Geoffrey: Can I help you?
INS Agent: Are you Geoffrey Butler?
Geoffrey: Yes, I am. And you must be the woman of my dreams. [she handcuffs Geoffrey] You are! Ooh.

Will: Oh, boy, I love this. Halloween, the only night a Black man can walk around in this neighborhood with a mask on and not get arrested.

Carlton: Oh, what a night. I made a killing. Twenty-six Milky Ways. And the Democrats say there's a recession.
Philip: What are you supposed to be?
Carlton: My idol, Macaulay Culkin. You know why he's my idol?
Will: Why? Because y'all the same height?
Carlton: No, because his movies have grossed over half a billion dollars worldwide. Not to mention, he's one heck of an actor.

Ashley: The whole thing gave me the creeps, Geoffrey. Do you really think a person can be cursed?
Geoffrey: How do you think I ended up here?

Hilary: We're gonna name our first son after you, Daddy.
Jazz: By the way, I thought we could get started tonight.
Philip: That's it.
[Jazz throws Uncle Phil out of the house]

Ashley: I can't believe it's been two months since Trevor's bungee accident.
Vivian: Thank God, Hilary seems to be doing better. For a while there, she seemed so crushed.
Carlton: Not any more than Trevor.

Will: Hil, Hil, listen. Um, about you dating Trevor... Oh, gosh, how can I put this gently? I can't, he's dead.
Carlton: Will, Hilary's been through a lot. I'm sure she has a rational explanation for what she's saying.
Hilary: Of course, I do. There's a TV psychic who can channel Trevor's spirit.
Carlton: Okay, I owe you one.
Hilary: His name is Skorpius and I've arranged for a seance.
Philip: Hilary, sweetheart. You don't really believe in this seance mumbo jumbo, do you?
Hilary: Believe in it? I spent $300 for it.
Philip: Honey, you spent $300 on a seance?
Hilary: Not on the seance, for the seance.

Hilary: Let's go, everyone. I don't wanna keep Trevor waiting.
Will: What's the rush? Ain't like he going nowhere.

Carlton: Wow, this place is really creepy.
Hilary: I know. Who would put a deco table on a Persian rug?

Skorpius: I will now make contact with Trevor Collins. Everyone join hands. Spirit guides, I summon you. This humble earthly vessel awaits. Fill me with your essence.
Will: Seem like some medium ain't paid their electric bill, huh?
Skorpius: I'm getting a message from the spirits. Oh, they wish me to tell you: "Shut your pie hole." Oh, I feel a presence in the room. A tall, good-looking man whose life revolves around news.
Hilary: That's Trevor. I know his vibration.