Miss Patty Quote #64
Miss Patty: Oh, honey, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen to April. They just spell out that stuff for their legal protection. Whenever you're taking care of kids, that's a lot of liability. It's the same with my dance school.
Luke: And nothing bad ever happens?
Miss Patty: Nothing ever happens. Oh, except for that one time.
Luke: What one time?
Miss Patty: Well, I took my senior ballerinas to try out for a performance of The Nutcracker, and one of the girls pulled a Tonya Harding and knocked the front-runner for Clara out of the competition. Broke her leg in three places.
Luke: That is not nothing. That is the opposite of nothing.
Miss Patty: It's totally different. That was a much rougher crowd.
Luke: Rougher crowd? They're ballerinas.
Miss Patty: Oh, yeah. I know. Everyone thinks, "Ballerinas - so sweet, so fragile." Trust me, they're dancing on stress fractures and ingrown toenails, and they haven't eaten in weeks.
Quote from Emily
Police Officer: You were on a cellphone, ma'am.
Emily: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office?
Police Officer: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cellphone while operating a vehicle.
Emily: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car?
Police Officer: License and registration, ma'am.
Emily: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cellphone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents.
Police Officer: Ma'am, have you been drinking?
Emily: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwik-e-mart, and you're standing there harassing me.
Police Officer: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me.
Emily: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Let me bottom-line it for you. Snakes are gross. Snakes are scary and slithery, and do you know where snakes do not belong?
Christopher: On a plane?
Lorelai: They do not belong on a plane.
Christopher: It's not an ideal situation.
Lorelai: They do not belong anywhere except in cages stuck in safes buried deep, deep underground. I hate snakes!
Christopher: So I'm gathering.
Lorelai: With their gross, no-legged bodies, and their scaly, scaly skin, and their wiggling, and their hissing.
Christopher: Okay, Lor. I respect your very valid feelings about snakes.
Lorelai: Thank you.
Christopher: But I have to say we were fairly warned.
Lorelai: No! No! A movie should not just be its title. Driving Miss Daisy didn't all take place in the car, Dances with Wolves wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes, snakes, relentless snakes, snakes on a plane. Snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane!
Quote from Fight Face
Lorelai: I'm just enjoying the animals, Patty.
Miss Patty: Honey, this is not right. She can't have a love thing with a dog.
Lorelai: She can't? Yes, I can. Go about your business there, Patty.
Miss Patty: You must have her name on some blacklist back there, don't you?
Woman: We don't have a blacklist.
Miss Patty: But this is Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: Ignore her. This dog loves me. And the pig the pig loved me.
Miss Patty: It looks dead.
Lorelai: It's sleeping. They sleep, right?
Woman: Actually, that's very unusual for her to be sleeping. Meg, make sure the pig's okay.
Lorelai: Yeah, the pig's fine.
Miss Patty: You didn't touch it, did you?
Lorelai: I did not kill the pig, Patty.
Quote from Partings
Miss Patty: Well, uh, I-I don't know. You know, half the time people speak to me, I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see Turning Point?
Miss Patty: Oh, that man was so beautiful.
Luke: Yeah, I'm sure.
Miss Patty: Pure sex walking. Flying, actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance?
Luke: Me? No.
Miss Patty: Well, maybe you might want to think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights.
Luke: Yeah, I'm sure that's true.
Luke: Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by?
Miss Patty: Oh, of course I will, honey.
Luke: Thanks. Stop imagining me in tights, Patty.
Miss Patty: It's a free country, honey.