Kirk: Lorelai, what time do you have?
Luke: Do not tell him. He already knows.
Kirk: I do not!
Luke: If you just wait for the bells, then you'll get to hear the bells, and then you'll know what time it is.
Kirk: Actually, that's not true. The other day I stood too close to the bells and they rang so loud that there's now a persistent ringing in my ears. Now I can't tell which are the church bells and which are the Kirk bells.
Lorelai: Oh, no. Did you go to the doctor?
Kirk: Yes, he said I have tinnitis. I looked it up on the web at "Celebrities Who Share Your Disease" and found that William Shatner is likewise afflicted.
Luke: Really, Kirk and Captain Kirk?
Kirk: The irony wasn't lost on me. Was that them?

Paris: When you boil it down, isn't the whole Israeli-Palestinian problem a case of sibling rivalry?
Professor Freedman: Follow up?
Paris: The Old Testament, it's all there. Israelis are descendants of Abraham and Sarah. Arabs are descendants of Abraham and his maid Hagar. So Israelis and Arabs both have the same dad, and both want the great nation God promised Abraham. They might as well be fighting over who gets the TV remote.

Lorelai: Yeah, do you remember the bells?
Sookie: No, it was before my time.
Lorelai: Me too, sounds great.
Miss Patty: Oh, they were fantastic. One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells.
Rory: Your first kiss?
Miss Patty: Uh, sure. Oh-kay.

Lorelai: I swear, that guy should work for the CIA. He gives away nothing, absolutely nothing!
Sookie: I have friends there.
Lorelai: What? Where?
Sookie: The CIA.
Lorelai: No, you don't.
Sookie: Yes, I- Ah, you didn't mean the Culinary Institute of America?
Lorelai: No.
Sookie: Okay, then.

Lane: I started it when I was six, the day you told me the Cookie Monster was one of the seven deadly sins.
Mrs. Kim: Gluttony.
Lane: Yes, gluttony.
Mrs. Kim: So, I made you do this?
Lane: No, I just... I want to please you so badly, but I can't. I mean, look at you, look at what happened last night. It's not good. I don't want anything like this to ever happen again. I've been thinking a lot about this, our situation, and I think I figured out a way to make everything better.
Mrs. Kim: You have?
Lane: I don't want to go to Seventh Day Adventist College anymore. I want to be able to play with my band. I want to be a drummer. I will happily go to community college, and I will happily live at home and adhere to your curfew, except on the nights when the band plays or practices. This way, I can get what I want and I won't be lying to you or sneaking around. This way we can both be happy.
Mrs. Kim: Children do not make the rules. You may move out and live like that somewhere else.

Rory: [on the phone] Mom, you have to do something.
Lorelai: I need a suggestion.
Rory: Have you read The Bell Jar?
Lorelai: Not funny!

Lorelai: We are going to be very stressed out for the rest of Hank's life.
Rory: Serves us right for making him the fifth.
Lorelai: Hey, we did not make him the fifth, we do not have the power.
Sookie: We just speculated.
Lorelai: Yeah, that was it, for all we know anyone could be the fifth.
Sookie: That's right, it could be anyone. I mean Taylor, or Reggie, or Andrew or Kirk.
Kirk: [groans] Oh! Going dark, going dark!
Lorelai: We are the Witches of Eastwick.

Rory: It was? Why didn't you call me?
Lorelai: Because, it happened in the middle of the night.
Rory: You still could have called me.
Lorelai: In the middle of the night?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: You wanted me to call you, at Yale, in the middle of the night so I could say, "Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with Mommy?"
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: And then take the craziest mother-daughter title from Judy and Liza.

Lorelai: I need coffee.
Rory: I'll meet you there.
Lorelai: Hurry, we can come back out for the bells in half an hour.
Rory: Order me some coffee, a muffin and some onion rings.
Lorelai: Look what I pass on to the next generation.
Rory: Eating habits from Hades.
Lorelai: Love that DNA!

Lane: So, how did you like it?
Rory: It's great, I burned a copy for my Mom.
Lane: You know, its people like you who are destroying the music industry!
Rory: Oh, now. Britney's gotta shoulder some of the blame.
Lane: Let me see. How about The New Pornographers?
Rory: Sold.