Beverly: Murray... what's all this?
Murray: Too busy hating the house to come up here?
Beverly: [chuckles] I deserve that. It's kind of wonderful.
Murray: It's why I bought the place. I know it needs a lot of work, but it's also got a lot of charm.
Beverly: Kind of like you.
Murray: [chuckles] Hey, I thought when the grandkids go to sleep, we could come up here, have a foo-foo drink, sit and watch the ocean or something dumb like that.
Beverly: It's not dumb. It's sweet.
Murray: Look. I'm sorry I bought this place without you. It's your dream house. You should have a say in it. But I never had money like that, and I got excited, and... [sighs] I messed up.
Beverly: Murray, I'm the one who should be apologizing. If you believe in this house, then so do I.
Murray: You're not embarrassed?
Beverly: Oh, beyond. But not because I couldn't see how special the house is, but... 'cause I couldn't see how special my husband is.

Adam: You sure you were discreet?
Beverly: Don't worry, Schmoo. I sent Principal Ball a memo made with cut-up words out of magazine, like a ransom note. I should have been a kidnapper.
Adam: If it makes you feel any better, you did steal most of my childhood.
Beverly: It does. Ta!

Beverly: Tell you what. I'm just gonna forget my keys right here. [Keys clack] And if anyone chooses to come looking for them, I'd never know.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] There they were. I finally had my...
Beverly: Whoa! I, uh... I need my P.O. box key. A lot of mail-order shopping your dad would frown upon. [keys clack] Oop! Clumsy me, forgetting my keys again.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I had the access. Now all I had to do was...
Beverly: I forgot my Mace. You know, with my blond hair and curvy physique, I'm a magnet for pervs. There. [keys clack] [whispers] I was never here.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And with that, I officially had the keys to unlock my legacy.

Erica: I'm sorry, but the only place I want to be is away from this conversation.
Beverly: Who's getting away? Tell me you're not doing something selfish, like joining the Peace Corps.
Erica: Barry wants me to go to L.A.
Beverly: L.A.? [scoffs] Those health nuts don't cheese anything, and "sugar" is just something your agent calls you.

Beverly: Yay! My middle Schmoopie helping my oldest Schmoopie while my youngest Schmoopie looks on. [sings] ♪ I love my schmoos ♪
Adam: Oh, no! She's co-opted the Randy Newman song and ruined its message of municipal pride!
Beverly: ♪ Look at that Adam ♪ ♪ Look at that Barry ♪ ♪ Look at that Erica, too ♪ ♪ I love my schmoos ♪
Barry: She loves us!
Beverly: I love 'em!

Adam: Gah! For a few brief joyful moments, I forgot you work here.
Beverly: And I forgot you were a lying sack of dog crap.
Adam: Whoa! I'm your special schmoopy!
Beverly: Yeah, a schmoopy who lied to his mama about spending the night at a friend's house instead of playing games of chance with degenerates!
Adam: How'd you find out about that?
Beverly: Who do you think set up Corbett's mom with Officer Carl?
Adam: Oh, damn your extraordinary matchmaking skills!

Pop-Pop: Blondie?! You chase away the marks? I almost had enough to buy that top-shelf mac and cheese.
Adam: Not the best timing, Pop-Pop.
Beverly: Not only did you lie to me, you took advantage of your unsound grandfather.
Adam: I'm sorry! But there were some life lessons, too! He taught me the art of the bluff.
Beverly: Well, you are grounded for the rest of your life, including adulthood, old age, and whatever afterlife you thought you might enjoy. Now tell me... am I bluffing?
Adam: I fold.

Beverly: [gasps] There she is! Congratulations to the happy couple, together again.
Erica: We're not back together.
Beverly: Oh. Well, in that case... [slides cake into the trash can]
Erica: Mom, that was a whole cake!
Beverly: I make six cakes a day, most of which you never see.

Beverly: What happened?
Erica: Geoff's seeing some saucy Aussie named Paula Hogan.
Beverly: Australia? [scoffs] Those people throw shrimps on the barbie with no cheese whatsoever.
Erica: That's definitely the takeaway here. Worst of all, I had to hear it from Barry.
Beverly: Wait, so you didn't talk to Geoff?
Erica: So?
Beverly: So, I love your brother with every fiber of my being, but he's a barely functioning human.
Erica: Wait, are you actually admitting one of your children might have a flaw?
Beverly: Please. He is a perfect angel without any fault or weakness. But 100% yes. We've gotta find out the truth.

Beverly: Did I just hear someone mention meatballs? 'Cause I just gutted a salmon I'm about to parm.
Murray: Meatballs was the girl's idea.
Beverly: Wow, Brea, you've really become quite the comfortable guest.
Brea: I'm sorry?
Adam: Don't be. Watch this. Maybe we should watch Stakeout.
Barry: Yes! Bring a steak out. I want a rib eye, a tomahawk, and a porterhouse.
Murray: Makes sense to me. Triple Crown of beef.
Beverly: So, I guess we'll have fish, meatballs, and every cut of beef. Thanks, Brea.
Brea: I'm just here to watch a movie.
Adam: Like Hamburger Hill?
Barry: A hill of burgers? That'll be the perfect start to Brea's festival of meats!
Murray: Whatever works for ya, Bevy, but I would definitely chuck the fish and go with the meats like the girl says.
Beverly: Well, I guess Brea's beef banquet it is. [chuckles] Happy Thursday to me, Brea.