get it.
Quote from Sandra
Jonah: All right, all right. Come here, little buddy. I got you.
Sandra: Oh, my God. Jonah's holding Amy's baby like it's his baby.
Jonah: I live with him, Sandra. I hold him every day.
Sandra: I'm literally screaming right now.
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: You know, mopping up glitter vomit isn't as bad as regular vomit. It makes me feel like I'm cleaning up after a wasted unicorn.
Quote from Dina
Glenn: No, no. It makes no sense for you to run the meeting when the former manager is here. I can do this from muscle memory.
Dina: What are you talking about? Your body has literally no muscle. Now give me the clipboard.
Glenn: No.
Quote from Cheyenne
Amy: Parker's day care closed at the last minute. Some kid had lice.
Jonah: Logan. Surprise, surprise.
Mateo: So now Parker is here. With his wet face, great.
Amy: Well, I mean, I didn't know what else to do. My parents are out of town, and Eric's working, and Adam's at a convention learning how to do beekeeping.
Cheyenne: Oh, if he wants bees, I still got a ton in my car.