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‘Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse

424. Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse

Aired May 9, 1994

Will's father, Lou (Ben Vereen), shows up after being gone for fourteen years.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, you know what, you ain't got to do nothing, Uncle Phil. You know, it ain't like I'm still 5 years old, you know. It ain't like I'm going to be sitting up every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy coming home?" You know, who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive. I learned how to shave. I learned how to fight without him. I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. To hell with him! I didn't need him then and I don't need him now.
Philip: Will-
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm going to marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm gonna have me a whole bunch of kids and I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids. How come he don't want me, man?

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Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: Hi, Will. Hi, Lou. My God.
Lou: Vivian. After all these years. Still a stone cold fox.
Vivian: Will, you should have told me. You really should have told me.
Will: I asked Geoffrey to tell you.
Geoffrey: I thought it might be more fun this way. And I was right.

Quote from Philip

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, the way you dissing my father like that.
Philip: The hell with your father.
Vivian: Philip, for God's sake.
Philip: He waltzes in here after 15 years?
Will: Fourteen.
Philip: Oh, excuse me, 14 years. And acts like nothing has happened. Wake up, Will. This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone.
Will: He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everybody can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil. But if I can forgive him, how come you can't?
Philip: Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing it for himself. Now, if you think any differently, then you're a fool.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Hey, just cool it. Just cool down. We can talk about this another time.
Will: You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time, my whole life, and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm out of here.
Philip: Oh, yeah? I don't think so.
Will: Who cares what you think? You are not my father!

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: You know, sir, whenever I'm feeling blue, I think of the poem my dear mum used to recite to me as a lad. The master lives a life of ease While we live life upon our knees Waste not your tears And save your breath For soon he'll die a violent death. Works for me.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Daddy, I had a little accident at the mall. I'm okay, but... I totaled your MasterCard.
Philip: That's okay, honey. Everybody makes mistakes. Here, pick a card.
Hilary: Well, I'll just take this pretty gold one. Thanks, Daddy.
Ashley: What's with him?
Hilary: I don't know. He's like a genie on Valium. Make a wish, hurry.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: Uh, Vivian, would you take Nicky upstairs, please?
Vivian: You're not gonna hit him, are you? Because I don't wanna miss that.
Philip: No, I'm not gonna hit him.
Vivian: Lou, if you walk out of Will's life now, don't you ever come back.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Sit down.
Lou: I ain't got time for no lecture.
Philip: I said, sit down, Lou. You know, Will was doing just fine till you showed up. But now that you're back, you have responsibilities to him.
Lou: Look, we're still gonna take the trip.
Philip: Oh, bull! Bull. Will is not a coat that you hang in the closet then pick it up when you're ready to wear it. His life goes on. He's not supposed to be here for you. You're supposed to be here for him.
Lou: You get off my back! You think I want this? It just happened. Now, when Will was a baby, I was scared...
Philip: Oh, cut the crap, all right? Cut it. Because I've been there. But I didn't run out on my family. I was there every day for them. Because that's what a man does.
Lou: Fine, Philip. You win. You the man. You a better man than me. You happy? Now you gonna tell Will or not?
Philip: I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you.
Lou: Fine. I'll call him from the road.
Philip: Yeah, why don't you do that?
Lou: Yeah, I'll do that.

Quote from Will

Philip: I'm sorry, Will.
Will: You know, actually, this works out better for me. The slimmies this summer come to class wearing next to nothing.
Philip: Will, it's all right to be angry.
Will: Hey, why should I be mad? I'm saying, at least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present.
Philip: I'm sorry. If there was something that I...

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: [on the phone] Listen, Vy, I told you last night, we're keeping a close eye on Will. He's doing fine. Everything is... What? Yeah, Lou still looks great. Hey, I'm sorry. He does. Okay, fine. He's puffed up like a blowfish and bald as an egg.
Geoffrey: [to Philip] Were your ears burning, sir?

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