Leslie Knope: All I wanted was 25 square miles of land valued at $100 million given to me for free. Is that too much to ask?

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Councilman Dexhart represents this district, and ten years ago when he was elected, he promised to clean it up. Instead, he just gave it a fancy new name: Beachview Terrace. A more accurate name for this place? Medical Waste Butt-Sweat Grove.

Leslie Knope: Okay. Try this. Tonight, just act like you've decided to run. And then tomorrow at the wedding, act like you've decided not to run. See which one feels better.
Ben: Okay. What do you think I should do?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Ben has to run. I don't want to push it, because it might backfire, but he has to run. He would be good for America, good for the world. Ben should be the Royal Archduke Sultan Emperor of All Inhabitable Lands on Earth!
[back:]
Leslie Knope: I'm completely neutral. I will support you no matter what you do.

Ben: How in the world am I supposed to run for office? Our lives are like one big unexpected stuffed zebra emergency. I don't know. What do you think I should do?
Leslie Knope: I told you. I'm neutral.
Ben: Honey, you have never been neutral on anything in your life. You have an opinion on pockets.
Leslie Knope: Yes, I think they should all be bigger. Okay. Fine. I think you should run. Yes, our lives are bonkers. But if something is worth it-- and I think this is-- then you just make it work. Besides, I just read an article on two-minute micro-naps, and the science on them is very promising.

April: And we hope you agree that this is the best plan to preserve national parks' funding into the next decade.
Barbara Boxer: Well, so Leslie, what do you think? Is--is this the right move?
Leslie Knope: Well, I think it's the only move, Senator Boxer. I don't think this chance is gonna come around again.
Barbara Boxer: Well, you know, if it's good with Leslie, it's good with me.
Leslie Knope: Well, I have another great idea. How about you and me, April, Randy, historical lamp posts of D.C.? Walking tour starts in 15 minutes.
Barbara Boxer: Sounds great, but, uh, I do have an appointment with the President.
Leslie Knope: Can we come?

Randy: So we think we can keep costs down and still meet deadlines.
Kirsten Gillibrand: You know, I have to say I'm really impressed with what you guys are doing over at Interior.
Leslie Knope: Thank you, Senator Gillibrand, we really appreciate your support. Would you mind signing a copy of your book?
Kirsten Gillibrand: Oh, of course, of course.
Leslie Knope: I took the liberty of writing the inscription. All you have to do is sign.
Kirsten Gillibrand: "To Leslie, my inspiration, my muse, my partner in crime. I owe it all to you."
Leslie Knope: And there's room for a P.S. if you feel there's more you left out.
Kirsten Gillibrand: Well, I think I've said all I wanna say right here.
Leslie Knope: Okay.
Kirsten Gillibrand: Okay.

Leslie Knope: Well, I just have to say I'm very surprised that the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this one.
Orrin Hatch: Well, Senator Booker and I are both concerned about our nation's resources. And that absolutely includes our national parks.
Cory Booker: But that's not all we have in common. In fact, our real passion is...
Both: Polynesian folk music.
Leslie Knope: W- What?
Orrin Hatch: Polynesian folk music. Our band is playing in Georgetown tonight if you'd like to come. We're called "Across the Isle."
Cory Booker: Did you get that? Aisle? Isle? Like an island and then across the aisle, the political aisle. It's like a pun. It's a play on words.
Leslie Knope: I do get it.
Cory Booker: Are you sure?
April: We are definitely coming to this.
Orrin Hatch: It's $8.00 if you buy your tickets now. It's $10.00 at the door.
Cory Booker: Fiscal conservative. Love this guy. Love this guy.
Orrin Hatch: Yeah.

Randy: So, anyway, the good news for you is we'd like to promote you to Deputy Director of Operations and Interior.
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Randy: You'd have to move to D.C. and you have to complete the Senior Executive Service Candidate Development program.
Leslie Knope: I have to enroll in S.E.S.C.D.P.? 44 weeks of intensive courses and note taking? Um, it's a dream come true.
Randy: And I have to warn you, there'll be a confirmation hearing.
Leslie Knope: A confirmation hearing? A freaking confirmation hearing? Excuse me a second. [using her drink as a microphone] What's that? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Um, to the best of my recollection, yes, I accept the job.

Leslie Knope: The I.O.W. does not mess around, which, normally, is why I love them, but now I'm on the other side. Oh, my God, Ben! I gave them $100 in their annual pledge. Do you know how many anti-me signs that could buy?

Announcer: [v.o.] What powers us? What gives us the tools to attain our goals, face our fears, take that next step into the unknown? It's energy. Verizon, Exxon, and Chipotle are proud to announce a cross-platform merger of our three great brands. Whether it's extending your 6G coverage, drilling natural gas out of shale, or perfecting the chicken quesadilla, we will give you the energy to get you to the next level. And with enough energy, America, nothing can stop us. The all-new Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon, proud to be one of America's 8 companies.