Best ‘The Goldbergs’ Quotes Page 1 of 25

Quote from Beverly in The Darryl Dawkins Dance

Beverly: [beep] me sideways. I have raised some thoughtful children.

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Quote from Beverly in Mama Drama

Beverly: Are you crying?
Adam: No.
Beverly: Who hurt you? Tell me and I will hurt them tenfold.

Quote from Beverly in Happy Mom, Happy Life

Beverly: Somebody stole my baby. Well, not real baby, fake baby. It's a toy. Somebody stole my toy! I'm going to get attitude from my son's pretend wife. Can someone call the police? Or Toys 'r Us? I don't [beep] know any more.

Quote from Beverly in I Drank The Mold

Virginia Kremp: Oh please, I've seen Adam doing horseplay when I have specifically requested no horse play. He's no angel.
Beverly: Oh, he is an angel. He could literally sprout wings and take flight at any moment.

Quote from Beverly in Van People

Beverly: Murray, no. Our babies can't live in a van. They could get snatched by a kidnapper, who wouldn't need a creepy van because he's being conveniently provided with one.

Quote from Erica in Family Takes Care of Beverly

Barry: I just saved your life.
Erica: What?
Barry: According to the way of the Samurai, you're my servant until the debt is repaid.
Erica: That's not a thing.
Barry: Oh, it is. It's the Bushido code.
Erica: Well, that sounds like complete Bushido.

Quote from Beverly in I Rode a Hoverboard

Beverly: Hi. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Beverly Goldberg.
Mrs. Kim: Yes, of course. You're the mom who I thought worked at the school 'cause she's there so much.
Beverly: I'm involved, yes.

Quote from Barry in Cowboy Country

Barry: If I hear you say no again, I'm hulking out. We're talking screaming and swearing. I'm gonna smash this decorative box.
Murray: Do not hulk out. Do not smash that decorative box.
Barry: Say goodbye to the decorative box.
Murray: Your mom keeps her knick-knacks in there.
Barry: I'll destroy her knick-knacks too! Hulk doesn't respect knick-knacks..

Quote from Beverly in Dinner with the Goldbergs

Alex: Okay, ma'am?
Beverly: Okay, write this down very carefully. I would like the sirloin, medium-plus, with garlic butter sauce on the side. I would like the vegetable medley, but instead of asparagus, I would like six pieces of shrimp.
Alex: We don't substitute shrimp for vegetables.
Beverly: Oh. That changes everything.

Quote from Beverly in Dinner with the Goldbergs

Beverly: I would like the hanger steak, Pittsburgh style, but instead of Barnaise sauce, I would like crab cakes.
Alex: We also don't swap out sauces for actual food.
Beverly: Okay, got a whole lot of rules that don't make any sense. All right, here's what we're gonna do. I would like the sirloin, medium-plus, with garlic butter sauce on the side. Okay, let's start over. I would like a baked potato with sour cream and chives, but extra sour cream on the side. I would like a petit filet, a large petit filet, red peppers and beans and asparagus and creamed spinach and add the horseradish on the side. I'm not, like, starving, so cut the potato in half and put half of it to go. ... And all the mushrooms you have.

Quote from Barry in Why're You Hitting Yourself?

Barry: My perfect girl? Well, she should have big blue eyes, and big blonde hair.
Beverly: Mmm, she sounds fun.
Barry: She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass.
Beverly: Oh, sit up straight, honey.
Barry: And I want her to take care of me. Cook, pick up my stuff, make me hot pockets.
Beverly: Mmm.
Barry: By the way, thank you for the hot pocket.
Beverly: All right, and I'm on the case for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy.
Erica: You know you just described mom.
Barry: What!? I did n- Oh, my God! Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all. And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all.

Quote from Barry in The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Beverly: I just I wanted to tell Barry, uh, [quietly] don't pitch.
Barry: Did you just call me a "dumb bitch"?
Beverly: No, I said "don't pitch."
Barry: What? That's even worse!

Quote from Murray in Dinner with the Goldbergs

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was now decision-making time. And for my dad, the only choice was how to save money.
Murray: Okay, it's time for Murray's menu rules. Remember, no prime cuts, no fancy sides, no out-of-season vegetables, no market price, no salad bar, no items in French, no dry-aged anything, and, most importantly...
All: No appetizers of any kind, 'cause that's how they screw ya.
Geoff: Does that include a nice soup?
Murray: Are you for real? Is he for real? You're gonna eat a little meal before you eat a big meal? How many meals do you need?

Quote from Barry in In Conclusion, Thanksgiving

Barry: So, that's when Chris Columbo married Pocahontas and they feasted on corn. Or maize, named after its amazing taste after you add butter.

Quote from Barry in The Adam Bomb

Barry: I saw something today that changed me. David Hasselhoff was on the Great Wall of China in a light up jacket singing about freedom. And it occurred to me, if Knightrider can make East and West Russia find common ground, maybe we can too.
Pops: While your facts are wildly off, your spirit is right on the money.

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