Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Donna: Wow, watching Kelso's van sink makes the size of my feet seem unimportant.
Eric: See, Donna? Size doesn't matter.
Donna: Oh, you don't have to tell me.
Eric: That's... yeah. That's- There's my sweet girl.

Fez: Too bad Kelso doesn't know anything about Jackie.
Kelso: Whoa. That is not true. I know everything about her. In fact, I'll bet I know more about Jackie than Eric knows about Donna.
Eric: Whoa, Kelso. Walk before you run, baby.
Jackie: You think you know me, Michael? Then prove it.
Fez: Oh, I have an idea. Let's play The Newlywed Game. Eric and Donna versus Kelso and Jackie. And I will be the impartial judge who gets Jackie in the end.
Kelso: What?
Fez: I mean, uh, good- good luck to everyone.

Hyde: Leo, man, glad you're here. I've been really busy.
Leo: Oh, yeah? I guess my "buy one, get one free" flyer is really bringing in the business.
Hyde: That's 'cause you forgot the "buy one" part.
Leo: Oh, no. Well, good thing we're closing early, man 'cause I need you to give me a ride over to my Cousin Larry's.
Hyde: I don't have a car, man.
Leo: You can drive mine, man. I can't drive since my license got suspended.
Hyde: Why? What'd you do?
Leo: Well, I dropped it in some soda, you know? And it just hung there, suspended. And then when I was looking at it, I ran a red light.