Murray: Hi. Uh, three tickets for the movie about the talking duck. You know, I only see one movie a year. This better be good.
Adam: It's George Lucas! I bet everyone in school's gonna see it. Well, except the other Adam Goldberg in 11th grade. He only goes to that cinema downtown that serves wine.

Adam: Wow. That was so cool.
Murray: Were we watching two different things?
Adam: You don't know Star Wars. This special is really for the true fan.
Murray: So, the true fan wants to watch Dorothy from The Golden Girls flirt with an alien?
Adam: Uh, okay, I admit it was an odd choice to have Bea Arthur manage the cantina. Let's just move on.
Murray: And what's the deal with Lumpy and Itchy?
Adam: Chewie's family had to be named something.
Murray: Lumpy and Itchy? Couldn't they have spent 15 more seconds on the names?
Adam: I don't know! And I don't know why Art Carney is a family friend or why Jefferson Starship is performing for the Empire.
Murray: Starship's in their name. That one actually makes sense to me.
Adam: Let's never speak of this again.

Adam: Okay, I get it. You're trying to take my things now.
Pops: Is that what's going on? I was wondering why Barry was insisting I hang out with him and give him sage advice.

Adam: There's two Adam Goldbergs. One of us uses an F to differentiate.

Erica: Mommy, remember that one time when I lived in your tummy?
Beverly: [gasps] So weird. I was just thinking about that.

Elaine: Beverly, we usually do classics or award winners. The point of book club is to enrich our minds.
Beverly: Put a sock in it, Elaine. Last week, you picked that suck-ass "Joy Luck Club."
Pops: Bevy, that book was a heart-wrenching masterpiece.
Beverly: Okay, what are you even doing here? This is a book club for ladies.
Pops: That's exactly why I'm here. Albert Solomon, book lover.

Murray: Did anyone call while I was out?
Erica: Yeah. I wrote it down on the pad.
Murray: Flurt Burtman? Who the hell's Flurt Burtman?
Erica: I don't know. He was talking all fast, 'cause it was important. Anyway, call him back.
Murray: Call who back?! If it's important, I need to know the actual name.
Erica: I don't know. I'm not invested, because it wasn't for me.
Murray: What the hell's this message? "PP"?
Erica: Oh, Barry wrote that. My guess is he either drank too much Mr. Pibb or Pop-Pop called?
Murray: Wait. My dad called? He never uses the phone. He always thinks the Cubans are listening.
Erica: Oh, he calls all the time. He just says, "Tell the moron I'll call him back." Oh, so this is me giving you those dozens of messages.

Adam: Okay, as you know, you've been mocking my changing voice for this entire year. But now that I'm going to high school, it's time for you to get out all your insults here and now so we can bring this hurtful chapter to a close.
Barry: You sound like a harmonica in a dryer.
Erica: You sound like the child of Louis Armstrong and Harvey Fierstein.
Barry: You sound like the Tin Man before he was oiled.
Erica: You sound like a witch gave a frog a voice.
Beverly: Stop it! His voice is perfect. He sounds like a beautiful angel with an undescended testicle.
Adam: I regret this.

Principal Ball: I call your name, and then you go up and get the piece of paper. But no showboating, no speeches, and no doing the worm, Dave Kim. I am onto you.
Dave Kim: This is America, man.

Barry: What? I didn't even do anything.
Beverly: Adam says you're gonna haze and humiliate him at school?
Barry: Oh, that. Yeah, that's happening.
Beverly: Like heck it is. You lay one finger on my baby-
Barry: You mean the pubescent monster standing next to you? Take a look at him, Ma. He's all grown up now.
Beverly: That is not the, uh- No, that's not- Is this true?
Adam: No! Look at me! Actually, don't. Uh, close your eyes and imagine me from last year.
Beverly: Oh, my God! He's right. My baby is going to high school.
Adam: No! Stop reeling at the passage of time! Protect me!
Beverly: Your voice. I'm just now hearing it for the first time. It's like the last gasp of an old helium balloon.