[Malcolm pours syrup on his ice-cream covered head]
Dewey: Don't forget the cherry.
Malcolm: There. Happy?
Dewey: In truth, it was better conceptually.
Malcolm: Just give me my money and leave me alone.
Dewey: Tough words for a human sundae. Huh. What do you know? That's the last of it.
Malcolm: Really? That's the last of it?
Dewey: So it appears.
Malcolm: Aha! Who looks like the idiot now, huh? I've got all the money - all $148 of it - and what do you have, little man? Nothing!
Dewey: Except my self-respect, but it's hard to put a price on that. Wait, maybe I can.

Lois: What's he doing here?
Hal: He's in.
Lois: What?! How did-
Hal: He just is! Look, it isn't important how it happened. Let's just move on with this, okay?
Lois: Look, Dewey, you understand we're not stealing this money. Every cent is going back to Malcolm. We're a bank.
Dewey: Yeah, well, this bank is getting a Rolex. A big one.
Lois: That money is going towards new pipes for the house!
Hal: She can spend her share any way she wants.
Dewey: And I'm spending my share on a Rolex. I think I've earned it.
Lois: There are no shares!

[As Reese and Dewey sit on the couch watching TV, Jamie brings Dewey a bowl of popcorn and a can of soda]
Dewey: Good job, Jamie.
Reese: What the hell was that?
Dewey: He's my slave.
Reese: You don't get to have a slave. You're my slave.
Dewey: Slaves can have slaves. This is America.
[Dewey hands the can back to Jamie, who places it on a sheet of paper on the coffee table]
Reese: Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll give you your freedom if you give me Jamie.
Dewey: Really?
Reese: Your attitude's been pretty lousy lately. I know you've been spitting in my sandwiches. I mean, I still eat them, but now the trust is gone.

Dewey: Hello?
George Takei: I'm George Takei. I played Sulu on Star Trek. Did your grandfather die recently?
Dewey: Yes.
George Takei: Allow me to extend my deepest condolences. I got a call from a neighbor that your father might like to talk to me. And when I called back, the line was busy. So I decided to come over. It was a six-hour bus ride with a lot of stops. May I have some water, please?
Dewey: Sorry, my parents aren't home. But you can use the hose out front.
George Takei: Delightful. If you don't mind, I'll make camp on your front lawn in anticipation of their return. Improvisation: my stock and trade. In episode 18, "The Squire of Gothos", the script read, "the crew ad-libs 'Hello'." [chuckles] Well, I was off to the races.
Dewey: Well, I've got a lot of homework. [closes door]
George Takei: [o.s.] Ooh, mushrooms! May I help myself?

Reese: All right, we have to get going. We need the car key.
Dewey: Are we going to the arcade?
Malcolm: We already told you we don't have time for that, Dewey.
Dewey: You know something? I don't remember where I put it.
Reese: Stupid! How could you misplace it?! Wait a minute he's lying.
Malcolm: Dewey, give us the key now!
Dewey: Nope.
Reese: All right, Dewey, we can either do this the easy- [Dewey punches Reese in the groin and runs off] No fair. That's just what I was going to do.

Malcolm: Come on, this is your day.
Dewey: I would really love a piggy-back ride around the neighborhood.
Reese: I'll get my shoes.
Dewey: Guys, this is fantastic. I really think we've healed a lot of wounds today.
Malcolm: Really? That's great, Dewey. You know, I was thinking, you're full you're relaxed, you're watching your favorite TV show... Do you think we could have that, uh, car key now?
Dewey: You know something? You guys have earned it. You really have. And I wish I could give it to you.
Malcolm: What do you mean?
Dewey: You guys threw me a curve ball. I had no idea it was going to go this way. Bravo. But I swallowed it.
Reese: What?!
Dewey: I know. It was foolish and spiteful, but this was before we reconnected. Hey, is there any more of this shake left?

[Dewey is giving Reese a bath:]
Dewey: You wouldn't believe the homework Mr. Hendricks has been dumping on us lately. Lift your arm. I mean, okay, your wife moved out. Don't take it out on us. If his behavior with her is anything like it is in math class, I totally get it.
Hal: Hey, how is he doing?
Dewey: He's having a very good day.

Malcolm: Hey, what's all the noise? You know the rule. The only sound allowed in this room is snoring.
Dewey: I've been waiting ten years to see Conrad Horner perform, and I overslept and completely missed it.
Malcolm: So? He'll come back in a few years.
Dewey: He's 98. I got there in time to get a program off the floor and see his ambulance drive away.

Malcolm: [wakes up] My back's killing me. What happened?
Dewey: Malcolm, you're awake. We were worried about you for a while.
Malcolm: What happened to the new mattress?
Dewey: What are you talking about?
Malcolm: The mattress! I know there was a mattress.
Dewey: Maybe it was a dream.
Malcolm: It wasn't a dream! The mattress was perfect and white, and it felt like a cloud! It fell out of the sky, and it made me happy!
Dewey: Was it just a bed, or was there a beanstalk, too?
Malcolm: [sighs] Maybe it was a dream.
Dewey: You were happy, Malcolm. Of course it was a dream.

Hal: Picture this, Dewey.
Dewey: Not gonna happen.
Hal: Give me one good reason.
Dewey: You're forcing me to say exactly why I don't want to do this and it's not going to make you happy and it's not going to make me happy. So why don't we just leave it alone?