Michael Scott: I know that you went to corporate this morning. And I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you to tell me right now exactly what you were doing this morning.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you or this company.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I want you to think about your future at this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Don't- Don't you dare.

Holly: Oh, it was a pretty good company, but I just couldn't see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in, but impossible to rise up.
Michael Scott: That's what she- A lot of places are like that.
Holly: I think it's really cool you hired Kevin.
Michael Scott: Thanks.

Michael Scott: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?
Doctor: A head injury.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot has been fairly severely burned, and healed quickly, very quickly. Actually, like, suspiciously quickly.
Doctor: So I'm ordering a CAT scan.
Dwight K. Schrute: What is that?
Michael Scott: Look, since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot in? We can take a look.
Doctor: Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.
Michael Scott: Okay, what kind of machine is that?
Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke. Damn it, Dwight.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Hey, buttercup.
Jan: Hi.
Michael Scott: I am on my way. I should be there in about 15-
Jan: All right, let's just blow this party off.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Michael Scott: Listen to me. I like you so much.
Holly: I like you too.
Michael Scott: And I've dated almost 4 women last-
Holly: I've dated 4 guys last year too.
Michael Scott: No. In like, the last 10 years. I've dated almost 4 women. And you are so far above them it is stupid.
Holly: Michael, don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Michael Scott: This is a keystone account. I want you in the school in person.
Jim: All right.
Michael Scott: I want you to bring a partner.
Ryan: I'll go.
Michael Scott: No, sweet cheeks. We need somebody who's actually made a sale.
Angela: Andy, you go. William Dolittle at your service, a.k.a. Will Do.
Jim: Yeah, I'm definitely going to go alone.
Michael Scott: No! No! I need two men on this! That's what she said. No time! But she did. No time! Guys!

Michael Scott: Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Jan: At least he's an artist.
Michael Scott: B.F.D., I'm a screenwriter.
Jan: And I'm a candle maker, but you don't hear me braggin' about it!
Michael Scott: No, all you do is you get me to try to work on my rich friends.
Jan: For an investment opportunity!
Michael Scott: Man, I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it, you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh, good, I'll be your first customer!
Jan: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: That's what she said!

Michael Scott: Okay, I think that thing is on the fritz. Ah, Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what he said! Right, guys, 'cause of gay?

David: I just want to say that this golden ticket idea is one of the most brilliant signs of initiative I've ever seen at this company, and how about a big round of applause for Mr. Dwight Schrute!
Jim: All right, Dwight!
David: This is huge.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's what she said.
David: Very funny.

Michael Scott: Hey, hey, Jim. It would make me feel really good right now if you would just punch me in the face. All right? Just do it.
Jim: How many times have I asked you to put me up for a branch manager job?
Michael Scott: I never recommended you because I didn't want to lose you. And I don't want to lose Pam. Now I don't want to lose the baby.
Jim: So instead, you screwed me?
Michael Scott: That's what she said. No!