Cameron: Two sisters, two paths. Graduation, procreation. The world on a string, a baby and no ring.
Haley: Uh, you... you said you were happy for me. You said a baby would bring me limitless joy.
Cameron: And a limited bank account.

Cameron: Okay, w-w-why is my hand shaking? Did somebody put something in my drink? Hey! Did one of you Ritalin-addicted millennial scooter jockeys dose me? Huh? What, you think you can take this tree down, do you? Well, guess what! I'm a redwood! That's right, I was here before you were born, and I'll be here after you're gone!

Barb Tucker: [talking through bathroom door] Mitchell, it's Barb.
Mitchell: Oh. Barb, I'm so sorry.
Barb Tucker: Well, no, h-honey, you hush. Look, I I've been thinking about what I heard and maybe I do touch you too much. And I could say it's 'cause we're family but, you know, I don't know. I guess I have been having some fun with you, and I I-I-I thought that it was harmless but I would never want to make you uncomfortable.
Mitchell: Barb, it's my fault too.
Barb Tucker: So we're okay?
Mitchell: Yes! Yes, of course.
Barb Tucker: Thank God. [entering bathroom, sitting on edge of tub where Mitchell is bathing] Because I couldn't live with myself if things stayed weird between us.
Mitchell: Uh, Cam! Cam!
Cameron: [o.s.] What is it?
Barb Tucker: Well, we got it all worked out, sweetie!
Cameron: [o.s.] Oh, great! Let me get my camera.
Mitchell: Okay, that's not necessary, h- No!

Barb Tucker: From now on, if I go too far. Please, you just tell me about it.
Mitchell: Okay.
Barb Tucker: What is th- Oh! Almost lost my bracelet. Oh, wait a minute!
Mitchell: And there it is. Okay.
Barb Tucker: Oh, dang it!
Mitchell: I'll get it.
Barb Tucker: Oh, no. I saw where it fell, honey.
Mitchell: Force field! Force field!
Cameron: What's going on?
Barb Tucker: I lost my bracelet in here.
Cameron: Mama! Listen, I think this might be one of those situations where Mitchell feels like you're crossing a boundary.
Barb Tucker: Really?
Cameron: Yeah.
Barb Tucker: This too?
Cameron: Yeah.
Barb Tucker: Well. I've gotta have a good, long think about how I conduct myself. I'm truly sorry, Mitchell.
Mitchell: It's okay. It's okay.
Barb Tucker: Well, let's take one quick picture. And we'll get out of his way.

Cameron: There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists... Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Mitchell: Cam, it's late. Cam, I have work early in the morning. Cameron! I cannot sleep!
Cameron: Well, you should have thought about that before you challenged me that I couldn't do 100,000 steps in a day.
Mitchell: Well, how close are you?
Cameron: 125.
Mitchell: Okay, fine. [turns light off, then back on] Wait. 125 left?
Cameron: Nope.

Cameron: Well, Mitchell would have some conspiracy theory that this is where the staff does illicit behaviors.
Gloria: That's what it is. I have been smelling marijuana since I got here! [sniffs]
Phil: I got Gloria.
Cameron: My God, she's like a DEA dog.