Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Robert: I'm telling you, the ground, it shook.
Frank: Why didn't you run?
Robert: I did run, Dad. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation before, but the first thing that comes to mind is run! So I'm running and running, and he's getting closer and closer, and then his horn gets me and my feet are off the ground, like I'm flying. Incredibly painful flying. Then he tosses me aside like a sock, and I'm on the pavement, and he gives me a couple of snorts and lumbers up the ramp and into his trailer.
Debra: Unbelievable! You were gored!
Frank: By a freakin' bull! Holy crap!

Marie: What I don't understand is, how did you both fall? Were you going down the stairs at the same time?
Ray: Yes, we were. That is indeed what we did do.
Marie: But why?
Ray: I don't know. It was kind of like a Jack and Jill situation. I went, and then she, you know... Came tumbling after.
Marie: I don't understand.
Ray: Well, there's no shame in that. We all get old.

Frank: I was thinkin' it should be pretty easy to finish those stairs. The hard part's already done... where I fall through them.
Ray: Yeah, well, you know, it's all right. I can hire somebody to do it now.
Frank: No, no, no. No way. I want to fix your stairs. Me, not some guy!
Ray: That's nice. But listen, I feel bad you got hurt, so... So... l...
Frank: Hey, don't feel bad. This is what it's all about.
Ray: What do you mean?
Frank: I'm not an idiot. Remember when you were a kid, you gave me that mug that said "World's Greatest Dad"? I hated that. Because I knew I was not that mug. And now you've got kids of your own... The way you are with them...
Ray: What? What, Dad?
Frank: I liked it when you moved in across the street, 'cause I could come to your house, you could come to my house. Nothin' much, just doin' stuff, watchin' the game, playin' some pool. By the way, one of us should get a pool table. It's good what we got... 'cause we're pals now.

Doctor: You're doing surprisingly well after taking such a fall, Mr. Barone. No injuries other than a broken rib.
Marie: Thank God! [kisses Frank]
Frank: You heard what he said. I'm fine. No kissing.
Marie: I told him not to fix the stairs. I knew something like this would happen. I can't bear to see him hurt. Why are you such a stubborn idiot?!
Frank: Doctor, can I have this removed?
Marie: Doctor, before you go, is there such a thing as a personality transplant?