Lorelai: How late can you stay, Sookie?
Sookie: As late as you want. Davey's with his grandparents, and Jackson's sleeping with the zucchini tonight.
Lorelai: What's that, farm jargon?
Sookie: No, he's sleeping with the zucchini.
Lorelai: But what does that mean, sleeping with the zucchini?
Sookie: It means he's sleeping with the zucchini.
Lorelai: Sookie, fill me in here. Where's Jackson?
Sookie: Well, he checked the forecast today, and there's a potential cold front coming in from Canada, and he knows how important the zucchini is for opening day menu, so...
Lorelai: Are you saying that "sleeping with the zucchini" means...
Sookie: He's sleeping with the zucchini.

Sookie: He said my risotto was fine.
Lorelai: Isn't it?
Sookie: No, it's not fine. Fine is a word you use when someone stops you on the street that you sort of know, but you don't want to talk to. They ask you how you are, and you say "Fine." And that's enough so they don't have to keep talking to you, "cause they don't want to. Then they can feel good because they've been considerate enough to ask and if, God forbid, something actually is wrong they'll actually sit down, take time and listen, even if they don't want to.
Lorelai: Sookie, I don't think he meant fine as a slam or as a monologue.
Sookie: He couldn't have meant it any other way.
Lorelai: Sookie, I hate to see you get so upset over one little review.
Sookie: This is pride, Lorelai. I mean, you know about this risotto. I mean, on my mother's deathbed-
Lorelai: You made the risotto and she lived three more years.
Sookie: She was supposed to be dead. The doctor said she wouldn't live through the night.
Lorelai: And she lived because of the risotto, the magic risotto.
Sookie: And this guy had the nerve to say it was fine.
Lorelai: I don't think he knew the story.

Sookie: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.
Lorelai: Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.
Sookie: You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.
Lorelai: Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.
Sookie: I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know how to feed them, I cover up their party cloths, and I set their fingers on fire.
Lorelai: Just this once.
Sookie: I make them eat jalapeno-chipotle cream sauce. I'm Mommie Dearest.

Lorelai: Everything okay?
Sookie: Sure. And I'm thrilled and delighted that Norman Mailer is coming in here every day and sitting at a table for four and ordering nothing at all, but tea!
Lorelai: Tea?
Sookie: Iced tea. Glass after glass after glass!
Lorelai: I'm sure he orders more than iced tea.
Sookie: Are you, now?
Lorelai: All right, you make great iced tea. I mean, legendary, so can you blame him?
Sookie: All I know is when Billy Joel came in to the Independence Inn, he would pack it away. Appetizers! Main course! Two, three desserts! That was a man that knew how to eat! And he was almost able to hide it.
Lorelai: Yes, but have you ever read his novels?

Sookie: Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise off the flame before I break his neck!
Lorelai: Sookie, listen, you hired Bob. You trained him in your image. He's great, and he's subbed for you before.
Sookie: But this is Thanksgiving, he has never done Thanksgiving.
Lorelai: He's ready, he'll sub for you seamlessly. Even Big Joe Newsanchor's have substitutes.
Sookie: And that's the thing. They still say, "And now the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather." You see? Dan is still associated with it even though he's off snorkeling or something, just like I'm gonna be associated with the dinner because Bob is substituting for Sookie.

Lorelai: I think you should do it now before you lose your nerve.
Sookie: Well, he isn't back to his office yet.
Lorelai: Does he have a cell phone?
Sookie: Yes.
Lorelai: You know, people buy cell phones for exactly this reason. So you can get a hold of them any time you want.
Sookie: I thought people bought cell phones in case their cars broke down at night and they had to call someone for help and there's psycho killers...

Sookie: How do you know he's not being polite?
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: No, I mean it. It's like I cornered him. He felt trapped. He had to say yes.
Lorelai: He did not have to say yes.
Sookie: Oh, my God! Technically, I'm his employer.
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: I am. I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on me.
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: [gasps] I'm a sexual harasser.
Lorelai: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.
Sookie: This isn't funny. I am now desperate, lonely, and a criminal.

Lorelai: Okay, that's it. Come on, you need coffee. I need coffee, extra strong. Double caf, triple caf. No, forget the caf. Throw in the whole cow, and serve it to this man right here. [Sooki is silent] What's wrong with you?
Sookie: I don't know. It might sound a little weird, but I think I've got...
Lorelai: Oh, no.
Sookie: ...ennui.
Lorelai: You explained ennui to her.
Michel: She asked me what was wrong with me earlier, so I told her.
Lorelai: Michel, you know that Sookie ends up thinking she's coming down with whatever illness other people have.
Sookie: No! No?
Lorelai: What was that whole conversation last week when I had to convince you, you didn't have a prostate?
Sookie: Oh. How is Al? Hello?

Lorelai: Oh, my God.
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: It's the title search for the Rachel property. And guess who owns it?
Sookie: Tell me it's not that bastard Donald Trump.

Rory: We will make this up to you, Sookie.
Sookie: What are you saying? This is great. It'll be like a slumber party.
Rory: Are you sure?
Sookie: Absolutely. We can raid the fridge, we can make a nice avocado-mango facemask. Get out the tarot cards, tell fortunes, play Twister, make a Haagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip ice cream milkshake.
We'll watch Purple Rain.
Lorelai: Sookie, it's midnight.
Sookie: Okay, let's go straight for the milkshakes.