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‘Will Goes a Courtin’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Goes a Courtin

406. Will Goes a Courtin

Aired October 18, 1993

Uncle Phil takes Will and Carlton to court after they refuse to pay rent and then host a pool party against his wishes.

Quote from Will

Judge: Mr. Smith.
Will: Thank you. Your Honor, I'm from West Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground is where I spent most of my days. I don't have a big bag of fancy courtroom tricks. Or a high-priced degree from Princeton like my worthy adversary, Judge Philip Banks. But what I do have is the truth!
Philip: Oh, shut up, Will! Your Honor, Mr. Smith is making a mockery of the entire legal system.
Will: And this man is making a mockery of a finely cut Italian suit.
Judge: Order in the court.

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Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Thank you, Chet. It's good to be back. Yes, I'm here at the Farmers Market, and as you can see my fans haven't forgotten me.
Man: Why haven't you answered any of my letters?
Hilary: Well, the good news is the heat wave is over. L.A. will have a high tomorrow of only 65. [crowd cheers] Oh, sorry, that "LA" stands for Louisiana. Our high will be 112. [crowd groans] Well, they have the same abbreviation. This is Hilary Banks surrounded by ordinary people at the Farmers Market. Now back to you, Chet. Don't any of you touch me.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: I can't believe she wore that dress.
Geoffrey: Would you like a Swedish meatball, sir?
Philip: Don't mind if I do.
Geoffrey: Ah-ah. Only one, sir. The rest are for Master William and his friends, poolside.
Philip: What? I can't believe that he would deliberately disobey me!
Geoffrey: I wouldn't call it disobedience, sir. It's more like outright defiance.
Philip: That's it! [exits]
Geoffrey: [to himself] Dance, puppets, dance!

Quote from Will

Carlton: Hey, Will, any sign of Dad yet?
Will: Well... That's either him or a rhino that got his horn chopped off.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: I don't know why I ever listen to you. I was content having my father push me around for the rest of my life. Now who knows what he's gonna do to us.
Will: Relax, man, what's he gonna do, sue us?
Geoffrey: Oh, gosh, now you've gone and spoiled the surprise.
Will: What's this?
Geoffrey: Subpoenas from your father. And may I say, it's been a pleasure serving you.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: What's this?
Philip: A bill for your breakfast.
Carlton: Dad, this is an outrage! Three dollars for orange juice?
Geoffrey: Oh, and I've taken the liberty of adding a 15-percent gratuity.

Quote from Hilary

Will: Okay, Miss Banks, you were the previous tenant in the aforementioned pool house, is that correct?
Hilary: Yes.
Will: And would you please tell us of your experiences there.
Hilary: Am I under oath?
Judge: Of course.
Hilary: Well, Trevor would come over at about 3 o'clock in the morning and we would...
Will, Carlton & Philip: Objection!
Judge: That does it! You may step down.

Quote from Philip

Philip: [on the phone] Everything is fine, Vivian. Tell Ashley and Nicky that I miss them too. Okay? Okay, love you. Oh, kiss your sister for me. [hangs up] God knows I wouldn't do it.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Well, Daddy, L.A.'s favorite weather girl is ready to go back to work.
Philip: With that on?
Hilary: Oh, I know, I'm tired of black too but I want the public to know I'm still mourning Trevor's death.
Philip: Oh, you know, I just don't think that black is the right color for this kind of heat.
Hilary: Oh, don't worry, Daddy, this dress is surprisingly cool. It's like I'm wearing practically nothing.
[Philip nudges Geoffrey after noticing him staring at Hilary]
Geoffrey: She's not my daughter.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Dad, when are you gonna get the air conditioner fixed? It's sweltering in our place.
Will: Yeah, man, it's so hot out there the Uh-Huh Girls just went: Unh.
Hilary: Everybody keeps talking about this heat wave. Maybe I should mention it in today's weather report.
Will: You know, that girl has got the mind of Willard Scott. Hey. Come to think of it, you got his body. Y'all should team up.

Quote from Philip

Will: No, check it out. On the serious tip, you got to fix our air conditioner today. We got some people coming over for a party. And as good hosts, we'd prefer that they didn't melt.
Philip: Sorry, Uncle Phil has left the building. You're now talking to landlord Banks and he's not fixing anything until he gets his rent.
Carlton: You'll get the rent when we get the air.
Philip: What did you say?
Carlton: I'm sorry, was I talking out loud?
Will: You know what, Uncle Phil? Forget it, you win. We'll just move our little somethin'-somethin' from inside to poolside.
Philip: Oh, no, you don't. No rent, no pool, no party, no nothing.
Carlton: What does he mean by "no nothing"?
Will: Oh, don't worry about it, it's a double negative.

Quote from Will

Will: Girl, let me tell you, switching this to a pool party was a stroke of genius.
Gayle: Why do you say that?
Will: Oh, couple of reasons. Girl, I got to tell you, that suit look like a piece of "good God" wrapped up in some "have mercy" with a side of: "Oomph!"
Gayle: Really? I mean, you don't think it's too revealing?
Will: Well, if it is, your secret's safe with me. You know? You know? Come on, let's get out of this heat before I pop something, you know.

Quote from Will

Philip: Will, I am going back in the house, and when I come out I want all of these people gone.
Will: Well, they will be if you come out in the morning, Uncle Phil.
Philip: [chuckles] Wait, wait. Let me get this straight, young man. You are telling me what will or will not happen in my own house?
Will: Excuse me, but this is my house. I pay rent here too, eventually.
Philip: You watch how you talk to me.
Will: Well, then, Uncle Phil, stop treating me like a child.
Philip: Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to a man.
Will: That's right. It's me, Will Smith.
Philip: Oh, well.
Will: Man.
Philip: I guess you're ready to play a man's game, huh? All right, Will, if that's the way you want it.
Will: Don't come back, neither.

Quote from Carlton

Will: G, listen, how upset was Uncle Phil last night?
Geoffrey: Well, he did something I've never seen him do in all the years I've been here.
Will: What, a sit-up?
Geoffrey: It's a bit more serious than that, I'm afraid. You know the cherry cheesecake, candied yams, barbecued ribs left over from yesterday?
Carlton: Yeah.
Will: [gasps] Oh, my goodness, it's still there.
Carlton: Oh, I'm afraid. Hold me, Will.

Quote from Philip

Bailiff: This is the last case of the day, number 1218 Phillip Banks v. Will Smith and Carlton Banks for nonpayment of rent.
Judge: Philip, I can't believe you're suing your own son and nephew.
Philip: Oh, relax, Lois, this is just a little lesson in responsibility. They're probably not gonna show up. In fact, they're probably home now, preparing their apologies.
[Will and Carlton enter the courtroom in fine suits carrying briefcases]
Judge: Looks like they've prepared more than an apology.

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