Will: Hey, you know what, you ain't got to do nothing, Uncle Phil. You know, it ain't like I'm still 5 years old, you know. It ain't like I'm going to be sitting up every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy coming home?" You know, who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive. I learned how to shave. I learned how to fight without him. I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. To hell with him! I didn't need him then and I don't need him now.
Philip: Will-
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm going to marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm gonna have me a whole bunch of kids and I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids. How come he don't want me, man?

Will: What am I supposed to do about my rep?
Chill: Yo, you got to stand up to Omar Boulware, man.
Word: Word.
Carlton: Who's Omar Boulware?
Chill: Some guy Will wouldn't fight.
Will: The dude that be spinning me over his head in the opening credits.

Will: Uncle Phil, I'm telling you, I think we should just pull into a gas station.
Philip: Will, for the last time, I don't need directions. [car splutters]
Will: You're right. You need gas.
Philip: Okay, I made a wrong turn. It's no big deal, it's not the end of the world. We'll just... We'll thumb a ride to the nearest gas station. We used to do it a lot in the '60s.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uncle Phil, can you take a stroll into the '90s, please? We are three Black men on the side of a mountain road. The only people that's going to stop is going to have on sheets and saying stuff like, "Get them, Jim Bob."

Judge: Mr. Smith.
Will: Thank you. Your Honor, I'm from West Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground is where I spent most of my days. I don't have a big bag of fancy courtroom tricks. Or a high-priced degree from Princeton like my worthy adversary, Judge Philip Banks. But what I do have is the truth!
Philip: Oh, shut up, Will! Your Honor, Mr. Smith is making a mockery of the entire legal system.
Will: And this man is making a mockery of a finely cut Italian suit.
Judge: Order in the court.

Miss Sharpe: Well, will Mrs. Banks be joining us?
Will: Uh, no, I'm single. I mean, um, Ashley's mother ran out on us. Ashley was but a mere tyke at the time. I had to be both Mommy and Daddy. We went from training wheels to training bras. They both came off too soon, didn't they, kitten?

Carlton: So, Will, you haven't told me about your new place.
Will: Oh. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you know, I'm moving in soon. You know, right now they putting a Jacuzzi in and they getting the mirrors on the roof.
Carlton: So what, it's kind of a fixer-upper?
Will: Oh, no, no. No, not at all, man. Yo, this place is huge. I mean, we got floor-to-ceiling walls and wall-to-wall floors. Man, yo, it's the bomb.

Vivian: This is my nephew, Will. Uh, and this is his hair.
Norma: It's a pleasure to meet you both.
Whitey: Call me Whitey.
Will: Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna call you that then you gonna call me the other thing, and we're gonna be here fighting.
Philip: Will, Whitey is the president of a very prestigious savings and loan.
Will: Oh, really? Guess a lot of your buddies wearing suits like this now, huh?

Will: Oh, boy, I love this. Halloween, the only night a Black man can walk around in this neighborhood with a mask on and not get arrested.

Philip: After we gave you a second chance, this is how you repay us.
Luther: I did not rob you.
Philip: Oh.. You gotta believe me. Will, you believe me, right?
Will: You know, it's people like you that give ex-cons a bad name. I- I'm calling the police, man. [A cop knocks on the door] Damn, that was fast! Yo, they must have thought we was White folks.

Will: Can we get back to moi, please? I got a part on that soap opera, Now and Forever.
Philip: Oh, please. They hired you, somebody who's never acted in his life, to star in a network TV show. Pppt.
Will: Well, it happens.