[aside to camera:]
Cameron: What Lily said really got to us. Maybe we are too old to have a new baby.
Mitchell: Yesterday, I found hairs on my ears and I yelled at the local news.
Cameron: And I called Seinfeld "Steinfeld."

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Not only are we moving, but we're adopting a baby that's due in two weeks.
Cameron: And that is stressing me out because eleven years ago, I revealed Lily with "The Lion King," and there's a lot of pressure...
Mitchell: Self-imposed.
Cameron: ...to top myself. So, I've been workshopping a few ideas.
[flashback to Cameron wheeling in a dining trolley:]
Cameron: I hope everyone here likes... baby! [chuckles] I can see that taking everyone's breath away, no?
Mitchell: Uh, I'm more concerned about the city taking our baby away.

Mitchell: Did we just make a huge mistake?
Cameron: Mitchell, you know you hate change. Remember when you shaved your beard? You screamed in the mirror, "Oh, my God, you look hideous!"
Mitchell: That was you.

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: It's been a weird and wonderful month.
Cameron: We adopted a baby boy.
Mitchell: Yeah, and we moved into a new home, which we love so much, we named our son after our street. Rexford.
Cameron: Rex Tucker-Pritchett. With a name like that, he can be anything he wants... a quarterback, a running back, a middle linebacker.
Mitchell: Oh, he... he's got big feet. Maybe he could be a kicker.
Cameron: Why don't you believe in him, Mitchell?

Cameron: Okay, I hope the big earthquake that we're long overdue for doesn't hit while you're down there!
Ronaldo: You're being so negative. What is wrong with you?
Cameron: Okay, look, I have to tell someone, but you cannot repeat it to anyone, especially Mitchell!
Ronaldo: Oh.
Cameron: I just got offered the football job that I wanted in Missouri.
Ronaldo: But you just moved in!
Cameron: I know.
Ronaldo: With a newborn!
Cameron: I know!
Ronaldo: And you were the one pushing for both!
Cameron: I don't need a recap! It's my crisis!

Phil: You guys are gonna visit, right?
Cameron: Of course. And you all are gonna visit us. It's just a couple quick flights and a short Goober ride from the airport.
Alex: Did he just say...

Phil: It's nice we have this extra time together, thanks to that lucky tornado.
Claire: It hit an elementary school, Phil.
Cameron: Well, no kids were there. It's opening day of squirrel-hunting season.

Alex: So, just because I'm curious...
Cameron: Yeah, it's a livestock train, but people ride it, too. But don't worry, we're in first class with the show hogs.

Gloria: So nice.
Cameron: What? Nice? It was the perfect goodbye letter. It's "The Notebook" meets the first 10 minutes of "Up." It was enough to make you curse God for giving you the ability to love.
Gloria: It was a poem where every line started with a letter of my name.

Cameron: And how are things with you and your mom now?
Dr. Miura: Uh- [car engine starts] The only way she'll be happy is if I'm some Asian stereotype. But that just isn't me. [car reverses quickly, hits garbage cans] I didn't see those!