Marie: Sit down. Now you listen to me. Maybe you could all use some advice from someone who's in a position to give it.
Debra: See what you did, Amy?
Marie: You think we have nothing to offer? We've been married 46 years. We've seen the lows, and we've seen the highs.
Frank: What day was the high?

Frank: Grandpa Sal, very scary. He once made Mussolini wet himself. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him... when he wasn't hitting me.
Robert: Grandpa Joe hit you?
Frank: Sure. I got hit every day.
Ray: Wow, Dad. I didn't know it was like that for you.
Frank: It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was.
Ray: So your dad's dad hit him, he hit you, and you never really hit us.
Frank: I couldn't. I don't know. I was always weaker than him.
Robert: Maybe you didn't want to be like him.
Frank: I didn't.

Ray: Dad, I mean, you're gonna have to stop taking those.
Frank: No way. These babies work.
Robert: Hey, uh, Dad. Do you really need those?
Frank: Hey, your time will come, wise guy. I might not get to hit that often, but when you're called to the plate you better bring a bat.

Marie: I don't understand. What would you tape over your wedding?
Robert: Football.
Marie: Sports? Sports?!
Ray: It was the Super Bowl, Ma.
Marie: It doesn't matter if it was the Super-Duper-Bowl, it's still sports!
Ray: I know.
Frank: Hey, good work, Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping, "You're never romantic," guys everywhere can say, "Hey, you think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a Ray Barone!"
Marie: I must say I'm surprised, Raymond. You're not usually so thoughtless and inconsiderate. He gets this from you, Frank.
Frank: At least I didn't pull a Ray Barone!

Debra: Robert, what do we do?
Robert: I'll fill out a report. You should call your insurance companies.
Frank: Oh, here we go. Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie: Because you can't see anymore.
Frank: I can see a house!

Ally: Do some animals go to hell?
Marie: We don't use those words, Ally.
Frank: Bad animals go to hell, kid. Believe you me, I know. When I was your age, there was this mean old German shepherd named Elsa. I was walking to school one day and I must have crossed too close to her territory. In those days, the Germans were very sensitive about their territory. Well, that's all it took for Fraulein Elsa the Nazi she-wolf to jump out and take a hunk out of my all-American hide. I still have the scar. You want to see it? I'll show you.
Marie: No, Frank!
Ray: What are you doing? Sit down.
Frank: All right! The point is Fraulein Elsa's probably in hell right now dragging her Nazi butt across the devil's carpet.
Ray: Thank you for that heartwarming story.

Ray: How are you right? How are you right?! It's my house and you wanted to paint it yellow! How is that right?
Frank: Because yellow covers better! It won't fade as fast! And you got white houses on either side of you! It makes your house pop a little! And it goes with your trim and the frigging little daisies you got!
Ray: Well, why didn't you just say that?
Frank: I shouldn't have to say it!
Ray: What?
Frank: Because if I say it's yellow, that should be good enough for you! I shouldn't have to explain everything! I'm right!
Ray: Okay, you're right, but it's not always about being right.
Frank: Yes, it is! Being right is all that matters. Everything else is crap! "Oh, you have to consider people's feelings." "Oh, what if they don't like you?" They should like me because I did the job right!

Frank: I was thinkin' it should be pretty easy to finish those stairs. The hard part's already done... where I fall through them.
Ray: Yeah, well, you know, it's all right. I can hire somebody to do it now.
Frank: No, no, no. No way. I want to fix your stairs. Me, not some guy!
Ray: That's nice. But listen, I feel bad you got hurt, so... So... l...
Frank: Hey, don't feel bad. This is what it's all about.
Ray: What do you mean?
Frank: I'm not an idiot. Remember when you were a kid, you gave me that mug that said "World's Greatest Dad"? I hated that. Because I knew I was not that mug. And now you've got kids of your own... The way you are with them...
Ray: What? What, Dad?
Frank: I liked it when you moved in across the street, 'cause I could come to your house, you could come to my house. Nothin' much, just doin' stuff, watchin' the game, playin' some pool. By the way, one of us should get a pool table. It's good what we got... 'cause we're pals now.

Frank: This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.
Marie: What is it?
Frank: It's a piece of shrapnel.
Amy: It's from World War ll in Anzio.
Frank: It's wonderful. I'll bet it's from the ass of some Kraut.

Frank: You got no right to go around bumpin' off God's creatures willy-nilly.
Hank: Well, let's remember, Frank, God did say, "Let man have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
Frank: You creepeth me out.