Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom's campaign was a runaway train. But there was one person we could always count on to pump the brakes.
Adam: I hope you're aware that your wife is down there destroying democracy!
Murray: It had a good run.
Adam: If she wins, she's gonna bankrupt the city!
Murray: Mm, changing things up.
Adam: And you know this whole thing's gonna end up costing you a fortune!
Murray: Marriage ain't cheap.
Adam: How can you just sit there and not care about this?!
Murray: I'm a riddle.
Adam: Pfft!

Pops: All right, Murray, it's a fact... you're up to something.
Murray: Can't a man support his wife?
Pops: If the man is you? Typically, no. She's clearly out of comptrol. What's going on?
Murray: You know how Bevy's always looking for purpose in her life and she always has these bad ideas of what her next chapter should be?
Pops: Sure. Teaching. Cookbooking. Selling mannequins door to door. It was surprising how well that went.
Murray: I'm sick of being the one to tell her how stupid her life choices are.
Pops: There's probably a better way to say that.
Murray: Exactly. I'm gonna let the voters tell her for me. Let them be the bad guy. And then, I'll be the supportive husband who doesn't have to move.
Pops: That actually makes some sense.
Murray: That's what I was going for.

Beverly: What am I looking at?
Murray: That's one of one hundred premium wedding chairs.
Beverly: This chair is for a child.
Murray: Nah. It's perfect.
Beverly: Well, if it's so perfect, why don't you sit down.
Murray: Because I prefer to stand. I like being on the balls of my feet, ready to pounce.
Beverly: Sit!
Murray: [groans] All right. There you go. Well, that's, uh... that's quite comfortable. I like being so close to my knees.
Beverly: You can sit that way through the whole ceremony?
Murray: I'm in a great deal of pain.
Beverly: Dammit, Murray, you failed me, like everyone else! What am I supposed to do now?!
Murray: I'm gonna tell you what I tell our kids. There's nothing wrong with quitting.

Murray: You know, I was gonna save this for my wedding speech, but what the hell. Marriage... is not a sure thing.
Bill Lewis: That's a rough start.
Murray: Look, if you find the right woman, like I did, it's the easiest choice in the world. I knew I loved Bevy soon as I met her. Over the last 28 years, she's really taught me what love is. If you find a woman who makes you half as happy as Bevy makes me, you're set for life.
Bill Lewis: [opens door] I want what you have.
Murray: That's a good thing 'cause it's waiting right outside.
Bill Lewis: You really are my best man. [hugs Murray]

Adult Adam: [v.o.]Ah, the phones of the '80s; kitschy, colorful and enormous. And my dad hated all of them. Especially when he couldn't get through to the house.
Murray: A busy signal?! Oh, what kind of Chatty Charlie is hogging the line?! Piece of crap garbage children! [to a customer] If you met them, you'd know!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But then we got the cutting-edge tech that would end the busy signal forever... call waiting.

Murray: Where'd he go?! [line beeping]
Female Voice: Please deposit ten cents.
Murray: Fine! I'm gonna get every onion there is!

Murray: I will take away everything and everyone you love forever!
Beverly: Too much club, sweetie.
Murray: Well, then, fine! I'll throw your bedroom into the ocean!
Beverly: Moving closer, but still a miss.
Murray: All right, I will remove all of your precious phones!
Adam: Mom, talk to your husband. We need phones. What if there's a medical emergency?
Murray: There will be if you don't move out of my way!

Beverly: They're already tossing around names for their children. They want to name their son Cameron.
Murray: My first instinct is to do nothing. I'm gonna go with that.
Beverly: You're not shocked by any of this?
Murray: Nah. My first girlfriend? I told her I would die for her. We broke up a week later. Just found out she died.
Beverly: Nobody cares about your old, dead trollops.

Murray: I'm home! Doesn't mean it's the start of a conversation.
Adam: Dad! Put your pants back on!
Beverly: Vicki Bee is here!
Murray: The principal?
Vicki Bee: No, Murray, I'm Brea's mom. It's nice to finally meet you.
Murray: I'm sorry. I wish somebody would've called and let me know I'd be uncomfortable in my own home.
Beverly: We would have except Murray got rid of all the phones.
Murray: Because this moron was constantly tying up the line, talking to his moron girlfriend!
Adam: Whose mom is right here!
Murray: Great, we're practically family. [removes pants] Off they go.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, my mom realized Mrs. Bee's past might affect my future. So she did this.
Beverly: Murray, we've got to break up Adam and Brea!
Murray: Damn right! That lady's way too old for him.