Jackie: Steven, I'm telling you, beards are out. Look at Malibu Barbie. She can date anyone she wants. But she's with Malibu Ken. Why? Because Malibu Ken doesn't have a beard!
Hyde: Yes, he does. Malibu Barbie's his beard. No straight man would wear shorts that tight.
Jackie: I don't care. Just shave it off. It's like making out with carpet.
Kelso: Well, here it is. The beginning of the end for you two. Yeah, I remember the part of our relationship when all Jackie did was boss me around.
Eric: Yeah, that part only lasted what, like, six years?
Jackie: And he's a better man for it. So come on, Steven. Let's shave that beard.
Donna: Jackie, you just gave an order in the form of a cheer.
Jackie: Oh, where are you going?
Hyde: Wherever the beard takes me.

Kelso: Yeah, this is rough stuff Jackie's going through. She'll come running to me. Old Faithful.
Hyde: Kelso, Jackie's with me now.
Kelso: Maybe. But we have history. So when she needs a shoulder to cry on, she'll rest her head on these broad babies. Feel 'em.
Fez: Rock hard, amigo.
Hyde: Man, you don't want Jackie leaning on your shoulders. They're all bruised.
Kelso: Where? [Hyde punches Kelso's shoulder] Ow. Man, I should really see those coming by now.

Eric: Donna, what are you doing wearing the engagement ring? It's supposed to be a secret. You didn't tell anyone, did you?
Donna: Yeah, Eric, I have no self-control, so I told the pretzel guy at the park.
Eric: [laughs] Okay.
Donna: Seriously, I have no self-control, and I told the pretzel guy at the park.
Eric: Donna.
Donna: I'm sorry. I'm excited. I had to tell someone. Plus, uh, free pretzel.

Kitty: What's wrong, Steven? Problems with Jackie?
Hyde: Yeah, I said the wrong thing.
Kitty: Well, I have menopause. Do you have menopause?
Hyde: Uh, no.
Kitty: Lucky bastard. I'm sorry. [laughs] So tell me what happened.
Hyde: [clears throat] Well she wanted me to say something to make her feel better, and I couldn't think of anything.
Kitty: Well, Steven, you don't know how to comfort people, because you've never been comforted.
Hyde: No, that's not true. One time, my dad felt so bad about missing my Little League game that he made up for it by disappearing for nine years.
Kitty: Well, after what you've been through you don't have to be nice to anybody. Jackie can just leave you alone. Now I'm just- I'm gonna go upstairs and cry a little.

Eric: Problems with Jackie, huh? Hyde, I'd like to remind you that Donna and I are basically the perfect couple.
Donna: We really are.
Eric: So we might just have a little something to teach you about relationships.
Donna: We really do.
Eric: All you have to do is...
Donna: Go to her.
Eric: ...back off.
Donna: What? No, he needs to be with her.
Eric: No, he needs to give her space. When your mom left, I gave you space.
Donna: Yeah, well, I didn't want space. I wanted you with me.
Eric: You didn't tell me that.
Donna: I couldn't find you!
Hyde: And they lived happily ever after.

Nina: Fingerprinting is one of the most important jobs at the D.M.V., Fez. It helps make our customers feel like common criminals. [Fez giggles] See? Firm but gentle. Repeat that: firm but gentle.
Fez: Fir- but ge-ge-
Nina: Your hands are strong. But your right hand's much stronger than your left. Why is that?
Fez: Um... I am a sword fighter.
Nina: You fence?
Fez: Touché.
Nina: You know, I'm- I'm sorry if I'm a little short-tempered with you sometimes. It's just, well, when I see you, I just... [kisses Fez] No. No, I can't.
Fez: But- But I am all atwitter.
Nina: No. No. I'm sorry. I just can't. And no one can know about this.
[As Nina walks out of the room, she has Fez's inky hand prints across her butt cheeks]

Kitty: Red, Jackie's been moping in our kitchen for an hour.
Red: So call the cops.
Kitty: I don't want her arrested. I want to help her. She needs a father figure. Go talk to her.
Red: No.
Kitty: Yes!
Red: No.
Kitty: Red!
Red: Fine. Every damn argument! You'd think I'd win one, just by chance.

Donna: So, Hyde, have you talked to Jackie yet?
Eric: 'Cause don't- 'Cause you gotta give her room to breathe, man.
Donna: Yeah. And if she ever falls out of a plane, just let her fall.
Eric: What, he's supposed to just jump out after her?
Donna: Well, at least they'll be together.

Kelso: Man, I don't get Jackie. I mean, we were together for years and the second I turn my back, she off and Frenches Hyde.
Hyde: And by "turn your back," you mean ditching her for two months to have sex with random beach trash?
Kelso: Whatever, man. You... It's all... It's all about words with you!
Hyde: Kelso, Jackie's my girlfriend. We're together, so get over it.
Kelso: [stammering] Fine! [BB gun fires]
Eric: Dude, you shot him!
Donna: That is exactly what happened to Snowball!

Kelso: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Did I shoot your eye?
Hyde: Yes! Now I can't see, you moron! You're dead!
Eric: I'd start running now.
Kelso: Chasing me is futile! I'll just hide in your blind spot! [runs out]
Eric: Man, are you okay?
Hyde: Yeah, I'm fine. The BB just winged my shoulder. But that kid needs to be taught a lesson.
Donna: Hyde, it was an accident.
Hyde: No, it wasn't. He's been bitching about me and Jackie since he found out. Now he got himself so out of control that he shot me. I don't like getting shot! So now I'm gonna punish him the way my parents punish me.
Eric: You're gonna leave him at the mall?
Hyde: No. I'm gonna milk this eye thing until he feels as bad as he should. They didn't leave me at the mall. They forgot me. They were drunk.