[circle:]
Red: You know... I'm glad the plant is closing. It frees me up to do my own thing.
Kitty: [laughs] You said, "Do my own thing!"
Midge: Oh, Red. Your own thing. That's so hip!
Bob: I love salt.
Red: I like that word, "Hip." It kinda pops, you know? Hip. Hip. Hip-puh! I can see my own mouth!
Kitty: You know what's beautiful? Fruitcake. All of the different-colored little fruits living together in one cake.
Midge: I jumped out of a cake once.
Bob: I also like sweet, but there's just something about salt.
Red: Hip. It starts to lose its meaning after a while, you know? Hip. It's not even a word.

Red: What the hell kind of a world are we living in? "Hey, let's date other people!" "Hey, let's date other people, but ditch 'em and do it in a car!" That's enlightened? In my day, we called them degenerates, and we stoned them. With big rocks.
Kitty: Oh, you did not.
Red: Well, we should have.

Kitty: Have you seen that little stray cat that's been hanging around our house?
Red: Oh, yeah, I met him this morning. Then he met the hose. Kitty, we don't need more things hanging around our house. We already have Steven and Kelso and... foreign kid.
Kitty: Yeah, but they're always busy. Maybe I should get my own cat. I'm not working. I'm home all day.
Red: Here's my problem with cats. Best-case scenario: You get the smartest cat in the world, he still craps in your house.
Kitty: Well, it's just, it would be nice to have something to take care of.
Red: I'll tell you what, Kitty. Instead of getting a cat, why don't we all just stop flushing? It's the same thing!

Kitty: So, Red, you big, old softy. [snickers] Did anything special happen yesterday?
Red: Special? Well, let's see. The dentist called with a cancellation, so I went in and the sadistic son of a bitch found a cavity. The next thing I know, I'm hopped up on drugs and he's taking a jackhammer to my jaw. I spent the rest of the day in a fog.
Kitty: Oh, no. Oh, my God. You don't remember what you said to Eric?
Red: Kitty, I don't even remember how I got home.
Eric: [enters] All right, Dad. Look, I tried to figure out the right words and then I realized I just gotta say it, so-
Kitty: Wait, Eric-
Eric: Mom, please. Dad, I...
Kitty: [slow motion] Stop! He was drugged!
Eric: ...love you.
Red: [normal speed] Go to your room.

Eric: No, uh, Dad, this was just a prank that's gone wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
Red: Well, I've got a prank too. One where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly, horribly wrong!

Red: Wait a minute. Where's the other idiot?
Fez: Other idiot? Do we know another idiot?
Red: Where's Eric?
Hyde: Where's Eric? Where are you, man, and who wants to know? The U.S. government, that's who. Like, I read by 1984, the government will have tracking devices on all of us. And after that, they're gonna jam electrodes in our brains so they can read our memories. Damn U.S. government.
Red: "Damn U.S. government"? Without our government, you'd be stuck in Siberia now sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato. Let me tell you something. If the U.S. government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank you! And God bless America."

Red: Why does everybody go everywhere with us? Look at all these damn kids. I feel like a Mormon.

Eric: So, am I allowed to drink around you guys yet?
Red: Eric, put that back. That's your mother's emergency wine.

Bob: Here you go. One general-issue military cot slightly used from my days in the National Guard.
Red: Well, it's good to know that the National Guard was getting a good night's sleep while I was in the South Pacific dodging bullets and using coral as toilet paper!

Kitty: Okay, here you go. Egg whites only. No yolks, they're bad for you.
Red: But the yellow part is the baby bird. That's the part I wanna eat.
Kitty: Sorry. Too much cholesterol. Which also means no bacon. Just good old heart-healthy ham.
Eric: Mmm. Bacon. That is so good. That is so much better than ham.