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41Quotes from ‘So Swayze It's Crazy’

The Goldbergs: So Swayze It's Crazy

415. So Swayze It's Crazy

Aired February 22, 2017

When Beverly tries to support Adam's decision to start an acting career, she can't see past her own percetion of him as a leading man. Meanwhile, Murray mixes in as he tries to show how much he knows about Erica.

Quote from Murray

Pops: Mur, would it kill you, for once in your life, to make an effort?
Murray: Fine. Tell me some stuff about the girl one.
Pops: Well, Erica's heartbroken because she's in love with a boy who's not interested in her anymore.
Murray: What boy?
Pops: Geoff.
Murray: The kid with the giant head?
Pops: No.
Murray: The one with the teeny head?
Pops: Who are these people?

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Quote from Adam

Adam: So, you think I got what it takes?
Beverly: Squishie, you're so talented they should give you all the Oscars. Best Little Snuggle Goblin, Adam Goldberg.
Adam: Adam F. Goldberg. I don't want to get confused with the other Adam Goldberg in my school. He's got more of a Jim Jarmusch vibe, and I'm more of a Jim Varney.

Quote from Dave Kim

Murray: You're my son's friend, right?
Dave Kim: Uh, yes.
Murray: And you've been in love with Erica for a long time?
Emmy Mirsky: Like, forever.
Murray: She finally loves you back. Mazel Tov.
Emmy Mirsky: Did that just happen?
Dave Kim: Don't question it. Everything's coming up Dave Kim.

Quote from Barry

Adam: The only talent you have is being delusional.
Barry: I'll make you eat those words once Haim and Feldman make me the third Corey.
Adam: How can you be a Corey? Your name's Barry.
Barry: Being a Corey is a way of life. And when we're on set, I'm gonna make you my sad little assistant and I'll say, "Go get me a Coke." Then you'll come back and give me a Coke and then I'll yell, "I said Diet Coke!" And then you'll cry, "No, you said Coke!" And then I'll say, "Don't you ever question me in front of the other two Coreys."
Adam: Well, then I'll throw the Coke in your face, and the director will see my passion and make me the lead of "Lost Boys 2." And now I'm a Corey.
Barry: There can't be four Coreys!
Adam: Well, then we take a vote, and you're out.
Barry: You can't do that! I own a Camaro and a beach house. It takes a ton of money keeping up with the Coreys, and now I'm broke, thanks to you!

Quote from Erica

Erica: I am not your peanut. Because of you, I got serenaded in front of the whole school.
Murray: You don't have to thank me.
Erica: It was the wrong boy. I like Geoff, but Dave Kim sang to me.
Pops: Oh, no!
Erica: Yes.
Pops: What have you done, Murray?
Murray: Honestly, I don't know. This is all so confusing.
Erica: This is Dave Kim, a tiny freshman creeper who dresses like Velma from "Scooby Doo." And this loveable, sweet dope is Geoff Schwartz.

Quote from Murray

Erica: Name one of my friends, just one.
Murray: Bill's daughter.
Erica: Whose name is?
Murray: ... La Vondra.
Erica: LaVondra?
Murray: Larla.
Pops: Larla?

Quote from Erica

Erica: What are you doing?
Lainey: Nothing.
Erica: Remember how Barry got jealous of Boy George, so he dressed up like him? Well, now Barry's gonna go all-out to be punk and- Oh, my God, you did this on purpose.
Lainey: Punk is super sexy. I want to see Barry in a studded leather jacket and tight jeans and don't gag like you always do.
Erica: I'm sorry, I can't [gags] help it. You [gags] You two make me ill.

Quote from Barry

Matt: Hold up. What's in this for me?
Barry: Well, if you do a good job, I'll make you a member of the JTP.
Matt: Is that a band?
Barry: Jenkintown Posse is more of a small, weirdly tight-knit friend group.
Matt: Well, it has been hard to find people to sit with at lunch. I think people are afraid of me.
Barry: Aw, 'cause you dress like a lady ghost?
Matt: What? No.
Barry: Doesn't matter. I'm in your hands. Mentos me.

