Miss Patty: This, boys and girls, is a story of true love. A beautiful girl from one county, a handsome boy from another. They meet, and they fall in love. Separated by distance and by parents who did not approve of the union, the young couple dreamed of the day that they could be together. They wrote each other beautiful letters, letters of longing and passion, letters full of promises and plans for the future. Soon, the separation proved too much for either one of them to bear. So, one night, cold and black with no light to guide them, they both snuck out of their homes and ran away as fast as they could. It was so dark out that they were both soon lost. And it seemed as if they would never find each other. Finally, the girl dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her lovely face. "Oh, my love, where are you? How will I find you?" Suddenly, a band of stars appeared in the sky. These stars shone so brightly, they lit up the entire countryside. The girl jumped to her feet and followed the path of the stars, until finally she found herself standing right where the town gazebo is today. And there waiting for her, was her one true love who had also been led here by the blanket of friendly stars. And that, my friends, is the story of how Stars Hollow came to be and why we celebrate that fateful night every year at about this time. Now, we still have a little time left in our story hour. Who wants to hear about the time I danced in a cage for Tito Puente?
Kids: Me.
Miss Patty: It was the summer of '66.

Miss Patty: Okay, here we go. Hey, did you know that I once met the great Bette Davis? I was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of Guys and Dolls. Beantown, I love that town. And there I was, me and the girls backstage after the show, and in she comes. And who does she walk right up to, but little old me. And she sized me up, exhaled some smoke from that regal mouth of hers, and said, "Doll, you don't got the high notes but you sure got the gams." I'll always treasure that moment with Bette and I wanna dedicate this song to her. Ethel, key of D.

Miss Patty: Now it all starts.
Lorelai: What all starts, honey?
Miss Patty: First Fran, then the rest of us.
Lorelai: Patty, it's not the plague. It was just her time.
Miss Patty: I can't go.
Lorelai: Yes, you can. Come on.
Miss Patty: No, just leave me.
Lorelai: I'm gonna get her to the church.
Rory: I'll meet you there.
Lorelai: Come on, let's go.
Miss Patty: You know, it's times like these that you realize what is truly important in your life. I'm so glad I had all that sex. [sobs]

Lorelai: I'm just enjoying the animals, Patty.
Miss Patty: Honey, this is not right. She can't have a love thing with a dog.
Lorelai: She can't? Yes, I can. Go about your business there, Patty.
Miss Patty: You must have her name on some blacklist back there, don't you?
Woman: We don't have a blacklist.
Miss Patty: But this is Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: Ignore her. This dog loves me. And the pig the pig loved me.
Miss Patty: It looks dead.
Lorelai: It's sleeping. They sleep, right?
Woman: Actually, that's very unusual for her to be sleeping. Meg, make sure the pig's okay.
Lorelai: Yeah, the pig's fine.
Miss Patty: You didn't touch it, did you?
Lorelai: I did not kill the pig, Patty.

Miss Patty: You got a bad record. You got to admit it.
Lorelai: That thing with the hamster was a long time ago. It was a long time ago! And it was only a hamster. I mean, it's not really in the same category as dog or pig, now, is it?
Miss Patty: What about the rabbit?
Lorelai: Okay, the rabbit was sick when I got it. It was sick when I got it. It was very humanitarian of me to take it in the first place.
Miss Patty: And that poor turtle. It was supposed to outlive you.
Lorelai: Okay, you're really kind of bringing down the pet fair here, Patty.
Miss Patty: Honey, go see March of the Penguins. That's really as close to the animals as you should get.

Miss Patty: Well, uh, I-I don't know. You know, half the time people speak to me, I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see Turning Point?
Luke: No.
Miss Patty: Oh, that man was so beautiful.
Luke: Yeah, I'm sure.
Miss Patty: Pure sex walking. Flying, actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance?
Luke: Me? No.
Miss Patty: Well, maybe you might want to think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights.
Luke: Yeah, I'm sure that's true.
Luke: Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by?
Miss Patty: Oh, of course I will, honey.
Luke: Thanks. Stop imagining me in tights, Patty.
Miss Patty: It's a free country, honey.

Miss Patty: Oh, honey, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen to April. They just spell out that stuff for their legal protection. Whenever you're taking care of kids, that's a lot of liability. It's the same with my dance school.
Luke: And nothing bad ever happens?
Miss Patty: Nothing ever happens. Oh, except for that one time.
Luke: What one time?
Miss Patty: Well, I took my senior ballerinas to try out for a performance of The Nutcracker, and one of the girls pulled a Tonya Harding and knocked the front-runner for Clara out of the competition. Broke her leg in three places.
Luke: That is not nothing. That is the opposite of nothing.
Miss Patty: It's totally different. That was a much rougher crowd.
Luke: Rougher crowd? They're ballerinas.
Miss Patty: Oh, yeah. I know. Everyone thinks, "Ballerinas - so sweet, so fragile." Trust me, they're dancing on stress fractures and ingrown toenails, and they haven't eaten in weeks.

Miss Patty: [answers phone] [refined accent] Hello, this is the Independence Inn emergency headquarters.
I'm Miss Patty, I'll be assisting you today. How may I help you? The printer will be here in half an hour, I'll let him know. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The printer will...
Michel: I heard, and you've got to shorten your greeting.
Miss Patty: What?
Michel: You do not need to recite the Gettysburg Address every time you answer the phone.
Miss Patty: I was Ricardo Montalban's receptionist for six months and he never complained.
Michel: Who?
Miss Patty: Don't make me hit you.

Lorelai: Yeah, do you remember the bells?
Sookie: No, it was before my time.
Lorelai: Me too, sounds great.
Miss Patty: Oh, they were fantastic. One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells.
Rory: Your first kiss?
Miss Patty: Uh, sure. Oh-kay.

Lorelai: Tough day, Patty?
Miss Patty: I've worked with Joan Crawford. This is worse.