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‘Boys in the Woods’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Boys in the Woods

308. Boys in the Woods

Aired November 5, 1992

Uncle Phil wants to spend time with Will and Carlton before they head off to college, so he takes the boys on a camping trip to the woods.

Quote from Will

Will: Uncle Phil, I'm telling you, I think we should just pull into a gas station.
Philip: Will, for the last time, I don't need directions. [car splutters]
Will: You're right. You need gas.
Philip: Okay, I made a wrong turn. It's no big deal, it's not the end of the world. We'll just... We'll thumb a ride to the nearest gas station. We used to do it a lot in the '60s.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uncle Phil, can you take a stroll into the '90s, please? We are three Black men on the side of a mountain road. The only people that's going to stop is going to have on sheets and saying stuff like, "Get them, Jim Bob."

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Quote from Carlton

Carlton: For a long time it gave me nightmares... having to witness an injustice like that. It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be. I can still hear them taunting him: "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?

Quote from Will

Philip: Will, we're going to have to turn that money over to the authorities. If nobody claims it, then you can keep it, but until then, I think I should look after it.
Will: Whoa, no! I'm all right, Uncle Phil. You know, I'll just find a safe place to keep it, you know, just for the night. Goodnight, Abe. Goodnight, Alexander. And I can't forget you, Ben. Oh, man, I'm sleeping with the presidents. Must be what Marilyn Monroe felt like.

Quote from Will

Will: You know, Uncle Phil, now, I haven't been on too many camping trips but snow is a bad thing, right?
Philip: Look. Let's look on the bright side, okay? This will give us a perfect opportunity to pull together and show what we're made of.
Will: Does Bigfoot have to come down here with a chain saw before you admit we're in trouble?

Quote from Will

Philip: Good morning, everyone. [chuckles] Ah, you know, men, I'm really looking forward to this. Reminds me of camping with my father. Ah, sleeping under the stars, climbing mountains, braving winds that could knock a grown man flat to the ground.
Will: Hey, man, I ain't trying to be nowhere around a wind that can knock Uncle Phil to the ground.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Carlton's log. I'm wet. I'm wet and I'm cold. I'm wet and I'm cold and I'm in a cave.
Will: Shut up, Carlton.
Carlton: I'm shutting up. I'm shutting up and I'm wet.
Will: [lunges at Carlton] That's it!
Philip: Hey. Just relax! Look, come on. Now, we'll build a fire.
Will: How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil? It's snowing outside. All the wood is soaking wet.
Carlton: Then we'll freeze to death. I don't want to die. I want to go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid. I want to see Karate Kid 17.

Quote from Will

Will: $25,000. Do you all mind if I get butt naked and roll around in this for a little while?

Quote from Will

Will: [whimpers] Whoa, whoa, was that Andrew or Ben?
Philip: It was Ben.
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, Ben. You was one of the few White people I could really count on.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, good morning, G.
Geoffrey: Good morning, Master William. So, ready for the big camping expedition?
Will: Please, man, I'm from Philly. To me, a wilderness experience is dating a girl who don't shave her legs.
Geoffrey: My uncle Reggie always insisted the woods were safer than the cities. Until the day he died.
Will: Word? Yo, how'd he die?
Geoffrey: He was eaten by wolves.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Carlton's log. Earth date: 1992. It's 6:00 a.m. Up with the dawn, the small band of brave souls prepare to pile into their Mercedes. Destination: Adventure.
Will: Carlton, you look like Webster on a safari.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Uncle Phil, I got a bad feeling about this one. I mean, I think we should just turn back.
Philip: Will, you said that before we got in the car, when we pulled out of the driveway, when we pulled onto the freeway, when we pulled off the freeway.
Will: Then do it! Come on, Uncle Phil, it's dark, it's raining, and we're lost.
Philip: We are not lost.
Carlton: Will, ye of little faith. Dad knows exactly what he's doing.
Philip: That's right.
Carlton: Do you think anyone would drive by the same tree seven times on purpose?

