Aunt Helen Quotes Page 1 of 6    

Quote from Mommy Nearest

Janice: Well, Vy, tell me, what's the real deal between you and Robert?
Vy: I wasn't in love with him.
Aunt Helen: Girl, are you crazy? That man had a business, a car and money. Now, what's love got to do with it?


Quote from Mommy Nearest

Janice: Frank, honey, I think it's time to change Frank, Jr.
Frank: Okay, babe. You know what, you look a little tired. Why don't you come and lay down and I'll rub your feet for a little while.
Janice: Thanks, baby.
Aunt Helen: That does it, I'm getting me a White man. [Vivian & Vy laugh]
Vy: Girl, stop it.
Aunt Helen: No, just to help around the house a little bit. Now, come on, you know you all were thinking it.

Quote from Guess Who's Coming to Marry?

Vivian: What are you doing down here in the dark?
Aunt Helen: Well, I couldn't find the lights in this bowling alley you call a kitchen.
Vivian: Well, I couldn't sleep, either. I hope this wedding doesn't turn into a disaster.
Aunt Helen: Now, look I don't care if Frank is Black, White, or candy-apple red. I've been on Slim-Fast for the last two weeks to fit into my dress. Now somebody's gonna marry somebody up in here. The hell with it. Start slicing up that ham.

Quote from Guess Who's Coming to Marry?

Aunt Helen: Oh, my! Is this the Banks' house or Buckingham Palace? Hey, big sister Vy. You got a boyfriend yet? Now ain't no point in saving nothing these days. You hear what I'm saying?
Vivian: The whole neighborhood hears what you saying.
Philip: Helen, I see you still haven't come out of your shell.
Aunt Helen: Vivian, girl, you look good. And you've lost weight in all the right places. Philip, you look good. And you look good.

Quote from Guess Who's Coming to Marry?

Vivian: Janice, why didn't you tell anybody about Frank?
Janice: I guess I was hoping no one would notice.
Aunt Helen: Honey, who'd you think you were bringing him home to? Stevie Wonder?

Quote from Mommy Nearest

Aunt Helen: I'm still half asleep, so don't nobody talk to me.
Janice: Did the baby wake you up?
Aunt Helen: Eleanor and Lou woke me up. I swear that man's part jackhammer.
Vy: Oh, Lord, they didn't even eat this much at the Last Supper.
Aunt Helen: Well, I guess you old enough to remember.
Vy: Yeah, but I'm still young enough to kick your butt.

Quote from There's the Rub (Part 2)

Aunt Helen: All right. Mm. Mm, mm. Another year, another hairdo. Who you trying to catch, Hattie?
Vy: I guess you and Will gonna be hitting one of them all-night Thanksgiving jams, huh?
Hattie: Oh, girl, that boy couldn't keep up with me if I gave him a head start.
Workman: I've got one more outside. I'll go get it.
Vivian: He's a hunk.
Vy: Yeah. Did you see the way he was looking at me?
Aunt Helen: Girl, that man wasn't looking at you, he was looking at me. Tsk. Looking at me like it was lunchtime and my legs was Colonel Sanders' extra crispy. Wasn't he, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: If you mean something fast and cheap, yes.

Quote from There's the Rub (Part 1)

Aunt Helen: You're just jealous, Vy. Jealous because I'm fine.
Vy: Fine?
Aunt Helen: Fine.
Vy: Well, I've been told that I'm very sexy.
Aunt Helen: 900 numbers don't count.

Quote from Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (Part 2)

Aunt Helen: Go away.
Philip: [o.s.] Open the door, Helen. It's Philip.
Aunt Helen: I'd give him a blast of pepper spray but I'm afraid he'd just eat it.

Quote from Will's Christmas Show

Aunt Helen: Look, all I know is Lester and I have been saving up for this trip all year. We are not sleeping on the floor.
Lester: Baby, we're on vacation. Wherever we lie down, we aren't gonna be sleeping.
Aunt Helen: Lester, how many times I gotta tell you to cut down on that vitamin E? I am not a machine.
Lester: Well, I am. You gonna let me rock your world?
Vy: Get a grip on yourself, Lester.
Aunt Helen: Don't encourage him.

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