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Secrets & Loans

‘Secrets & Loans’

Season 2, Episode 11 -  Aired January 29, 2002

When Lorelai discovers her house is infested with termites, she exhausts all her options trying to get a loan to pay for the repair work - all except one. Meanwhile, Rory is surprised to learn that Lane is now a cheerleader.

Quote from Sookie

Rory: We will make this up to you, Sookie.
Sookie: What are you saying? This is great. It'll be like a slumber party.
Rory: Are you sure?
Sookie: Absolutely. We can raid the fridge, we can make a nice avocado-mango facemask. Get out the tarot cards, tell fortunes, play Twister, make a Haagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip ice cream milkshake.
We'll watch Purple Rain.
Lorelai: Sookie, it's midnight.
Sookie: Okay, let's go straight for the milkshakes.


Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Okay. Here's the deal. We will both go in. You will go in that room, but you will not say a word.
Emily: What? But I couldn't possibly just-
Lorelai: You'll say hello. You'll ask how his wife is. And that's it. After that, you will say nothing. You will do nothing. You will sit in a corner, and offer no opinions, and pull a full-on Clarence Thomas. Am I making myself perfectly clear?

Quote from Lane

Lane: I want you to rest assured that I remain me: A Nico-obsessed, X-scene wannabe with 40 Korean Bibles under her bed. I just bounce a little more.

Quote from Kirk

Kirk: Well, I checked under the entire house.
Lorelai: And?
Kirk: You have termites.
Lorelai: What?
Kirk: Tens of thousands of them. Subterranean, drywood, the whole gamut.
Rory: Gross.
Kirk: Four of them crawled up my nose.
Lorelai: Okay, Kirk.
Kirk: It happens all the time when you're upside down. To them, the nostril looks like another hollow passage in the wood. They're not too bright.

Quote from Lane

Lane: I forgot my pom.
Rory: Your what?
Lane: Two are pompoms.

Quote from Luke

Lorelai: And to celebrate, we're gonna hit The Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight.
Luke: Really?
Lorelai: Yes, I am Magenta. Rory usually opts for Janet. And I had a thought.
Luke: Oh, yeah?
Lorelai: I was thinking that you could put on some fishnet stockings, a leather teddy, platform boots, and go with us as Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Luke: Hmm. Well, now, that is a thought.
Lorelai: You'll also need some gloves and a wig.
Luke: Gloves, wigs. Got it.
Lorelai: I'll do your makeup.
Luke: Well, that'll be a help.
Lorelai: There you go.
Luke: Sounds great.
Lorelai: So 8:00, I'll swing around and get you?
Luke: Sure, good. Oh, hey, if by some chance you knock on the door but no one answers even though all the lights are on, I'll just meet you there.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Look at it this way. The day's all uphill from here.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Rory, wake up.
Rory: What's going on?
Lorelai: I can hear them chewing.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: The termites. I hear them. They're everywhere, nibbling and eating and swallowing.
Rory: You're insane.
Lorelai: I can't sleep here.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: No, we have to go to Sookie's.
Rory: You're kidding, right? It's 11:00 at night.
Lorelai: Well, here. But somewhere in the world, it's still Miller time.
Rory: Mom, you're wigging. Go put on some imaginary earplugs to drown out the imaginary termite sounds and go back to sleep.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Ugh, I feel like they're crawling all over me.
Lorelai: Ugh, I know. With their creepy little fangy teeth their tail things and their pointy tentacles.
Rory: You have no idea what a termite looks like, do you?
Lorelai: Hey, unless they're wearing a foundation repair guy T-shirt, I don't care.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Anyway, I called the bank today.
Sookie: How did that go?
Lorelai: Well, wait, what's that? [holds up imaginary phone] They're still laughing.
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: Yeah, they passed the phone around, made me ask everyone in the place.
Sookie: That is terrible. Completely heartless.
Lorelai: According to the jolly bankers, I'm worth nothing.
Sookie: There still has to be something you can do.
Lorelai: I was thinking about opening a Coyote Ugly lemonade stand.

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