Quote from Jazz

Hilary: I could kill you.
Jazz: Okay, baby, hurt me.
Hilary: Look, I am not going to let you screw this up for me. Trevor is a wonderful man.
Jazz: But I'm Jazz, the lover of all lovers. I put the "afro" in aphrodisiac. So lose the stiff, and I'll be waiting in the pool house. Oh, and fix yourself up a little.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Hey, Will, give me the log. That's not why I brought you two up here. Oh, I really blew it. All I wanted to do was spend some time with you before you went off to college.
Will: You know, there was a better way of doing it, Uncle Phil. Perhaps a matinee and a box of Raisinets.
Carlton: Raisinets? I hate Raisinets. Can we get some Goobers?
Philip: It's not the same. Some of the best memories of my life are camping with my father. He taught me how to hunt, fish, how to pitch a tent.
Will: I'm guessing he didn't teach you how to use a compass.
Philip: Now that he's gone I really miss him. I really appreciate what we had together. He was quite a man. I learned so much from him.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Hi, guys. I'm doing the morning weather today.
Will: Oh, goody.
Geoffrey: And after that, you're off to join Miss Ashley and Mrs. Banks at the spa for their beauty makeover weekend?
Hilary: Beauty makeover? With this face? I don't think so.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Carlton's log. We're somewhere in the galaxy. My father has no idea where.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Oh, my God, look! Where's our camping equipment?
Philip: Will, you were supposed to secure everything to the luggage rack.
Will: I did. Oh, wait, this ain't the Volvo.
Carlton: The car phone, we'll call for road service.
Will: Yeah, great idea, Carlton. You can tell them exactly where we are, too. Somewhere in the dark between a rock and a tree.
Female voice: [on the phone] I'm sorry, you are outside the calling area. Please try your call again.
Will: Well, I guess sending for pizza's out.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: What are we celebrating?
Trevor: An empty house.
Geoffrey: Yoo-hoo!
Trevor: I thought this was your day off.
Geoffrey: Correct, but you overlooked one fact. I have no life. [doorbell rings]
Hilary: Geoffrey, will you get it?
Geoffrey: On my day off? You'd really let me?

Quote from Jazz

Geoffrey: Surprise! [laughs]
Hilary: Jazz, what do you think you're doing?
Jazz: Looking after you, my pet. After all, you're a beautiful, desirable woman. Or you would be if you combed your hair once in a while. And some lipstick wouldn't kill you, either.
Hilary: Look, Jazz, go home. [a noise is heard in the kitchen]
Jazz: Ssh. Stand back. Let a man handle this.
Hilary: No. Jazz.
Jazz: What are you doing here?
Trevor: I'm cooking dinner.
Jazz: Good, I like my steak medium-rare. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to freshen up a bit.

Quote from Hilary

Trevor: What happened to your friend?
Hilary: Don't worry about him. What are you watching?
Trevor: One of those silly sentimental films, formula stuff.
Hilary: Can I watch with you?
Trevor: Sure.
Hilary: But I have to go home in a few minutes.
Trevor: [sings] Memories Like the corners of my mind
[Hilary feeds Trevor some popcorn]
Hilary & Trevor: [sing] Misty water-colored memories Of the way we were
Geoffrey: [sings] Scattered pictures Of the smiles we left behind. [Geoffrey waves at Hilary & Trevor]

Quote from Will

Philip: I don't want to alarm either one of you but it's about 20 degrees in here, and it's only going to get worse.
Carlton: Carlton's log. I hate Dad.
Philip: You know, this wood is just too wet to ignite. We need something dry. I'm afraid it's going to have to be something that's near and dear to all of us.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil, at least knock him out first.
Philip: I'm talking about the money, Will.
Will: Nuh-uh.
Philip: Will. Do you want to die with $25,000 by your side or do you want to live to see tomorrow?
Will: ... I'm thinking, I'm thinking, all right?
Philip: I'm afraid there's no other choice.
Will: All right, all right, all right. Look, can I just have a few minutes alone with the guys?

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