Quote from Murray

Erica: Uh, Dad, what the hell was that?
Murray: Yeah, what was that?
Erica: I'm talking about you saying that I'm still dating Drew Kremp, which is his actual name, not Dante.
Murray: By your tone, I'm guessing you two broke up.
Erica: Three years ago! Do you seriously not know anything about me?
Murray: Peanut, I'm just bad at names, especially when the people don't interest me.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Whoa, what's happening here? Why are you using those words to describe my handsome star?
Edie Robb: Listen, I get it. I love my boy, RD, with all my kishkas. But when it comes to booking roles, he's the number-one shmendrick in town.
Beverly: What do you mean?
Edie Robb: There's not a dork, dweeb, yutz, putz, or jamoke that my brilliant boy hasn't booked.
But Adam could give him a run for his money, which is my money, too, 'cause I take 10%.
Beverly: Thing is, my baby is none of those things. He's more like a handsome hunk from "The Outsiders."
Edie Robb: Ah, I see what's going on here. You have a completely unrealistic view of your son.
Beverly: Please, I have a very realistic view of Adam, my little Patrick Swayze.
Edie Robb: He's not a Swayze.
Beverly: Oh, he's a Swayze.
Edie Robb: No Swayze.
Beverly: So Swayze, it's crazy.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Now all we need are some hunky headshots to prove you're not a total goob. Not that Edie thinks that. Nobody does.
Adam: Sweet. I'll go get my Vader cape. No, wait, not cool enough. Voltron helmet.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Where is he? Where is the man who helped give me life, only to ruin it with his stupidity?

Quote from Murray

Murray: You know, I I'm not usually known for feeling things, but that made me feel [quietly] sad.
Pops: What was that?
Murray: [whispers] Sad. [whispers] Sad.
Pops: Speak up.
Murray: It made me sad, damn it, like maybe I should participate in her life or something.
Pops: Maybe? Of course you should.
Murray: Fine! Will you [quietly] teach me?
Pops: Say he words out loud, Murray.
Murray: Teach me! Tell me everything there is to know about her.
Pops: I'll make you some note cards.
Murray: Thanks, Al. [quietly] You're a good person.
Pops: I know.
Murray: Oh. That you heard.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Pops gave me a master class all about you. Now I know everything there is to know about Erica Dorothy Goldberg. Age 17, who likes Christian Slater, Gibson guitars, and the occasional side pony, which is a hairstyle.
Erica: Wow, great. You learned a few things about me, and now you're, like, Dad of the Year.
Murray: Ho, ho. Card number 43, you cover insecurity with sarcasm. Classic Erica.
Erica: Stop doing what you're doing.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I get it. You're mad. I told Dave Kim that you loved him, when it's really Geoff Schwartz who you love.
Erica: Dad, stop!
Murray: What, you think I'm gonna tell Geoff Schwartz that you love him. That's Geoff Schwartz. I know that because of card 27.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Schmoopy. Schmoopaloo. Schmoopy-booper. Schmoop de jour. Schmoopy doopy poopy soupy. Have a scoopy.
Adam: Stop saying variations of "schmoo" and go away.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Hey. We got to talk.
Erica: If it's about what my dad said, we really don't.
Geoff: I really think we should.
Erica: Geoff, come on. You know my dad is utterly clueless.
Geoff: True.
Erica: I mean, what does my dad always call you?
Geoff: Jeremy or Jack. He called me Jorf once.
Erica: That's not even a name. So, yeah, he's, like, dead wrong.

Quote from Murray

Erica: Uh, Dad.
Murray: Listen, I know I screwed up with these stupid things, but, uh-
Erica: Thank you for making a mess of things.
Murray: So, you're not mad at me.
Erica: You know, it actually kind of worked out for the best.
Murray: I knew it would, Erica Dorothy Goldberg.
Erica: No, you didn't.


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