‘Black Dog’
Season 5, Episode 9 - Aired December 10, 2002
Jackie is upset when Hyde fails to comfort her after she receives some troubling news. Kelso, still bitter about their relationship, accidentally shoots Hyde with a BB gun. Meanwhile, Fez realizes he has feelings for his boss, Nina.
Quote from Hyde
Kelso: Hyde? [Hyde comes out wearing an eye patch] Hey, Hyde. I brought you this.
Hyde: What is it? I can't see.
Kelso: Well, it's most of a burger. I took a bite, 'cause I'm sorry, but I'm also hungry.
Hyde: Yeah, well, it's almost 2:00. I gotta go flush out my eye.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: Steven, I'm glad your eye's not hurt. Even though you deserve it because you were such a jerk about my dad.
Hyde: Man, look,Jackie... [sighs] I'm never gonna be the guy who says the right thing at the right time. Okay? I'm just not.
Jackie: You are so full of it. All I'm asking for is a gesture, and you can't even do that.
Hyde: [clears throat] Okay, I got something. Get your dad a carton of cigarettes so he can trade them for not being someone's wife.
Jackie: Oh, just forget it.
Hyde: No. No. Jackie, that's funny. Look, when my dad went to prison, that's what someone told me to make me feel better. It was my mom! We had a real good laugh!
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Okay, Hyde, I feel really bad, and I shouldn't have shot you. And I think that I might've done it on purpose, 'cause I'm not okay with you and Jackie and I don't know if I ever will be. But I'm almost positive that I'll never, ever shoot you again. But the only way to be sure is for you to shoot me. I've always responded really well to corporal punishment. So, here. Do it. Shoot me.
Hyde: This is like Old Yeller.
Kelso: Come on, man. Just do it. Right here. It's the only way.
Hyde: Okay.
[When Kelso turns around, Hyde lifts up his eye patch and smiles]
Kelso: You lied! [BB gun fires] You're dead, man!
Quote from Hyde
Donna: So, how's stuff with your dad?
Jackie: Well, my mom's flying home from the Fiesta de las Margaritas, so I guess it's pretty serious.
Eric: Wow, that is serious. Playboy voted Fiesta de las Margaritas Latin America's number one singles party. But I- [clears throat] I'm sure she's just there for the margaritas.
Jackie: Oh, my God, you guys, my whole world is just falling apart.
Hyde: [enters] Hey.
Jackie: Steven! You shaved your beard off!
Hyde: I thought it might cheer you up.
Jackie: Oh, my God. You shaved it off for me. You let the razor say the words your mouth couldn't speak.
Eric & Donna: Aww.
Hyde: Shut up!
Quote from Fez
Fez: Okay, I washed. But the ink isn't coming off my little man. Help.
Kelso: You should try bleach.
Donna: Ooh. Or Comet.
Jackie: Yeah. Or steel wool.
Hyde: Hey, and if all else fails the one thing that gets out ink is more ink.
Eric: That's right, Hyde. Whatever you do, use the steel wool first. Really scrub so the soap gets in there. Remember, if it doesn't sting, it's not working.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Jackie, sweetie, we just got a phone call, and you're needed at home. So why don't you grab your coat. Mr. Forman'll give you a ride home.
Jackie: Do you know what's going on?
Kitty: No. I don't know anything. [Jackie exits] I know everything! You know how Jackie's father is a city councilman? Not anymore. He just got arrested for bribery. He could go to prison.
Quote from Jackie
Kelso: Oh, sweet pea, I'm here for you.
Jackie: Steven, my dad's going to prison. What am I gonna do? [hugs Hyde]
Hyde: Um, bake him a cake with a file in it? [off Jackie's look] What do you want me to say?
Jackie: Nothing. Look, I just- Oh, never mind. [hugs Donna]
Fez: Now we're talking. Donna, give her a kiss.
Quote from Kelso
Fez: Look at how beautiful she is. You have to help me win her heart.
Kelso: What ever happened to Jackie's heart? You know, at first I thought they were just killing time.
Fez: But Nina-
Kelso: But now I actually think they're getting serious.
Fez: But Nina-
Kelso: Jackie and Hyde-
Fez: Enough! It's over for you, pin-brain! Now, to summarize, Jackie gone, Nina still in play. Now help me do this thing.
Quote from Fez
Nina: Fez.
Fez: Nina. My "queen-a." [giggles]
Nina: I told you I don't like that. Now you're late for your fingerprint tutorial, so move it.
Kelso: Whoo, tough cookie.
Fez: Yes, Fez likes the hardheaded mamas.
Kelso: Really? I'm starting to get into the Asian ladies.
Fez: I know what you mean. Mystery of the Orient. Very sexy.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: [on the phone] But, Mom, Dad's in trouble. So I really think you need to come back from Acapulco now. Uh-huh. Wow, that is a lot of tequila.