Barry Quote #730

Quote from Barry in The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Beverly: I just I wanted to tell Barry, uh, [quietly] don't pitch.
Barry: Did you just call me a "dumb bitch"?
Beverly: No, I said "don't pitch."
Barry: What? That's even worse!


 ‘The Opportunity of a Lifetime’ Quotes

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Look, I spoke to Coach Mellor. He said the most likely outcome here is that you'll be a city-wide pariah.
Barry: [gasps] The fish that have teeth? Yes! They're the sharks of the river.
Beverly: Not "piranha," Barry. I'm saying you'll be a laughingstock.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Lucky, Adam, thank you for joining me. Today, Big Tasty wins the most coveted prize in AM radio.
Adam: You do realize these are virtually impossible to win, right?
Barry: Not when you invented a top-secret formula that guarantees me to be the 100th caller.
Adam: Seriously? How?
Barry: Two words, Math matics.
Radio Announcer: [v.o.] Just hit caller 85. So close.
Barry: It's 1.7 seconds per call, so if I multiply the amount of callers by the rate of calls, then I dial them up in exactly-
Radio Announcer: [v.o.] Dial right now! Don't wait another second!
Barry: 37 minutes.
Adam: Yeah, that's not right.
Radio Announcer: [v.o.] Just hit caller 90.
Adam: You should call right now!
Barry: You dare question my Texas Instruments?! It's from Texas. That's where NASA is, bro!

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: You see that boy right there? That's Ruben Amaro Jr., baseball star, recruited nationally and currently dominating seven of his peers with the sheer power of his rifle arm. And yet his chances of making it to the pros are almost zero.
Ruben Amaro, Jr: Wait, what?
Coach Mellor: If anybody can do it, it's you, Ruben.
Beverly: So if Rubin might not be a Philly, what's the best case for Barry here?
Coach Mellor: Best case? Barry uncorks a wild pitch and blinds a peanut vendor.

 Barry Goldberg Quotes

Quote from Cowboy Country

Barry: If I hear you say no again, I'm hulking out. We're talking screaming and swearing. I'm gonna smash this decorative box.
Murray: Do not hulk out. Do not smash that decorative box.
Barry: Say goodbye to the decorative box.
Murray: Your mom keeps her knick-knacks in there.
Barry: I'll destroy her knick-knacks too! Hulk doesn't respect knick-knacks..

Quote from Why're You Hitting Yourself?

Barry: My perfect girl? Well, she should have big blue eyes, and big blonde hair.
Beverly: Mmm, she sounds fun.
Barry: She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass.
Beverly: Oh, sit up straight, honey.
Barry: And I want her to take care of me. Cook, pick up my stuff, make me hot pockets.
Beverly: Mmm.
Barry: By the way, thank you for the hot pocket.
Beverly: All right, and I'm on the case for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy.
Erica: You know you just described mom.
Barry: What!? I did n- Oh, my God! Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all. And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all.

Quote from In Conclusion, Thanksgiving

Barry: So, that's when Chris Columbo married Pocahontas and they feasted on corn. Or maize, named after its amazing taste after you add butter.