Leslie Knope: I hear about Morningstar, and I calmly saunter down to your office and attempt to have a rational discussion with you about it.
[flashback:]
Leslie Knope: What the hell, Ron? You're building your stupid building on the block next to Pawnee Commons? The park that I built from scratch out of a pit? This building is gonna ruin the views, you jerk. And you're gonna tear all the houses down?
Ron Swanson: Yes.
Leslie Knope: Ann lived there, Ron. That's Ann's old house. That's my best friend's old house. That was the house where I put on my wedding dress the night I got married. That is the house where April and Andy met for the first time. That is the house where Ann gave me my first ever smoky eye look.
Ron Swanson: She hasn't lived there for five years.
Leslie Knope: That's not the point. This building is a monstrosity. And what's it called? Morningstar? [British accent] "Oh, dear. We live at the Morningstar. That's so posh and hibbley-fibbley-gibbley."
Ron Swanson: The world needs apartment buildings. The park you built is nice, and people want to live next to it.
Leslie Knope: That's not the point. You knew that I would be furious, and you didn't have the guts to tell me yourself. Enjoy your new job, Judas.

Leslie Knope: Look, before you do that--
Ron Swanson: Too late. Here we go. Fire in the hole!
[For He's a Jolly Good Fellow plays]
Leslie Knope: Whoo! I gave you that as a gift on your fifth anniversary as Parks director.
Ron Swanson: You told me this was a genuine partially defused claymore mine.
Leslie Knope: Well, it was. I bought the empty shell off of eBay, and then I filled it with, you know, balloons and confetti and such.
Ron Swanson: You mean to tell me I have had a toy on my desk for ten years?
Leslie Knope: You mean to tell me you've thought you've thought you had an actual land mine on your desk?
Leslie Knope: [on recording] Congratulations, Ron. You've been doing an explosive job!
Leslie Knope: [laughs] Come on, Ron. It's funny stuff.

Leslie Knope: Ron, look how far we've come. We're doing so great. Let's just bring it home, okay? Let's just talk about our issues.
Ron Swanson: Leslie, don't push it.
Leslie Knope: Okay, fine. If I guess and guess right, you have to tell me. Ready? [snaps] Two years ago, you found out you were 1/4 French, and you had a nervous breakdown.
Ron Swanson: Okay, playtime is over. I'm getting out of here once and for all.
Leslie Knope: No, Ron! God, no! [Ron pulls the fire alarm] That alarm is just for sprinklers. April kept pulling it, so the fire department disconnected it.
Ron Swanson: I see.

Leslie Knope: Ron? I found some towels. You okay? [laughs] Wow.
Ron Swanson: Apparently, Craig is studying yoga. These are the only dry clothes I could find.
Leslie Knope: Well, you look great.
Ron Swanson: I feel extremely angry.
Leslie Knope: Oh, come on. Stop whining, you big baby. I've seen you with your eyebrows blown off. I've seen you without a mustache. I've seen it all. There's nowhere to run, Ron. You have tried every possible means of escape. There's nothing to do but talk.

Leslie Knope: [sings] It's got a new queen Everybody really mean We didn't start the fire
Ron Swanson: [plays saxophone]
Leslie Knope: It was always burning since the world's been turning
Ben: Well, this is different from what I expected to find.

Ben: Leslie, open that box they sent you.
Leslie Knope: Ooh! Joe Biden's book, "Biden the Rails: 1001 Poems Inspired by My Travels Through Amtrak's Northeast Corridor."
Leslie Knope: A thousand? [gasps] A poster of the Supreme Court Justices sipping the Friends milkshake! This stuff is perfect for me.

Leslie Knope: Hello, everyone. We are here today to discuss Gryzzl, and whether or not they are invading our privacy.
Woman: They sent my husband three boxes of genital cream to his office. My husband's splotchy genitals are no one's business, except for his, mine, and his many genital doctors. [applause]
Pearl: They sent me a bunch of toy pigs dressed like movie stars. That's my private hobby. No one knows I collect toy pigs dressed like movie stars, except now all of you people.
Ben: Which one is that?
Pearl: This is actually Ham-uel L. Jackson from the movie, Pork Fiction, it's extremely rare, and I am keeping it. But still, they no right to give me something I will treasure the rest of my life.
Young Woman: I opened my box in front of all of my friends, and it was a bunch of Virginia Woolf novels. Now Miley and Haley know I like to read. What if they tell Evan?
Chance Frenlm: I like their phones, but they've gone too far sending this stuff to our houses. Gryzzl has no right to search our private data.
Leslie Knope: So wait, you guys are not against us on this?
Chance Frenlm: We're not against you on this. [chanting] We're not against you on this.
All: We're not against you on this.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Finally, after months of searching for a way to defeat Gryzzl, we have found its Achilles' heel. The town is behind us, Donna is on our side, and the next domino to fall? Ron Swanson. Actually, this is Tom Sell-oink, but, you know, close enough.
Pearl: Actually, I'm gonna need that back.
Leslie Knope: Oh, yes, of course.

Leslie Knope: February 2016, I think you're gonna really enjoy this month's photo album. It includes such hits as: "First Trip to the Dentist," "Sonia Tries Pizza," and "Waterpark Vomit Chain Reaction."
Ben: Why would you take pictures of that?
Leslie Knope: Why would you not?

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Ron and I had a little falling out, but we are back, baby. And just like Joey Fatone and Lance Bass, we are totally in sync. [Ron goes for a handshake, Leslie goes for a high-five, then vice versa] Come on. Okay. Just give me a... [Ron pats Leslie's head] Oh. We're in sync emotionally. Stop patting my head.