Beverly: And the Mom-inees are... Inspector Fudge, a parody, directed by Adam Goldberg.
Pops: We all knew he was gonna find the fudge. It's in his name!
Beverly: The Partially Dressed Gun, a parody of the parody The Naked Gun, directed by Adam F. Goldberg.
Pops: I didn't care for that one.
Adam: 'Cause you never saw the source material!
Beverly: Adam and Chad Throw Pies at the Garage, directed by Adam F. Goldberg.
Pops: That one, at least I understood.
Beverly: And the Mommy goes to...
Pops: I'm nervous for you, kid.

Pops: This isn't over, is it?
Beverly: Nope.
Pops: You're gonna go destroy that poor other Adam Goldberg, aren't you?
Beverly: Damn right I am.
Pops: Why do I bother asking? I know all the answers.

Adam: Would a beautiful girl like these parachute pants?
Pops: I see why they threw them out of a plane.
Adam: Tomorrow needs to be perfect.
Pops: And it will be. You're throwing a party to land a girl. I've thrown millions of shindigs, and they all went gonzo.
Adam: Gonzo's my favorite Muppet, so I'm in.
Pops: First thought... don't mention Muppets. Second thought... throw this party the night a war ends.
Adam: We're kind of locked for this Saturday.
Pops: After I got back from the Pacific, I kissed a thousand nurses.
Adam: That seems like too many.

Adam: Ooh! How about a roped-off private area where two people can talk and get to know each other?
Carla: Yes! A rope! Put that down.
Adam: We're humming now! Anyone else?
Pops: How 'bout an oyster bar?
Adam: What are you doing here?
Pops: Making suggestions to get some enchantment back in this party.
Johnny: What's with the old guy? And why is he suggesting sea vomit?
Pops: Question... what's the sexiest instrument? Answer? The oboe!

Adam: Pops, I don't need your help.
Pops: But if you want romance, your pals are steering you toward disaster.
Adam: I know what I'm doing!
Pops: Doesn't mean you don't need my advice.
Adam: Pops!
Pops: Here's some more gold. Turn up the temperature and watch the girls glisten.
Adam: I need this party to be cool, not sweaty. And oboes and clams aren't cool.
Pops: Oysters! Why would you have clams at a party?
Adam: Enough! I don't need your help.
Pops: I'll let my oboe guy know you won't be in touch.

Adam: I'm sorry I told you I don't want you around. That's not true.
Pops: Aw, sometimes it might be. You're a young man. You don't need your Pops cramping your style.
Adam: I don't get it. How are you always so understanding?
Pops: Hey. You're my best bud. I know what's in your heart. [Adam hugs Pops] Yeah, me too, buddy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to break up. Come on, everybody! Let's ride!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That night, Pops busted out the coolest party trick I'd ever seen.
Pops: Come on, come on.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He got a bunch of alte kakers to make it crazy-uncool! There were puzzles, bingo, pictures of grandkids, and plenty of butterscotch. And, man, did it clear that party out fast.
Adam: We did it. We totally saved this house. [furniture crashes] That'll buff out.

Pops: Enough. She did it, Adam! For some reason, she wanted to give you Pee-pee's big excursion.

Beverly: Okay, I'm not gonna overreact, but this is the worst disaster that's ever happened to any family ever.
Pops: I walked across Europe as a child, but sure.

Adam: My life is ruined!
Pops: Whatever it is, look on the bright side. You can still digest cheese.
Adam: Will you take this seriously? I came back from summer looking like a bronze Ricky Schroder, and now the popular kids want me bad.
Pops: While I don't entirely follow, that does not sound like a problem.
Adam: Are you kidding? I belong on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video!
Pops: You do have a nice way about you.

Pops: I hear you. When I got back from the war, my banjo buddies could not relate to my army buddies. Eventually, we had to find a mutual joy. Turns out it was banana cream pies.
Adam: That's it! If I want everyone to be friends, I just have to find common ground!
Pops: I just told you, banana cream pies.
Adam: I-I'll give it five more minutes, but thanks!