Eric: Dad, you sold my car? How could you?
[The wallpaper behind Eric and Hyde is swaying as Red stares at them]
Eric: Just what in the hell were you thinking?
Red: I thought I was helping, because you're always saying how you need money.
Eric: For gas! For the car!
Hyde: Don't yell at him. To be honest, Red, we're a little disappointed.
Eric: I'm not gonna run any more errands for you, pal.
Hyde: You should've checked with us first, Red.
Eric: You know how many times I rotated those tires?
Hyde: You're not supposed to take things that aren't yours.
Eric: I had stuff in the backseat. Now that's all just gone, mister.
Hyde: Forman, it's okay.
Eric: No, it's not okay!
Hyde: Look, Red, who did you sell the car to?
Red: I sold it to a guy named... Peter. Peter... Cottontail. [sings] Hopping down the bunny trail Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way

Eric: [whistles]
Red: Do you know the great thing about whistling? You can stop whistling.
Eric: Sorry.
Red: Eric, bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else, I'm gonna...
Eric: Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Red: Jeez. And I didn't think you were listening.

Hyde: Red, you eating again? I thought you'd be full after that burger.
Kitty: Burger?
Hyde: Yeah. The broccoli burger.
Kitty: Oh, you are lying!
Red: Well, come on, Kitty. This isn't food. This is what food eats.

Eric: My head hurts.
Red: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

Red: Need something, Bob?
Bob: Well, it's a funny thing. The wife and I, we're taking out a second mortgage on the house. Well, that's not the funny part 'cause we're pretty much destitute.
Red: It's a little bit funny, Bob.
Bob: Anyways, I'm looking at the deed to the property and the map shows that I own a couple feet of your driveway and a little bit of your garage.
Red: How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?
Bob: I wouldn't, to be quite honest.
Red: It's free.

Red: Oh, no.
Leo: Yup, it's me. Hey, is my lady around?
Red: Leo, buddy, we gotta talk. You're getting me in a lot of trouble around here. Now, I'm begging you-
Kitty: [o.s.] Who is it, Red?
Red: Listen, hophead! I love that woman with a fiery passion that consumes my soul! That's right! So you can either walk out of here on your own or you can hop outta here with my boot in your ass!
Leo: Okay, I choose the one with nothing in my ass.
Red: Good choice!

Red: What's going on?
Kelso: Oh, just a classic case of hand stuck in vase.
Red: Well, get it off, or you'll have a classic case of foot stuck in ass.

Kelso: You know, I'm gonna take Red's car. I know he's got to hide a key in there somewhere.
Red: Are you brain-damaged?
Kelso: Fez, did you just say, "Are you brain-damaged?" and sound exactly like Red?
Fez: Kelso, you know I only do Johnny Carson and Pepe Le Pew.
Red: Get away from my car.
Kelso: Your car, my car. Aren't we all just driving the same car? It's a car called "life."
Red: How about I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?
Kelso: A simple "no" would suffice.

Eric: Oh, hey. What took you guys so long at the heart doctor's? Oh, let me guess. You had to call in a specialist just to find Dad's tiny heart.
Red: You know, we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass.
Hyde: "We're going to need an ass-foot-ologist, stat."

Red: Today was a total disaster. I didn't sell one muffler and I drove a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.