Best ‘The Goldbergs’ Quotes Page 2 of 25
Quote from Barry in Why're You Hitting Yourself?
Barry: My perfect girl? Well, she should have big blue eyes, and big blonde hair.
Beverly: Mmm, she sounds fun.
Barry: She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass.
Beverly: Oh, sit up straight, honey.
Barry: And I want her to take care of me. Cook, pick up my stuff, make me hot pockets.
Beverly: Mmm.
Barry: By the way, thank you for the hot pocket.
Beverly: All right, and I'm on the case for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy.
Erica: You know you just described mom.
Barry: What!? I did n- Oh, my God! Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all. And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all.
Quote from Beverly in Dinner with the Goldbergs
Alex: Okay, ma'am?
Beverly: Okay, write this down very carefully. I would like the sirloin, medium-plus, with garlic butter sauce on the side. I would like the vegetable medley, but instead of asparagus, I would like six pieces of shrimp.
Alex: We don't substitute shrimp for vegetables.
Beverly: Oh. That changes everything.
Quote from Barry in In Conclusion, Thanksgiving
Barry: So, that's when Chris Columbo married Pocahontas and they feasted on corn. Or maize, named after its amazing taste after you add butter.
Quote from Barry in The Adam Bomb
Barry: I saw something today that changed me. David Hasselhoff was on the Great Wall of China in a light up jacket singing about freedom. And it occurred to me, if Knight Rider can make East and West Russia find common ground, maybe we can too.
Pops: While your facts are wildly off, your spirit is right on the money.
Quote from Beverly in The Darryl Dawkins Dance
Erica: Mom, I need you to get heavily involved with your son in an inappropriate way.
Beverly: I'm in. You name it. I'll do it.
Quote from Beverly in A Chorus Lie
Beverly: What if I had a way to solve your problems? A way to make this your biggest hit yet?
Miss Cinoman: Mrs. Goldberg, we have been through this in the past. You can't be in the musical.
Beverly: No, no, I have come to accept that.
Quote from Beverly in Dance Party USA
Beverly: Honestly, there should be a museum for the two of you. It'll be called the Schmoopie Center for Cuteness and I will be the curator, and people will line up for blocks just to delight in your deliciousness.
Quote from Beverly in The Lost Boy
Beverly: Wow, I am being rejected by two people who were tethered to my body for nine months by a food cord. That's right, everything I ate you got a tiny mushed up version of. Everything!
Quote from Erica in DannyDonnieJoeJonJordan
Erica: Look, it's Barry's baby helmet.
Barry: No! I thought we gave that back to the institute.
Erica: You were so cute with your little flat head. I used to rest my Kool-Aid on you. Oh my gosh, it's a picture of you all helmeted up. This is gonna look great in the year book.
Quote from Barry in The Opportunity of a Lifetime
Beverly: Look, I spoke to Coach Mellor. He said the most likely outcome here is that you'll be a city-wide pariah.
Barry: [gasps] The fish that have teeth? Yes! They're the sharks of the river.
Beverly: Not "piranha," Barry. I'm saying you'll be a laughingstock.