Dr. Singh: [thudding] There's the heartbeat.
Haley: Oh, it... it sounds so fast, is everything okay?
Dylan: No, that's good. That's the way a baby's heart should sound.
Dr. Singh: He's right. It's the sound of a very healthy... oh!
Both: What?
Dr. Singh: [thudding] There's a second heartbeat.
Haley: A baby with two hearts? I didn't know I was pregnant when I ate that brownie!

Anna: Okay, everybody. Quick review before we start. At what age can you first give babies solid food?
All: Six months.
Haley: Two years!
Anna: And when you put baby down to sleep, you place him on his...
All: Back.
Haley: Mattress.
Anna: And the fontanelle is...
All: Soft spot.
Haley: A hotel in Miami?

Haley: Mnh! How can my babies be early?! I've never been early to anything! Maybe they're not mine!
Dylan: I've always been faithful to you!

Haley: Um... that was weird.
Dylan: Those little people with the full-size baby?
Haley: No, when the doctor called you my husband.
Dylan: Well, people are gonna assume...
Gloria: No, it... It was weird because I liked it.
Dylan: Seriously? Because I proposed, like, six times.
Haley: I know. I just... It seemed so old-fashioned at the time, but when I thought that the babies were coming, I-I...
Dylan: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Haley: I'm gonna need a little help here. Okay. Okay, we're good. Dylan Stardust Marshall, will you... Oh! Going over. Okay. Okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay. Will you marry me?
Dylan: Oh, my God. This is exactly how I imagined it.

Haley: [aside to camera] I told my family I just wanted my birthday to be me and Dylan this year because at the time, I was still keeping my pregnancy a secret, and I knew they'd get all suspicious about why I wasn't drinking. What was I going to say? "I can't drink because I have work in the morning"? [laughs] There's no way they'd believe that.

Dylan: Here. I got you a present.
Haley: Ooh! Thank you! [gasps] Get out! Gucci baby sneakers! [laughs] They're adorable. [crying] Our baby's gonna be so hot.

Haley: My babies! Hey! I feel like I haven't seen you all day! Did you have fun today?
Dylan: Well, that's easy to find out. Let me just upload this baby cam footage.
Alex: The what... what was that? Hmm?
Haley: Oh, one of their buttons is actually a camera. It's not the greatest quality, but...
Dylan: Wait, you took my babies to a liquor store?!
Luke: No, it's the... it's the wine museum.
Haley: It's Ace Liquor, Luke. I've been going there since I was 15... minutes past my 21st birthday.

Haley: Wow. I was so happy you all wanted time with the babies today, because lately, it has felt like you didn't even want to be bothered with them. Turns out you only want to help when it can help you. Part of me wonders why we even stay here.
Alex: Because you eat and live here for free?
Haley: I said "part."

Haley: [aside to camera] My mom was trying to show us how great it is to be a working woman 'cause she knows how torn I am about leaving my babies. It's like, oh, it'll break my heart to be away from them, but as a feminist, I want to show those snarky bitches at the office how fast my body bounced back.

Claire: Haley, you have to admit it feels good to put on nice clothes and get out in the world and not have anyone pawing at your boobs for two seconds.
Haley: Oh, God, yes! Dylan is really going through something. I think he might be regressing.
Alex: To what?