Chris: Oh, Larry. We've been taking pictures all over City Hall to show our unborn baby where we met. Would you mind?
Jerry: Oh, my gosh. I would be honored. [chuckles] Say, when are you crazy kids gonna get hitched?
Ann: Well, you know, actually, we haven't discussed it in a while.
Chris: No, it's kind of taken a back seat.
Jerry: Well, you know, to each his own, but you guys really seem like you're in love. And when I see a couple who look at each other the way you do, I don't know, it just makes me think that maybe this crazy world is gonna be okay.
Chris: [laughs] That literally went on forever. I thought you were never gonna stop talking. But now that you have... Ann Perkins, will you marry me?
Jerry: [gasps; gags]
Ann: Wow.
Jerry: [gasps] Cracker dust.
Ann: Uh, I mean, yes, of-- of course, l-let's do it.
Jerry: Can I have a sip of your water, please?
Chris: Oh, no, no, no. I'm--I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
Jerry: Oh, no, no, totally understand. [coughs]
Chris: Ann Perkins...
Jerry: I'm gonna cough it out.
Chris: I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you.
Ann: I love you too.
Jerry: [hacking]
Ann: No part of this is how I pictured it.
Jerry: I thought another cracker might push it through, but I was wrong.

April: So, um, Andy told me what's going on.
Jerry: Really? Oh. I was trying to keep it hush-hush. It's kind of embarrassing.
April: Well, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here for you. Or, like, you know, I'm here, standing near you.
Jerry: Well, earlier today, I was licking icing off of my finger, and then, boom, I swallow my wedding ring. And I wish I could say it was the first time, but--
April: Wait, wait, wait. So you're not, like, dying?
Jerry: No, no, no, I mean, can it be painful? Sure, but the good news is, I've gotten very good at passing it. It's just a matter of getting out the old colander.

Mitch Savner: Can I see a menu?
April: We had to throw our menus away because they are covered with pictures of Larry's dog rectum.
Jerry: Great news. Lord Sheldon's gonna make it. Yeah, just have to apply a salve to his anus every hour for the rest of his life, but... Oh, enjoy your meal.

Jerry: Well, never fear, because Terry is here. Yes, I go by Terry now.
[aside to camera:]
Jerry: Because there was a guy at National Parks, he was already named Larry. So they suggested I go by Terry. And then I said my real name is Garry and they said, who cares. So. It's just a fun group.

Ben: Donna, April, what are you up to?
April: Oh, you know, just regionally directing the Midwest whatever of who cares.
Jerry: Oh, isn't it great? Can you believe that they pay me for this? Because I would do this for free. [knocks over coffee] Aw, jeez!
Donna: [chuckles] I do miss you, Terry. Let me get you some napkins.

Leslie Knope: Guys? Let's keep it going, right? Somebody grab the reading glasses, somebody grab that walking stick. Grab everything you can. I'm officially dubbing this Operation Quantity.
Ben: Oh, thank God you're still here. I cannot believe the weird notary hell I've been trapped in.
Jerry: Been more like heaven for me. I mean, what a day.

Jerry: Notary public's can trace our origin all the way back to ancient Rome.
Ben: No way.
Jerry: Calvin Coolidge was a notary.
Ben: Oh.
Jerry: Mm-hmm. And so was Calvin Coolidge's dad and so was Calvin Coolidge's paternal grandfather.
Ben: Uh-huh.
Jerry: It's 2.5 pounds of pressure is what you need to get the perfect stamp. They have this monthly-- Well, it's a notary email newsletter and, oh, my gosh--
Ben: All right.
Jerry: Ben, it's fun. It's just fun.

Jerry: Okay, copies are made. Um, everything has been collated and stapled. And all the research has been double-checked. [laughs] I went through quite a few staples.

Jerry: Morning, Johnny. Mail call. [all cheer]
Andy: Ya! Hi, Mailman Barry. Who brought me mail today?
Jerry: Well, Johnny, you got over 500 letters from kids who love you, asking for you and April to stay.
Andy: Aw, babe, did you hear that?
Jerry: Now, Johnny, you also got one very special letter. It's from me. And on the last day of your show, I thought I could read it to you.
All: Aw.
Jerry: "Dearest Andy, I have never had a son of my own, and I just want you to know that for the past ten years"--
Andy: It's time to karate chop something! Ninjas, attack!
Jerry: Oh, jeez.
Andy: Disperse! Remember, never attack a real postal employee. We're allowed to attack Mailman Barry because he volunteered to help us with our karate moves.
Jerry: I kind of thought I'd be holding a piece of wood or something, but, you know... always happy to help.

Jerry: [sings] The vote was four to three Donna said to get rid of me But Ron was suspicious 'Cause my coffee was delicious.
Tom: Come on, Garry, you're the mayor now. Have some dignity.