Lisa: So I say one thing that you don't wanna hear and that's it? You just shut me out without even letting me explain?
Will: "Will, I don't want to marry you" seems pretty self-explanatory.
Lisa: Well, you're wrong. Will, I love you. But I feel like the only reason you asked me to marry you is because you're feeling vulnerable right now.
Will: Well, getting shot kind of has that effect on a brother.
Lisa: I understand that, but what's gonna happen when you're back on your feet and feeling like yourself again? Baby, I don't wanna have to shoot you every six months just to hold on to you.

Dr. Whitehorn: Okay, let's try role reversal.
George Jefferson: No, unh-unh.
Dr. Whitehorn: It'll give you insight into how your partner perceives you. Now, who'd like to go first?
Lisa: Oh, I'd like to.
Dr. Whitehorn: Oh, great, Lisa. Show us Will.
Lisa: [as Will] Who the man? I'm the man. Because I ain't spending no 4.95 on some stank skeezer to take her to the salad bar. If a honey wants to go with me to the Sizzler, she gots to be all that. She gots to look good. Yeah. [fist bumps George Jefferson] You know. Because I'm the man.
Will: Nicely done.

Louise Jefferson: Oh, that is so juvenile.
Lisa: I know it. I have never seen anything so stupid.
Louise Jefferson: You calling my husband stupid? Honey, the only thing stupid here is your big-eared boyfriend. He looks like a car coming down the road with both doors open.
Lisa: [removes her earrings] Oh, no, Miss Thing. It's on now.
Louise Jefferson: All right, sister, bring it on.

Lisa: What was that all about?
Will: Nothing. Jazz just messing with me. Talking about I don't know my baby. Like how much you love sweet potato pie.
Lisa: Baby, I hate sweet potato pie.
Will: You playing, right, girl? You so silly. No, next you gonna be telling me you ain't love Shaft in Africa.
Lisa: I don't.
Will: You sat through it like nine times.
Lisa: For you, baby. But personally, I think the guy's a lowlife slug whose whole sexual identity is an extension of his big, stupid gun.
Will: Anything else?
Lisa: I think he's gay.
Will: Ah! Ah!

Will: Girl, you just won yourself a date to a carnival with an ebony god.
Lisa: Really? I'd rather go with you.

Will: Stop worrying, go to work, and I will handle your father.
Lisa: Will, you don't know my father. He's very overprotective. The last time one of my boyfriends spent an evening with him... it ended our relationship.
Will: So, what? You never saw the guy again?
Lisa: No, no one did. He left town. At least that's what my dad told the police.
Will: I think you're exaggerating a little bit.
Lisa: Okay, maybe a little. But, just in case... it's been really nice knowing you.

Will: Oh, you know what, you're a regular old party girl now, Lisa. Why don't you break it down for her.
Ashley: Oh, okay. Well, let's see here, Ashley. Usually, at these parties there's a bunch of pathetic guys who have a good thing going on, but they think they're missing something so they go out scamming, looking for someone new.
Will: Think I can take it from here, Lis. Thanks for the ride home.
Lisa: Fine, Will, you do what you gotta do and you take your time, but we're gonna handle our business.

Lisa: Okay, baby, I packed your books and your Walkman. Mm. And this cute little backless gown that you just looked so good in.

Will: Look, Lisa when that bullet hit me, I gotta admit, it scared the hell out of me. But it made me realize that maybe I don't have all the time in the world like I thought. I mean, who's to say what's gonna happen tomorrow or next week or the week after that? All I know is that I love you. And, Lisa, believe me, that is never gonna change.
Lisa: [sighs[]Well, in that case, the answer is yes.
Will: Yes?
Lisa: [giggles] Yes.
Will: Yes! [both laugh] Hey, hey. You wouldn't really bust a cap at me, though, would you?
Lisa: Not unless I have to.

Lisa: Will, what is wrong with you?
Will: One more thing. Your name is Lisa, isn't it?
Lisa: Well, it is now. I just couldn't go through life hearing people say, "Hey, Beula."