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‘Robbing the Banks’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Robbing the Banks

315. Robbing the Banks

Aired January 18, 1993

When the Banks house is robbed, attention quickly turns to Luther, a man just released from prison, who Will convinced Phil to hire.

Quote from Will

Philip: After we gave you a second chance, this is how you repay us.
Luther: I did not rob you.
Philip: Oh.. You gotta believe me. Will, you believe me, right?
Will: You know, it's people like you that give ex-cons a bad name. I- I'm calling the police, man. [A cop knocks on the door] Damn, that was fast! Yo, they must have thought we was White folks.

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Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Geoffrey, my bags are upstairs.
Geoffrey: How thrilling for you.
Vivian: Geoffrey, you know, I'm very, very fond of you but I'm also eight months pregnant and I'm not in a very good mood. I could very easily rip out your heart eat it, and then have cappuccino. Am I making myself quite clear?
Geoffrey: Hallmark couldn't have put it any better.
Will: Hey, you know, Aunt Viv I'm really gonna miss you this weekend.
Vivian: Oh, no, you're not. And I'm not gonna miss you, either.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Guess what? You're not going to believe this.
Will: You paid for your own dinner?
Hilary: Are you insane? I'm going to be interviewed by the "LA Weekly." Now that I'm a famous weather girl people want to know the real me. Now, if anyone asks, I'm 21 and I fought in Desert Storm.

Quote from Will

Geoffrey: Madam, I've put your luggage in the limousine.
Vivian: Okay, goodbye, sweetheart. Alright, I'll give John and Cheryl your love. And I promise I'll try and come back in a better mood... if I come back at all.
Will: You know, Uncle Phil, if we're lucky she'll come back as Clair Huxtable.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Mr. Banks, the gardener left this for you.
Philip: "Dear Mr. Banks, how can I put this? Your wife is crazy. And you're cheap. I quit. Adios, Hector." Great. Just what I need.
Geoffrey: Can I be of assistance, sir?
Philip: Yes. You can now call a gardener, call an exterminator uh, find a plumber, and fix the garage door.
Geoffrey: Even Aladdin only got three wishes.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Vivian, sweetheart, there was an army of ants in my shower this morning.
Vivian: Oh, welcome to the club, Philip. Call the exterminator. And while you're at it call the garage door people and the plumber.
Philip: Well, I thought you were gonna take care of that.
Vivian: Oh, I'm as big as a house. All I wanna do is lie in bed and eat pie.
Philip: Me too, but I still get things done.

Quote from Philip

Philip: And if you want to stay out of jail I suggest, you stop associating with known criminals and low life scum.
Will: Jamal?
Jamal: Will!
Will: Yo, man. You cool, you cool, this is my uncle. Hey, Uncle Phil, this is--
Philip: The defendant. Sit down, Will.
Will: Oh, my fault. Sorry. Hey, Jamal, why don't you offer him this KitKat...
Philip: Will!

Quote from Philip

Philip: Mr. Devins, I find it difficult to believe that you've put forth an honest effort to find employment.
Luther: Yeah, I'm willing to take any kind of job, Your Honor. I'm good with my hands. I can fix practically anything.
Philip: Then why are you unemployed?
Luther: I'm an ex-con. Nobody wants to hire an ex-con.
Philip: Oh, please. That's a very lame excuse, Mr. Devins. Are you aware that I'm perfectly within my rights to send you back to prison?
Will: Hey, yo, Uncle Judge. Hey, Uncle Phil, you could give him a job.
Philip: Are you crazy? He's an ex-con.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil. All that stuff that's broken around the house. And plus, I'm telling you, I got a good feeling about this guy. Look at him.
Philip: I don't think that would work, Will.
Will: Aw, Uncle Phil, remember what your pop said "Uh, it is better to give than to receive."
Philip: I really, really hate you.
Will: Love you, too, Uncle Phil.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Will, you are a genius. Luther is a Godsend. He fixed all of the bulbs in my vanity mirror. I'm even prettier than I thought.
Will: You know, Hilary, I don't even think it's possible for you to be prettier than you thought.
Hilary: Thank you, Will.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Well, he got all the TV's.
Philip: Uh, he got silverware, too. I feel like such a fool. He was probably planning this from day one.
Carlton: Well, don't blame yourself, big guy. Blame Will. He should've told you when Luther stole his baseball.
Philip: What baseball?
Will: [Spanish accent] What baseball? Well, baseball game where man with stick hit ball and run. Sort of like this.
Philip: Hold it!

