Fez: No, I cannot be in the same room with him. You and I are through. Now good day.
Kelso: But, Fez... [Fez is silent]
Jackie: Fez? He said, "But, Fez."
Fez: Oh, I heard him.
Donna: Well, now you're supposed to say... "I said good day."
Kelso: Yeah, and then we all know that you're really mad, but eventually, you'll get over it.
Fez: Oh, you'd like that. "Dance, monkey, dance." Well, Kelso, this monkey don't dance no more.
Donna: But, Fez...
Fez: I said good day! [groans]

Eric: Oh, man, I can't believe Donna is serious about this celibacy thing. Fez, how do you cope with not getting any?
Fez: I think you know how I cope. When you don't see me, I'm coping.

Donna: I hate this room. It reminds me of my dad dancing around half-naked with finger cymbals.
Jackie: Well, my show is gonna be a news show.
Fez: All-nude or just topless?
Jackie: Not nude, news.
Fez: I'm not hearing the difference.

Fez: Okay, enough pussyfooting around, which, by the way, does not mean what I thought it meant. Why don't you just get back together? You know you want to. I don't even know why you broke up in the first place.
Jackie: Because he's an incredibly immature jerk who can't commit to a future with me.
Hyde: What she said, but I agree with me.
Fez: Nice rebuttal, which, by the way, also does not mean what I thought it meant.

Fez: What's this?
Kelso: That's breast milk. Don't touch it.
Fez: Breast milk? From real breasts? What don't they do?

Hyde: Fez, man, why were you staying at the record store?
Fez: Well, last week my Bible-thumping host parents found out that I already graduated, so they kicked me out and took all my money as back rent. And then they gave me a Bible.
Angie: Well, I wish you'd been reading that instead of the porno magazines I found in my office.
Fez: You know, Angie, some things you could keep to yourself.
Hyde: I don't understand why you didn't just ask us for help. I mean, we're your friends.
Fez: It was my damn Latin pride.
Red: So you're Latin.
Fez: No, just my pride is. And I also have a Swiss sense of frugality.

Hyde: So you grew up with Fez, huh? You know, we've been wondering something for a long time. Where the hell are you guys from?
Fez: Um, isn't it obvious?
Donna: Okay, just tell us what's the name of your country?
Andrew Davis: Well, that depends on whether you ask the British or the Dutch.
Hyde: Okay, so what if we ask the British?
Andrew Davis: Oh, no, no, no, no! They wouldn't tell you. They hate us.
Hyde: So, what if we ask the Dutch?
Fez: Oh, who can understand a word they say?

Fez: Oh, don't put Batman in the clam of death, Riddler. That's just gonna make him mad. God, you're stupid.
Eric: Fez, for the last time, the Riddler can't hear you.
Fez: Riddle me this, Riddler. When Batman escapes from the clam of death who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?
Eric: Hey, Fez. Riddle me this. [slaps Fez]
Fez: Then riddle me this. [gives Eric a "wet willy"]
Eric: Oh, but, Fez, only if you riddle me this. [gives Fez a "purple nurple"]
Fez: Ow! Riddle me this, you son of a bitch! [they fight]

Fez: What are you doing? I've been chasing you for six blocks.
Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you.
Fez: Yeah, nice try. I know all about your master plan. Now, drive, you sneaky son of a bitch.

Hyde: Damn, Leo, you didn't inherit a million dollars. That's a sweepstakes contest.
Leo: Well, then who has my money?
Fez: There is no money, you son of a bitch!
Leo: Oh. Wow. I guess all this stuff has to go back.
Fez: Oh, that means you too, Feathery Frank. Good day.
Cockatoo: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.