Lorelai: [exhales] Oh, yeah. I smell snow.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: It's coming. I always know. I can smell it, and I'm never wrong.
Luke: It wasn't in the forecast.
Lorelai: It's just my favorite time of the year. The whole world changes color.
Luke: I think I'm blacking out.
Lorelai: Flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals, whatever form it comes in. I'll take it. We go back, snow and me. We have a beautiful history.
Luke: Saw two forecasts, there was no mention of snow. Cold, but no snow.
Lorelai: Sleigh rides, ice skating, snowball fights. I'll even take curling. God, I love curling!
Luke: Lance Cranston on Channel 6 said it would be dry. Kimmy Liston, Live at 5, same thing. No snow, nothing.
Lorelai: Hot cocoa, hot toddies. Best time of the year!
Luke: Jimmy Mountain in Accu-Chopper One said it would be weeks before... [it snows] Lance and Kimmy are idiots.

Rory: Hey, do you think Grandpa knew about it?
Lorelai: About Christopher coming?
Rory: Do you think he planned it with Grandma?
Lorelai: Look how panicked you are. No, honey, honestly, the whole thing reeks of Emily. I mean, not that I think he would have discouraged it, but I'm pretty sure she's the one who poisoned the apple and gave it to Dopey to bring to the party.

Lorelai: Hey, do you have any of that really great braised lamb risotto thing leftover from last night?
Sookie: I think so, why?
Lorelai: Well, since I'm not going to Friday night dinner tonight or ever again, and I'm not in the mood for pizza, I thought I'd have a little fancy food with my movie.
Sookie: You're going to a movie.
Lorelai: I Netflixed all three A Star is Born's.
Sookie: Janet, Judy and Babs.
Lorelai: The holy trinity. I thought I'd hunker down with some fabulous food and watch all the men that got away.

Luke: There's nothing in here but ice cream, candy bars, cookie dough, canned frosting. Why are you not four hundred and fifty pounds?
Lorelai: I know. Scientists call it the Lorelai Paradox.

Lorelai: So, there's no machine?
Doctor: Machine?
Lorelai: Yeah, a machine you could stick me in. You know, you're putting pig vessels in people. Isn't there a machine that could tell me right away, away from the prying eyes of the garbage man?
Doctor: You really need to wait and take the test at the proper time.
Lorelai: Okay, see, I'm eating an apple. Now, normally, this would not be a sign of anything except hunger. Except I don't eat much fruit. I know I should, but I don't have a hankering for it. Had it when I was pregnant with my first kid, though. Kept craving those apples. And this morning, boy, was I craving an apple.
Doctor: Well, that could be a sign.
Lorelai: It could?
Doctor: Or not.
Lorelai: [sighs] Okay. You're nice. You're sweet. I've taken up too much of your time. Thank you.

Emily: Lorelai, stop this. I know you're upset. I know you hate us, but-
Lorelai: I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?
Emily: Well, because we... Because you thought we...
Lorelai: You were just being you. You couldn't help it.
Emily: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: The Scorpion and the Frog. It's an old story. The scorpion says to the frog, "Hey, frog. Give me a lift to the other side of the pond." Frog says, "No way. You'll sting me and I'll die." Scorpion says, "Will not! 'Cause then we'd both drown." Frog says "Cool." So, scorpion gets on the frog's back, and frog makes it to the middle of the pond, and the scorpion stings him. As the frog is going down, he says, "Why would you do that? Now we'll both die." Scorpion says, "Sorry, it's just my nature." Frog. Scorpion.
Emily: I always thought it was a turtle.
Lorelai: Whatever it was, you guys couldn't help it.

Lorelai: It could be, like, a paint studio.
Luke: We don't paint.
Lorelai: Well, maybe we'll start. Maybe it's the lack of a studio that's kept us from realizing our love of watercolors.
Luke: I don't have a love of watercolors.
Lorelai: Or I could use it as my recording studio. That would be cool, huh? And when I'm not laying down tracks, I could rent it out to Korn or Iggy Pop or someone, right? You and me just hanging with Iggy Pop, rocking out, telling stories. Ig's got stories.
Luke: Uh-huh.
Lorelai: Or we could use it as a safe house in case we decide to take up a life of crime.
Luke: I doubt we're going to do that.
Lorelai: Well, we could be wrongly accused of a crime we did not commit. Then we'd have to hide out until society realized the mistake, and then we'd be like, "Hey, no hard feelings. It happens. This is a great country, and thank god we had the safe house."

Lorelai: I'm keeping what I need.
Luke: You need an episode of Magnum P.I. from 1986?
Lorelai: Of course not. That tape is mislabeled. That's a Knots Landing from 1981. All the women are held hostage at gunpoint during Ginger's baby shower. Classic.
Luke: 21 Jump Street Season 1. You do not need this.
Lorelai: I need my Jump Street.
Luke: So buy the DVDs. It'll save you a ton of space.
Lorelai: No, the DVDs won't have the commercials on them. The original commercials, which is half the fun.
Spuds Mackenzie, Clara Peller, "Nothing comes between me and my Calvins." I mean, they don't make them like that anymore.
Luke: You're gonna be one of those weird old people who hoards empty film canisters and laundry measuring scoops.
Lorelai: Uh, gonna be?

Luke: Do you want to know the problem here?
Lorelai: Actually, no. I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can, and I don't like people pointing them out to me.

Lorelai: Cool. Wow. They could make a movie about this someday. You know, the reluctant, handsome diner owner sponsoring a team that goes all the way to the national finals, and you know who would play you?
Luke: Who?
Lorelai: Toby Maguire!
Luke: He's way younger than me.
Lorelai: But his career is hot. Go with Toby.
Luke: What about that Vito Morgenstern?
Lorelai: Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen.
Luke: Oh.
Lorelai: Or Donald Sutherland.
Luke: Too old.
Lorelai: We'll dye his hair.
Luke: He's got jowls.
Lorelai: You're picky.