Fez: [shouts] Hello, ladies!
Hyde: No, man, that's not how you do it. You gotta be aloof.
Fez: Did you just call me a "loof"? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your 'nads.
Hyde: No, man. Aloof. Distant. Zen.
Fez: Well, that's not what loof means in my language.
Hyde: Look, I don't care what you think it means, that's what it means here.
Fez: You're the loof.
Hyde: Fez, it's not-
Fez: I said loof!

[Eric and Donna kiss]
Fez: Excuse me. Our date is not over. Now, good day, sir.
Eric: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.
Eric: Fez, I'm not going anywhere.
Fez: Fine. Then good day. [walks away]
Donna: Fez.
Fez: I said good day!

Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Kitty: Okay, here he is on the potty. Look how hard he's concentrating. Ooh, ooh, I have some earlier ones. Look at that baby. Didn't he have the cutest little behind?
Donna: Yeah. So when did he lose it?
Kitty: Right around when he turned 10. It was the strangest thing. Poof. Like someone ironed him.

[circle:]
Eric: You know, I wasn't that worried about Donna and my mom talking about me, but now that I'm all paranoid I'm all, like, paranoid. I mean, when did it become okay for them to be friends?
Hyde: Right after your father replaced you with a semi-literate pretty boy.
Kelso: That's me. So, I've been thinking about great actors to model myself after and I choose Travolta.
Hyde: Kelso, I can think of no better way to impress Red than by acting like Travolta in his industrial film. [claps] Bravo, man.
Eric: That is good advice. Man, I don't want Donna and my mom talking about me.
Jackie: Yeah, and Donna's a big mouth. Like, she told me how you wore makeup to last year's class picture.
Eric: What? I did not! [chuckles] I did not. I had a zit. Stop looking at me.
Hyde: Forman, you and I are both victims of parental abandonment. Luckily, I have a rich hippie benefactor. He bought me nudie mags I'd never even heard of.
Kelso: [as John Travolta] Yeah, I'll stock this shelf! But someday I'm gonna dance across this whole city. [normal voice] That's dead-on.

Red: All right, Kelso. You'll just go through a few typical stock boy tasks while I firmly, but kindly, oversee you.
Kelso: Got it.
Red: All right. Let's get started.
[Kelso removes his Price Mart smock to reveal a tight white vest and starts gyrating his hips]
Red: Kelso, what the hell are you doing?
Kelso: Oh, see, I'm going for a Travolta thing. Okay, my character's actually a dancer who's just stocking shelves until he makes it big. All right. Let me paint a picture for you. Just close your eyes. Okay, imagine with your eyes open. Just come with me.
[fantasy: Kelso dances down the street as he carries two cans of paint as a disco song, "Stock Boy", plays]
Red: Just stack the cans, moron.
Kelso: But why am I stacking cans? See, I'm thinking that the manager is a bad guy. So, why would I stack cans for him?
Red: Because if you don't stack the cans the manager is going to kill you.
Kelso: Oh, so I'm afraid for my life. That works. All right. Let's act.