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The Art of Dick

‘The Art of Dick’

Season 1, Episode 11 -  Aired March 19, 1996

Harry has failed everything he has tried so far on Earth, so Dick takes him to an art class to uncover his hidden talent.

Quote from Dick

Dick: It's inexplicable. I, who bestride this world like an intellectual colossus. I, who make lesser men quiver in awe of my cranial prowess. I, who... I've forgotten my point.


Quote from Harry

Dick: What have you got there, Harry?
Harry: Well, yesterday I was exploring the park, and I found this stone. Look at it. It's been worn to a perfect sphere by the elements and dimpled by time.
Sally: Harry, that's a golf ball.

Quote from Nina

Dick: Nina, my brother Harry is trying to find something to keep himself busy. I was just wondering, how did you get this job?
Nina: I found a magic lamp on the beach, and this was my first wish.
Dick: Wonderful. How can Harry get hold of a magic lamp?

Quote from Tommy

Dick: Tommy, do you ever doodle?
Tommy: Why? Was I in the bathroom too long?
Dick: I-- I can't doodle.
Tommy: Well, Dick, you're kind of old.
Dick: Old? Picasso doodled on tablecloths late into his 60s.
Tommy: That's disgusting.
Dick: I know. I just can't draw.
Tommy: Oh, doodling! Oh.

Quote from Sally

Sally: Leading that bake sale was exhilarating. Those women were crying out for leadership. You know, over half this planet's population is female. If I could just harness their power, we could easily turn men into a slave race. [the guys look concerned] Or maybe just talk hair.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Ooh! Look at this. Now here's a job I can do. "Police seek third gunman." Well, tomorrow I'm going to march right down to the police station and tell them I'm the man they're looking for.
Dick: Good for you, Harry.

Quote from Dick

Sally: Dick, why is it that you see nude people in museums, but they never show 'em on TV?
Dick: Sure, they do, but never in comedies, only in dramas. And, even then, only when the ratings sag.

Quote from Leon

Dick: Low-mass black holes form only when matter is compressed into enormous densities by very large external pressures. And this demonstrates which principle of quantum matter physics? [silence] I'll give you a hint. It has nothing to do with geometric cosmology. Anyone? If no one answers, I'll have to pick someone.
Leon: Someone please answer. Please raise your hand. Please, someone. Answer, please.
Dick: Leon, since you're talking, I'll ask you. What's the principle?
Leon: Uh, wetness?
Dick: No. Try again.
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, why do you keep calling on Leon? It's just not funny anymore.
Dick: That's nonsense. Leon, the only way of understanding the universe is to find the limits of your own intelligence.
Leon: I think I've reached my limit.

Quote from Harry

Dick: Here's something that you could do, Harry. They want somebody to sweep up the burger palace.
Harry: Oh, sure, after about four years of grad school maybe.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Dick, I invented a new color. I combined red and yellow. I call it red-yellow. I can't wait to show it in art class.

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