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Black Friday

‘Black Friday’

Season 2, Episode 10 - Aired November 10, 2016

The Cloud 9 employees come down with food poisoning on the busiest shopping day of the year.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey, I need you to work the register while Tim's in the bathroom.
Garrett: Nah, I don't do registers.
Dina: Look, I know that it's really the hip thing for you millennials to not give a crap...
Garrett: That's not true, and we're the same age, but please, go on.
Dina: It's all hands on deck, so quit your Myspacing and get on the register. That's an order.


Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [sighs] All right. Let me just finish this announcement.
Dina: Fine, but the second you're done, I want you on register three.
Garrett: The second I'm done. [over PA] You can also view thousands of movies on the Halo Fog. I will now list some of the movies that are probably on there. Mrs. Doubtfire, Silence of the Lambs, that one where Nicolas Cage switches faces and says he's gonna eat a peach for hours... Ooh, Forrest Gump. That's a good movie.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Apparently Black Friday has begun. From all of us here at Cloud 9, have a great Purge.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] And then Jenny dies of what is implied to be AIDS. But we don't know. And he puts Haley Joel Osment on a bus, and guess what? Same bus driver from the beginning.
Dina: What are you still doing here? You're supposed to be on the register.
Garrett: You said I could finish the announcement.
Dina: Yeah, that was ten minutes ago.
Garrett: It's a very long announcement. Next up, Apollo 13.
Dina: I see what you're doing here.
Garrett: In this film, Tom Hanks is a spaceman whose life is saved by a bunch of nerds.

Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: Oh. I feel like my insides are crawling through my skin. Can I have a sip of that?
Cheyenne: Sure. 20 bucks.
Mateo: For a sip of Pepto? [chuckles] I'll just go buy my own.
Cheyenne: You know, I think someone already bought them all.
Mateo: Hm. Well, well, well. Who's all grown up?
Cheyenne: It's called war profiteering. I learned about it in Social Studies.

Quote from Garrett

Dina: All right, I'm calling it. Time of death, 11:13 p.m. Just let it all burn.
Garrett: Wait, we're just gonna leave?
Cheyenne: It was your idea to bail.
Garrett: Yeah, I suggest that every Friday. Even you, Dina? You said you'd never give up.
Dina: I also said I'd never vomit on a toddler's head. Lot of firsts today.
Garrett: Hold up. Wait. Yo, I don't like working here.
Amy: Okay.
Garrett: But it's my job. I do the bare minimum, but I don't do less than that. And I'm not about to let a bunch of deal-hungry rubes trash our store and make me feel bad for Dina, which I did not think was possible. So I'ma get out there, and I'ma finish my shift. And yeah, I'ma cut corners, and I'ma phone it in, but it'll never be said that Garrett McNeill did not do just enough to not get fired.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Okay, attention, everyone. Black Friday is the most important day of the year. And the key to getting through it is to stay calm. No matter what happens, I am gonna stay Obama cool. Okay, Chris, we all know how you feel about Obama. You can stay George W. Bush cool. Remember how calm he was on 9/11? Well, not that this is gonna be 9/11. This is gonna be better than 9/11. No, why do I keep saying 9/11?
Garrett: What's 9/11?
Glenn: You didn't hear?

Quote from Dina

Dina: All right, everybody, focus up. Today, you need to prepare for the worst. If you find yourself in a jam, remember the word ACT: Assess, Communicate, Take Action. Assess: assess the situation. Communicate: communicate. Action: take action. I don't really need to explain it.

Quote from Amy

Amy: All right, I want a minimum of five employees in each zone, eight in Electronics, obviously in rolling, two-person pigeon teams. All RMDs need to have the right CPOs. We'll assimilate any dead stock for TKTs at the end of the day. Got it?
All: Got it.
Amy: Jonah, can you please be in charge of tracking the UPTs and logging them in the T7?
Jonah: Yes, I certainly can.
Amy: I just made that up. You're on spills and trash.
Jonah: Cool.
Amy: Okay, break.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] And then there's the one where Tom Hanks is in the airport the whole time. Honestly, I checked out on that one. Anybody see Sully? I didn't. Ugh, I don't feel so hot. I got to take a break, y'all. Oh.
Dina: If you're done with the announcement, register three could use a hand. See? I don't give up.
Garrett: Neither do I. [over PA] Don't forget about Polar Express. Merry Christmas, kids. It's a nightmare.

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