Rory: [on the phone] Oh, my God!
Lane: Are you all right?
Rory: I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No! I got hit by a deer.
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign, and he hit me!

Rory: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! I accidentally forgot to turn in my community-service vest.
Lorelai: So?
Rory: So this vest belongs to the state. I have now stolen state property. They're gonna give me community service for stealing my community-service vest.

Rory: I'm sure he panicked. I'm sure his not telling you says nothing about your relationship. Maybe this is a cheesy perspective to offer you, but Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went through the same sort of situation. He found out he had a kid that he didn't know about, but they made it work as far as I know.
Lorelai: Meaning?
Rory: If they can, you can.
Lorelai: Really?
Rory: They're people. You're people. I mean, you don't sing and neither does Luke. But really, neither do Gwen or Gavin, but they're still together I think. I haven't read anything to the contrary.
Lorelai: I guess.
Rory: You and Luke just need to talk some more.
Lorelai: Yeah. Maybe I'll tell Luke about Gwen and Gavin. I mean, if there's any people whose lives Luke would relate to, it's Gwen and Gavin.

Lorelai: I don't want the whole night to be about Luke.
Rory: It won't be. Don't worry. Just put it out there, and then when they attack you, whatever angle they're coming from, I will deflect.
Lorelai: How will you deflect?
Rory: Well, I don't know. Maybe I will talk about Bangalore.
Lorelai: You know a lot about Bangalore?
Rory: Don't you? Bangalore? Outsourcing? You know, when you call customer service, you're almost always talking to some nice dude in India who speaks perfect English. Don't you read Time magazine?
Lorelai: It doesn't seem like a rich subject area.

Lorelai: Take your schoolbooks and leave the others.
Rory: I need all of my other books.
Lorelai: You don't need all these.
Rory: I think I do.
Lorelai: Edna St. Vincent Millay?
Rory: That's my bus book.
Lorelai: Uh-huh. What's the Faulkner?
Rory: My other bus book.
Lorelai: So just take one bus book.
Rory: No, the Millay is a biography. And sometimes on the bus, when I pull out a biography and I think to myself, "Well, I don't feel like reading about a person's life right now" then I'll switch to the novel. And sometimes if I'm not into the novel, I'll switch back.

Rory: And, already, you are way ahead of a lot of people as far as parenting skills go. Like Britney. Britney Spears does not know which end of a baby goes up. And Courtney Love? She's no June Cleaver.
Lane: Yeah, I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love.
Rory: My sock drawer could be a better mother than Courtney Love. But, yes, of course you would be. And Michael Jackson. You know not to name a child "Blanket."
Lane: I do know that. Do not name your baby after an inanimate object.
Rory: See? Way ahead of the pack.
Lane: Yeah. Hey I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow.
Rory: Yeah, that would be a perfect playdate.
Lane: Yeah, when it's nap time, they would be totally set.
Rory: And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over afterward for a little snack.
Lane: Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby, could play for them.
Rory: And then they could all jump in Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of, uh... what's his face?
Lane: Oh, Pilot Inspektor Lee.
Rory: Yeah. [both chuckle]

Dean: I'm Dean.
Rory: Hi. Oh. Rory. Me. That's me.
Dean: Rory.
Rory: Well, Lorelai, technically.
Dean: Lorelai. I like that.
Rory: It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn't women? She says her feminism just kind of took over. Personally, I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much.

Lorelai: "This building is one component of a 13 million-volume collection housed in more than 90 different libraries. It's the oldest library in the US, and the largest academic library in the world." Breathe, breathe.
Rory: I am a failure.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: I am stupid.
Lorelai: Stop.
Rory: I am uninformed, ignorant, and I can't even think of a second synonym for 'uninformed'. I suck.
Lorelai: Honey.
Rory: Thirteen million volumes? I've read 300 books in my entire life, and I'm already 16? You know how long I would need to read 13 million books?
Lorelai: But honey, you don't have to read every one of them. Tuesdays With Morrie. Skip that. Who Moved My Cheese?? Stuff you already know.
Rory: But every kid coming to Harvard is inevitably reading books. And Different books. And I want to be able to converse intelligently with each of them. And I can't do that unless I read books. At least a few from every genre and subgenre.

Rory: But you don't understand. I was up all night studying and then I missed my bus. So I had to drive.
Max Medina: Let's discuss this outside.
Rory: So, I'm driving down this road, and I get hit by a deer.
Max Medina: You hit a deer?
Rory: No, I got hit by a deer. [Max Medina scoffs] You don't believe me? I've got antler prints on my mother's car.
Max Medina: Rory, come on.
Rory: No! You have to let me take this test! I'm ready for it. I know everything there is about Shakespeare.
Max Medina: Okay, okay, you've to calm down now.
Rory: I know his birthday, his mother's name-
Paris: Loser.
Rory: And just what is wrong with you? You already have everything. You already have the grades and the status. What is wrong with you that you have this need to be the biggest jerk in the world?
Max Medina: Okay, let's go.
Rory: Huh. What's up, quippy? Why so silent?
Max Medina: Outside, now.
Rory: [to Tristin] And, for the last time, the name is Rory!

Lorelai: Wow, nice face you got on there.
Rory: Coffee.
Lorelai: Bad day?
Rory: I've now used the word "suck" so much that it's lost all meaning to me.