Sookie: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.
Lorelai: Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.
Sookie: You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.
Lorelai: Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.
Sookie: I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know how to feed them, I cover up their party cloths, and I set their fingers on fire.
Lorelai: Just this once.
Sookie: I make them eat jalapeno-chipotle cream sauce. I'm Mommie Dearest.