Dick: Tommy, do you ever doodle?
Tommy: Why? Was I in the bathroom too long?
Dick: I-- I can't doodle.
Tommy: Well, Dick, you're kind of old.
Dick: Old? Picasso doodled on tablecloths late into his 60s.
Tommy: That's disgusting.
Dick: I know. I just can't draw.
Tommy: Oh, doodling! Oh.

Dick: It's inexplicable. I, who bestride this world like an intellectual colossus. I, who make lesser men quiver in awe of my cranial prowess. I, who... I've forgotten my point.

Dick: What have you got there, Harry?
Harry: Well, yesterday I was exploring the park, and I found this stone. Look at it. It's been worn to a perfect sphere by the elements and dimpled by time.
Sally: Harry, that's a golf ball.

Dick: Nina, my brother Harry is trying to find something to keep himself busy. I was just wondering, how did you get this job?
Nina: I found a magic lamp on the beach, and this was my first wish.
Dick: Wonderful. How can Harry get hold of a magic lamp?

Sally: Leading that bake sale was exhilarating. Those women were crying out for leadership. You know, over half this planet's population is female. If I could just harness their power, we could easily turn men into a slave race. [the guys look concerned] Or maybe just talk hair.

Harry: Ooh! Look at this. Now here's a job I can do. "Police seek third gunman." Well, tomorrow I'm going to march right down to the police station and tell them I'm the man they're looking for.
Dick: Good for you, Harry.

Sally: Dick, why is it that you see nude people in museums, but they never show 'em on TV?
Dick: Sure, they do, but never in comedies, only in dramas. And, even then, only when the ratings sag.

Dick: Low-mass black holes form only when matter is compressed into enormous densities by very large external pressures. And this demonstrates which principle of quantum matter physics? [silence] I'll give you a hint. It has nothing to do with geometric cosmology. Anyone? If no one answers, I'll have to pick someone.
Leon: Someone please answer. Please raise your hand. Please, someone. Answer, please.
Dick: Leon, since you're talking, I'll ask you. What's the principle?
Leon: Uh, wetness?
Dick: No. Try again.
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, why do you keep calling on Leon? It's just not funny anymore.
Dick: That's nonsense. Leon, the only way of understanding the universe is to find the limits of your own intelligence.
Leon: I think I've reached my limit.

Dick: Here's something that you could do, Harry. They want somebody to sweep up the burger palace.
Harry: Oh, sure, after about four years of grad school maybe.

Harry: Dick, I invented a new color. I combined red and yellow. I call it red-yellow. I can't wait to show it in art class.