Quote from Will

Will: Yo, C, can you take me to the beach, man?
Carlton: Will, you're taking that baseball to the beach with you?
Will: No, no. See, this isn't just a baseball. This was autographed by "Say Hey" Willie Mays. I mean, I had to sell half your coin collection just to buy it.
Carlton: Well, if you ask me, you're obsessed.
Will: I'm obsessed? Look, Carlton, you hurt his feelings. Say sorry. Say it!
Carlton: I'm sorry. Will, seek help.
Will: Carlton, can you just drop me off at the beach? You know what, scratch that. Drop me off a couple blocks away. You know, the honeys might get a little nervous if they see me with a midget.
Carlton: Will, today is senior day. We're supposed to work on our college applications and think about our futures.
Will: Oh, I am, and it's just that my future involves a sweet young thing in a thong. You know what I'm saying? You know? Come on, let's jam, pee wee.
Carlton: Forget it, Will. I'm not going to the beach. I'm going to the library.
Will: Oh, really? Well, I got ten spankies here that said you're going to the beach.
Carlton: [takes the notes] They lied. [runs]

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: G, can you please take me to the beach?
Geoffrey: So sorry, Master William. I'm on a break.
Will: G, when is it gonna be over?
Geoffrey: When you get another ride.

Quote from Will

Will: Oh, look, a Black Howdy Doody.
Philip: That is my assistant Edward. Shame on you, Will. God. [opens door] Good morning, Howdy, uh, Edward.

Quote from Will

Edward: Good morning, Judge Banks. I hope you don't mind the imposition. But I thought you could review your notes on the way to court.
Philip: Edward, even I can't drive and read at the same time.
Will: Sure, you can, Uncle Phil, I do it every morning on my way to school. [laughs and slaps Edward, repeatedly]
Edward: Actually, I took the liberty of putting your notes on tape.
Philip: Oh. Thank you, Edward. It must have taken you hours.
Edward: Three days, but I found it extremely enlightening not to mention rewarding.
Philip: Yeah.
Edward: Oh, I almost forgot one thing.
Will: Uh, if it's your nose, I think I know where you left it.

Quote from Will

Edward: I was hoping to have a day off. I have an interview with a very prestigious law firm.
Philip: Oh, I have a very busy today, Edward. Can't you postpone it?
Edward: Of course. I'd be happy to.
Philip: Okay.
Edward: I'll just wait another eight months.
Philip: Go to the interview, Edward.
Edward: Thank you, sir. Thank you again. And again, and again.
Will: Ed, you want me to get you some knee pads?

Quote from Will

Philip: Well, Will, sometimes you have to put yourself aside and do something to help others.
Will: You know, you-you right, Uncle Phil, and I-and I see it. It's like a vision. I'm gonna do that when I'm 30.
Philip: Will, I'll never make it through this day without help. Come on, like my father used to say to me "It's, it's better to give than to receive."
Will: Your pop had a bit of a drinking problem, didn't he?
Philip: Get out of those clothes and get into the damn car.
Will: A gentleman would at least give me dinner first.

Quote from Will

Philip: Next case. Where are my files?
Will: Oh, I-I got them right here for you, Uncle Phil. You know, I just cleaned them up a little bit, you know?
Philip: Why?
Will: I don't know, man. Some fool spilt some Slurpee or something on it, I don't know. They cool, though.

Quote from Will

Will: [purrs] What's up, baby, why don't you stenog your number down for me, you know? Hmm, girl, you look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all.
Philip: Will, would you approach the bench, please?
Will: Yeah, just a second, Uncle Phil--
Philip: Get your butt over here. Closer.
Will: Huh?
Philip: Come on. A little closer. Come on. Come on. Yes. Come on. [slaps Will] May I remind you that you are here to help me, not help yourself? Now, you sit your butt down over there and shut up!
Will: Kong not happy.

Quote from Will

Philip: Well, counselor I see that your client has violated probation again. Why hasn't he found a job yet?
Lawyer: He's tried, Your Honor, but he hasn't been able to. We're here to request more time.
Philip: Mr. Devins, I see you've served five years in the penitentiary. I'm sure you learned a trade in there.
Luther: Actually, I wrote a book, Your Honor.
Will: Word, that's kind of fly, man.
Luther: Hey, tell that to the publishers who rejected me. I hate rejection. As a matter of fact, I wrote a book of poetry about it.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Yo, check it out, G. My Willie Mays just went up again. I can get 300 spankies for this.
Geoffrey: Uh, 225 tops. I tried selling it yesterday.

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