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‘Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse

424. Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse

Aired May 9, 1994

Will's father, Lou (Ben Vereen), shows up after being gone for fourteen years.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, you know what, you ain't got to do nothing, Uncle Phil. You know, it ain't like I'm still 5 years old, you know. It ain't like I'm going to be sitting up every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy coming home?" You know, who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive. I learned how to shave. I learned how to fight without him. I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. To hell with him! I didn't need him then and I don't need him now.
Philip: Will-
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm going to marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm gonna have me a whole bunch of kids and I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids. How come he don't want me, man?

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Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: Hi, Will. Hi, Lou. My God.
Lou: Vivian. After all these years. Still a stone cold fox.
Vivian: Will, you should have told me. You really should have told me.
Will: I asked Geoffrey to tell you.
Geoffrey: I thought it might be more fun this way. And I was right.

Quote from Philip

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, the way you dissing my father like that.
Philip: The hell with your father.
Vivian: Philip, for God's sake.
Philip: He waltzes in here after 15 years?
Will: Fourteen.
Philip: Oh, excuse me, 14 years. And acts like nothing has happened. Wake up, Will. This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone.
Will: He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everybody can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil. But if I can forgive him, how come you can't?
Philip: Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing it for himself. Now, if you think any differently, then you're a fool.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Hey, just cool it. Just cool down. We can talk about this another time.
Will: You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time, my whole life, and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm out of here.
Philip: Oh, yeah? I don't think so.
Will: Who cares what you think? You are not my father!

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: You know, sir, whenever I'm feeling blue, I think of the poem my dear mum used to recite to me as a lad. The master lives a life of ease While we live life upon our knees Waste not your tears And save your breath For soon he'll die a violent death. Works for me.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Daddy, I had a little accident at the mall. I'm okay, but... I totaled your MasterCard.
Philip: That's okay, honey. Everybody makes mistakes. Here, pick a card.
Hilary: Well, I'll just take this pretty gold one. Thanks, Daddy.
Ashley: What's with him?
Hilary: I don't know. He's like a genie on Valium. Make a wish, hurry.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: Uh, Vivian, would you take Nicky upstairs, please?
Vivian: You're not gonna hit him, are you? Because I don't wanna miss that.
Philip: No, I'm not gonna hit him.
Vivian: Lou, if you walk out of Will's life now, don't you ever come back.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Sit down.
Lou: I ain't got time for no lecture.
Philip: I said, sit down, Lou. You know, Will was doing just fine till you showed up. But now that you're back, you have responsibilities to him.
Lou: Look, we're still gonna take the trip.
Philip: Oh, bull! Bull. Will is not a coat that you hang in the closet then pick it up when you're ready to wear it. His life goes on. He's not supposed to be here for you. You're supposed to be here for him.
Lou: You get off my back! You think I want this? It just happened. Now, when Will was a baby, I was scared...
Philip: Oh, cut the crap, all right? Cut it. Because I've been there. But I didn't run out on my family. I was there every day for them. Because that's what a man does.
Lou: Fine, Philip. You win. You the man. You a better man than me. You happy? Now you gonna tell Will or not?
Philip: I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you.
Lou: Fine. I'll call him from the road.
Philip: Yeah, why don't you do that?
Lou: Yeah, I'll do that.

Quote from Will

Philip: I'm sorry, Will.
Will: You know, actually, this works out better for me. The slimmies this summer come to class wearing next to nothing.
Philip: Will, it's all right to be angry.
Will: Hey, why should I be mad? I'm saying, at least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present.
Philip: I'm sorry. If there was something that I...

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: [on the phone] Listen, Vy, I told you last night, we're keeping a close eye on Will. He's doing fine. Everything is... What? Yeah, Lou still looks great. Hey, I'm sorry. He does. Okay, fine. He's puffed up like a blowfish and bald as an egg.
Geoffrey: [to Philip] Were your ears burning, sir?

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Uncle Lou, it's me, Carlton. Did you bring me anything?
Lou: Carlton? My goodness, haven't seen you since you were 3 years old.
Carlton: I guess we all have a lot of catching up to do. Let's see, where do I begin? Well, when I was 6, we all moved from the hood and... And here I am today. Excuse me.

Quote from Hilary

Lou: Who is this beautiful woman?
Hilary: She's Hilary.
Will: Um, Hilary, this is...
Lou: I'm Will's father.
Hilary: Oh, come on. Will's father is a deadbeat who left him and his mom flat.
Lou: Hello.
Hilary: Uncle Lou!

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, you want some more coffee or something?
Lou: That would be nice. When did you get so tall?
Will: Mostly during the '80s.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: How are you doing?
Will: No, I'm cool, Aunt Viv. I stopped on the way home. I had a few drinks. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm fine, I'm fine. You think that Uncle Phil is gonna be cool with this?
Vivian: I think so.
Will: Yeah. All right.
Vivian: If I can stop him from coming home.

Quote from Hilary

Lou: Uh, I should go.
Hilary: Don't be silly. Who knows if we'd ever see you again? Come on.
Lou: I must be an old man, because little Ashley's all grown up. [laughs]
Will: Yeah, Ashley this is your Uncle Lou.
Ashley: Uncle Lou? You mean he's your...
Will: Yeah, that's right. He's my Lou.
Lou: And this must be little Nicky. May I?
Ashley: Sure.
Lou: Oh, yes, yes. You know, Will, I used to hold you just like this.
Hilary: Then why'd you run out on him?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Well, Lou. It's been a while. How long are you in town for?
Lou: A couple of days. On some business.
Will: Yeah, Uncle Phil, he owns his own trucking company now.
Lou: Well, one truck. But I am my own boss. And I'm making a little money.
Philip: Really? Why didn't you send any back to the wife and child you abandoned?
Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, man.
Vivian: You promised.
Philip: Look, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll skip dinner. I don't have much of an appetite.
Geoffrey: Shall I call 911?

Quote from Will

Lou: I ain't scared of no kiddie roller coaster ride.
Will: Oh, please, you was up there screaming so loud I thought I was sitting next to Patti LaBelle.

Quote from Will

Lou: Will, I owe you an explanation.
Will: No, you don't.
Lou: Yes, I do. You see the day you were born was the happiest day of my life. The first time I held you... I didn't think I'd ever put you down.
Will: So why did you?
Lou: I just wasn't ready to be a father. I started feeling trapped. Well, one day I just panicked and ran.
It was selfish and cowardly... but that's what I did. I'm sorry.
Will: Look, why are you telling me this now?
Lou: Because you're my son and I love you. And I'm a different man now. I'm ready to be part of your life, if you'll let me.

Quote from Philip

Will: My dad has to hit the road tomorrow. And I'm gonna go with him. Why should I spend my summer wasting at the Peacock when I can hit the road with my dad?
Lou: Hey, watch yourself, watch yourself. It's a great way for Will to see the country.
Philip: Forget it.
Lou: Oh, come on, Phil. The boy could use a little adventure.
Philip: Excuse me, but this is a family discussion.
Will: Hey, Uncle Phil.
Lou: Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay. I'll wait in the pool house.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Daddy, there's a dance next Friday, but it's not over till midnight.
Philip: That's okay, Ashley, you can stay out as late as you wish.
Ashley: Really? Well, then, can l...?
Carlton: Hey, save some for me.

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